May
01st
2013
Approximately 9,000 of my dearest friends are pregnant, like no exaggeration here. Okayyy, slight exaggeration (I really only have 8,000 close friends). And I keep having these dreams where I didn’t know I was pregnant and I just thought it was gas and then I pull a newborn out of my shirt and it has a full head of styled hair and a 30 year old man’s face. Lots of totally normal dreams like that.
Sometimes I try to rock Jack to sleep and he gets all cuddly with me and tells me he loves me in his cute, half-English/half-caveman language and it’s awesome. Then I see the situation for what it really is and realize it looks like I am singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider to Tyrion Lannister while he sits on my lap and it’s just weirds me out a little that I’m pretending he’s still a tiny baby.
Not that rocking a two year old to sleep is all that weird and I knowww, two is NOT old, but he’s gargantuan and can talk and everything now and I just catch myself thinking he’s still really young. Sometimes he’ll even go a few days without taking his poop out of his diaper and trying to hand it to me. He’s just growing up so fast, you guys!
(I wish that was a joke. Justin’s mom said when he was Jack’s age, he walked up to her, said, “here, Mom” and handed her a big giant turd and she totally wasn’t expecting it and she screamed. I thought that story was absolutely hilarious until Jack started pulling that crap on me — sorry, pun was necessary — and now I just want to cry/barf/send him to the zoo to live with the chimps.)
Wow, so I was totally leading up to saying how badly I have baby fever and that Justin and I are in the discussion phase of having another baby, but that last thing I wrote? I’M CURED! It’s a miracle!
I’ll host a drawing for anyone who can name the three pop culture references in this post. One is totes obvs. The winner can babysit Jack. Hope you have hand sanitizer!
Categories: Me Being a Mom Personal
Apr
08th
2013
Alright, my friends. The time has come. I have been a busy little bee over here, but have kept it pretty quiet on this blog. Anyone notice my fancy little badge on the right side of this page? Some of you know about my new business and have already joined in the awesomeness through my Facebook group. For the rest of you, get ready. I’m about to get ALL up in yo face.
For the past three months, I’ve been an It Works Global Distributor… a fancy name for “one of those girls on Facebook selling those crazy wrap things”. I know that if you spend any time on Facebook whatsoever, you will have noticed a slew of your friends and family joining the ranks and selling these amazing products. You can’t really avoid it… we are everywhere and doing our best to annoy the crap out of everyone with our before/after photos! Kidding, but I do know we are taking over the internet right now. It’s just because we’re so dang excited about sharing a product that actually does what it promises. The business is growing and there is such a HUGE financial opportunity for each one of us, not to mention the fact that THESE THINGS ACTUALLY WORK.
My Experience…
So let’s back up to December. A good friend of mine invited me to her house for a “wrap party”. She claimed that in 45 minutes of wearing this magical wrap, I would see and feel a major difference in my stomach. If you would have told me that the wrap I was about to wear was going to change my body, so much so that I would start selling the things, I would have laughed right in your face and went on my merry way. I am not a salesperson… you guys know me. It’s just not in my blood. And to be totally honest, I didn’t expect the wrap to work on me at all, let alone have the results last. I was already eating pretty well and exercising regularly… I thought that if there was any change in my body, it would’ve already happened from those things.
I went for it though… at that party, I let the girl put this cloth on my belly, wrap me in saran wrap and I waited for 45 minutes. When the wrap came off and she measured me again, I couldn’t argue. I was smaller and saw definition. It really lived up to the hype.
That friend who hosted the party that night? The wrap worked on her too and she became a Distributor. A month later, I joined her team. She is now making a nice couple EXTRA thousand dollars each month, in addition to her full time job and just earned a $10,000 bonus for getting there so quickly. Uhhh, YEAH. That’s not even the best part… BODIES BE CHANGIN’,YO.
Here are my personal results from using just ONE wrap on my stomach…
(total time elapsed: three weeks)
Between the first and the third photo, I became a Distributor. I couldn’t wait to start showing my friends and family how awesome these wraps are and how they truly do work. By the way, during that time, I didn’t exercise or change my eating habits at all. I wanted to give it a true shot, you know? I wasn’t about to start selling something I didn’t truly believe in. That’s not who I am.
Hey, fellow skeptics! Here’s what you want to see…
The most common question I get is: Is it just water weight?
No! The wraps are detoxifying and you see progressive results over the following 72 hours. Those toxins that have been building up in your body over time (through drinking alcohol, taking medication, caffeine, artificial sweeteners) begin to flush out as you drink water (and drink and drink and drink). As your body begins ridding itself of the crap, your fat cells shrink down (those toxins aren’t in there anymore!), causing your tummy (or thighs, or butt, or arms…) to smooth out, flatten, tighten and tone up. It’s not a hoax, I promise you. My stomach looks the same now as it did in January when I took that third photo.
If my little Cliff’s Notes explanation isn’t enough for you, check out this video: The Science Behind the Wraps.
Want to know more?
For the sake of keeping this as short and sweet as possible, I’m going to wrap this up. (HA, I GOT PUNZ.) I have a huge collection of before and afters, testimonials from people I know personally, and SO much more of my personal story to tell. If you’re interested in knowing more about trying a wrap, how to get a box of 4 wraps for only $59, or are interested in info on becoming a Distributor like me, let me know in the comments. I won’t be doing another post like this except to show my next round of personal before and after photos, so this is your chance to ask away! :)
Shop here.
Categories: Me Being a Mom Me Being Crafty Personal
Apr
05th
2013
Disclaimer: I swear I’m not going to make a habit of this. But you guys, I did it again. Not in the same way, with an angry lady in the Starbucks drive-thru. This time it was someone’s grandpa. And it wasn’t so magical.
I was driving through my parents’ neighborhood. I had to make a quick stop at their house to borrow their umbrella because the kids and I had to run some errands and it was raining and Justin took the umbrella out of my car at some point and legit question, why doesn’t a family of four have more than one tiny, multicolored polka dot umbrella?
Anyway, picked up the gigantic Ikea umbrella from my parents (which was a savior, by the way, thanks Mom) and went on my way, weaving through the neighborhood. At my last turn, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. At the house on the corner, there was a little girl, probably about two years old, standing alone on the front porch, about to walk down the steps. She looked lost and like she had wandered out there on their own. The front door of the house was cracked and she was just standing there, you guys! I swear my heart stopped for a second. The night before, I had just read a horrible news article about a little girl and I was still very much raw to the mama bear rage that bubbles up every time I hear that some psycho has hurt a child. I can’t.
With Jake and the Neverland Pirates blaring in the background and my kids happily singing along while eating their Teddy Grahams, I stopped in the middle of the street. I was going back and forth in my head, waiting for an adult to step outside with the girl and prove my instincts wrong. No one came out. She just stood there, alone.
“Okay, guys. Mommy’s going to get out for a minute. You can see me the whole time, so –”
“YO HO, LET’S GO! Arghhh! — okay, Mom!”
I pulled in front of the house and walked up the sidewalk. I knew my approach here was critical. Don’t look like a child predator, Morgan. Stay 15 feet away. Talk loud enough for a nearby adult to hear. DON’T BE CREEPY.
I stood in the middle of the walkway, far enough away so she could hear me, but not EVEN close enough to look like I was about to do anything shady. “Sweetie, go inside and find your Mommy.” It was the only thing I could think of to say. Quick and to the point. She immediately ran inside and I stood there for a second, kind of like, “Okay, now what? Close the door so I know you’re safe, kid!” But the door opened wider. A man in his late 50′s-early 60′s barreled out and stood on the porch, glaring down at me. Well at least there was SOMEONE around.
“Hi, I was driving by and saw her standing outside by herself and wanted to make sure her parents knew and that she didn’t just wander out–” I don’t know exactly what I said, but it was something panicky, along those lines, because HOLY CRAP, there was an angry man looking like he was about to smack me!
With complete attitude, he said, “Uhh, WE’RE FINE.” and looked at me like he expected me to explain myself.
Me, still trying to plead my case that I’m not a child abductor, just a friendly neighborhood watch mom, looking out for the TWO YEAR OLD STANDING ALONE IN THE FRONT YARD, LOOKING LOST AND SCARED, finally decided on a simple, “Okay, good.”
As I was driving away, I was so shaken up by what had happened. I know I know, I’m dramatic, but I promise you I wasn’t trying to create another life changing scenario on my own, just for the sake of writing about it. I just saw a kid alone and could not continue driving away with a clear conscience without making sure her parents knew she was out there. I would have wanted to know. If they were aware and were okay with the fact that she was in the front yard without any adults around, that’s extremely upsetting to me and something I would never be okay with letting my own children do, but that’s their territory. I think? Is a child, standing alone, off limits to talk to at all times if you think they could be in danger? I mean, it was their front yard and all, but it was “out” and “alone”. Two factors I am never okay with when my kids are involved.
Bear with me as I talk through this.
I have a hard time being defensive toward “Grandpa” about his anger toward me because I was talking to his little loved one and bottom line: I am a stranger. I completely get that. It’s just a weird situation, you know? She shouldn’t have been out there in the first place and my motives were absolutely 110% pure, but what if the first person who came up to her wasn’t me? Gah, I can’t handle even going down that path right now.
I’m sure there are some people who would think I was overstepping my bounds as “the stranger” and should have driven on without a thought. Grandpa probably thought that, by the look on his face. If I were him, my immediate reaction would have been close to the same thing. Then I would have thought it over and been relieved that someone had noticed and cared and then would have promptly DEADBOLTED MY FRIGGIN FRONT DOOR. Maybe she did wander out there alone and he didn’t realize it and was freaked out by the sound of an adult’s voice talking to her outside. SEE, I GET IT. I can keep analyzing this over and over, but the thing is, I don’t regret what I did for a second. I didn’t expect to be thanked. I’m actually okay with the territorial Grandpa approach. The whole thing just sort of makes me sick to my stomach.
What would you have done if you were me? What would you have done if “Grandpa” was you?
Categories: Me Being a Mom Personal
Mar
08th
2013
While browsing the dollar section at Michael’s yesterday, I happened upon these adorable little flower embellishments. Twelve of them for a dollar?? I was ALL over that business.
I bought a few packs of the flowers as well as a sheet of pearls and rhinestones (also from the dollar aisle). I thought they’d make the perfect little hairpins! About two minutes later, with the help of my trusty old glue gun, I had whipped up a nice little collection of shabby flower pins.
Here’s how:
Supplies:
- Flower embellishments (pre-made from Michael’s Craft Store)
- Bobby pin blanks (can be found at some craft stores or online. I get mine on Etsy.)
- Felt circles, for better adhering
- Glue
There’s really not much to these little things. Choose a few flowers that you think go well together, stack them one on top of the other and secure with glue.
For the rosebud (red, pink and grey style shown above), I used two of the same flowers. I took one and folded in half, then in half again and glued after each fold to secure. Then I glued the folded flower onto the flat one. I’m kind of laughing at how ridiculous my explanations are right now, but these are THAT easy. Glue glue glue.
For the back, glue a felt circle to cover most of the area. This will give a nice surface for your bobby pin to adhere. And yes, you guessed it… glue the bobby pin to the felt. OMG SO HARD I KNOW YOU TOTALLY COULDN’T FIGURE THIS OUT ON YOUR OWN.
A few examples of finished hairpins…
And a ring, for good measure. I always end up making a ring when I’m making hair clips, for some reason. Maddie loves them.
Let me know if you have any questions and feel free to share your own ideas! Have fun!
Categories: DIYs and Tutorials Me Being Crafty
Mar
07th
2013
Guys, it’s so bad that my kids have made a game of climbing to the top of the gigantic pile of clothes and jumping off. Maddie gets quite a bit of air too… it’s actually pretty impressive.
So while I was taking the above photo, Jack took Maddie’s lead and climbed up. In a flash, he was at the top and had hold of that big frame and was sliding it back and forth across the wall. It was JUST about to fall off when I decided I should probably stop taking pictures of the madness and go handle the situation like a grown up.
But not before I caught mine and Maddie’s reaction…
That was .2 seconds before I made that loud, unintelligible Mom-Terror noise thing, “AGHHNOOOOOSTOPPP”.
Clearly, something has to be done about these clothes, because yeahhhhh.
Categories: Me Being a Mom Personal
