Too cray or not too cray? That is the question.

Aug
25th
2015

Being that I’m semi-new to the whole school mom game, I need to run something by you guys. Give me your honest feedback, okay?

What is truly acceptable behavior for a mom toward her child’s teacher whom she freaking loves? Because like I think I came on a little strong with Maddie’s Kindergarten teacher last year because she is my favorite and I’m afraid it’s going to happen again with her 1st grade teacher.

On the first day last year, Maddie’s teacher sent home this amazingly thoughtful little package with a note ensuring us she’ll be taking care of our sweet child and that there was nothing to worry about. It even had a tissue and tea in it for me to drown my sorrows in during that first day Maddie was gone. I MEAN. That won my heart immediately. This woman is everything. But that’s where things started getting weird.

And by “things”, I mean me.

I was immediately like, “Will you accept this rose and continue this journey with me?”

I spent the remainder of the year trying my hardest not to come across completely insane to this woman, but I have a feeling it was showing through anyway.

I just feel like I look around the campus at the other moms and they’re totally calm and collected while interacting with their kid’s teacher and I’m over here barely holding it together like

I can think back and remember this same pattern of behavior happening my whole life. For example, on the first day of high school, I spotted a girl sitting across the room of English class who seemed so sweet and I immediately tagged her BFF material. Then I WROTE HER A NOTE AND TOLD HER THAT VERY THING. Who does that?? “You’re pretty and nice and you’re my best friend now. See you tonight when I’m staring in your bedroom window, best friend!”

I mean, we did become great friends and still are to this day, so I guess the outward crazy paid off?

(Kristy, I still think you “look like a nice girl”, btw)

I really should just accept that this is the way I am and embrace my people-loving qualities, even if it’s a tad aggressive at times. I should be proud that I haven’t written any teachers a will-you-be-my-BFF-note. That is showing some mighty strong self-restraint and that deserves be celebrated.

A little note to Maddie’s new first grade teacher: I can’t promise I won’t try to hug you at some point in the near future. Shoot, seeing all the hardcore decor in your classroom made me want to run home and bake you a cake of appreciation. But I started eating the frosting out of the tub beforehand so I’ll have to think of something else.

And to Mrs. Favorite Kindergarten Teacher of All Time:

Tutorial – Flower Crown

Aug
21st
2015

Dang, how long has it been since I posted a tutorial? Like 3 years prolly. I’m a bit rusty, but I’m ending the sabbatical with this little guy…

I’m all about those hair accessories — y’all know this. Ever since these floral crowns started getting big a few years back, I’ve been refusing to buy them in the store because of a little thing I like to call Crafter’s Pride. You know, that thing that comes on you when you see something in the store and you stand there in the aisle for 10 minutes inspecting it, taking pics on your phone and vowing to yourself to make it ‘for so much cheaper!’, but yeah it usually never happens. Well BOOYAH, it happened! Here’s my take.

Oh, you wanted to see a picture of the actual headpiece? Sorry, I decided to just show you my face. No, but seriously, if you even KNEW how many selfies I took to even get this stinkin’ thing while the kids were shrieking in the background… I just had to give up and make them lunch so they’d shut their pie holes. I mean, how daaaare they interrupt my day to ask me for FOOD of all things? What do I look like, their mom or something?

Sheesh. Kids.

Supplies you will need:

  1. Floral Wire
  2. Assorted fake flowers (use that Michael’s coupon!)
  3. Floral Tape (I would highly suggest a thin ribbon of your choice)
  4. Your trusty glue gun
  5. Felt (just a small amount used for backing)

Step 1  – Assemble the base

Okay, so I didn’t exactly get a picture of this step. I know, I’m already making a sterling case for myself here!

  • You’re going to take your floral wire and measure the circumference of your head. I actually measure it around mine twice because doubling it makes the crown extra sturdy. It won’t need to be exact and it’s actually better to measure it a few inches larger for twisty purposes later on.
  • Cut the wire. I was a savage and bit it with my teeth, but you can use wire cutters if you’re more of a lady.
  • Fold the looong wire in half so it’s back to the original measurement of your head, but is now double-stranded. Twist the ends together (you left a few inches of length for this). This is the part that you’re going to just go with until it feels sturdy and secure enough.
  • Now take the floral tape or ribbon and begin wrapping it around the wire, gluing every so often to keep it in place. If there are any weird looking spots, don’t worry… we’ll cover them up with the flowers.

(I personally didn’t like using the floral tape because it’s not really sticky enough to stick to itself, and not really thick enough to use glue without burning the snot out of my hand. So ribbon would be my personal preference.)

(Okay I know this seems really complicated, but it’s really very simple! I just tried to explain it thoroughly to make up for the fact that I failed miserably on the photo portion.)

Step 2 – Add the flowers

Arrange your flowers ahead of time to get an idea of how you want the headpiece to look. You could go around the entire frame of the crown with flowers as well. I’ve done it before and it really creates quite a statement! It says, “Hi, I’m fancy. Wear me on your hippy wedding day or something.”

Hot glue them in place.

This is where the felt comes in. After I glued the flowers to the wire, I went back and glued small pieces of felt to cover the backs as well. This step is essential and will hold them in place so they’re not all flopping around, actin’ a fool.

And there you have it! 58 simple steps to create your handmade floral crown you could’ve purchased at Target in half the time!

But it’s cute tho.

I’m sorry! I just felt ‘So Alive’!

Aug
13th
2015

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but if I had to pinpoint my lowest moment it would be 5 minutes ago when I looked up P.O.D. on Spotify and listened to an entire song for old time’s sake. Fifteen-year-old me didn’t have much perspective yet to know it was not an ideal musical decision to make (on repeat for a month straight), but good Lord I’m a grown woman and there is no excuse for that kind of behavior.

I remember one time I was hanging out with a group of kids who were significantly more hardcore than my turtleneck-wearing self. One of them was ripping “So Alive” a completely new butthole and I was sitting there thinking, “is it that bad??” but I totally played it off like “omg right?? It’s the lamest everrrr.” And I was totally crying on the inside because I thought I finally found something mainstream enough that also wasn’t ‘satanic’ (which to me was basically everything except DC Talk). Plus I had already sort of committed to getting dreadlocks as soon as my parents would allow it. Anyway, from that point on, I always second-guessed my music choices.

I seriously JUST typed that out and I heard the toilet seat slam down in the bathroom. I found Ruthie playing in the toilet. I just gave her a bath too. DO YOU SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING? It’s a chain reaction! I opened myself up now and there’s no telling what’s going to happen. brb I gotta go exorcise this house.

DON’T DO IT, FRIENDS. It sounds the same as you remember, trust me.

A brother’s sole mission in life…

Jul
09th
2015

…is to annoy the snot out of his sister.

“Craft Crap”

Jun
25th
2015

A few years ago my Great Grandma Mary Jo said she was cleaning out her garage and I told her I’ll take whatever craft supplies she had. Little did I know she would soon be supplying my every crafting need, past, present and future.

She’s actually the one that coined the phrase “craft crap”, which I think is hilarious. It’s not all bad though! A few years ago I posted on Instagram about some boxes of brooches she dropped off. I was expecting a few in a ziploc baggy and she brought like 3 boxes of fun stuff…

Sometimes she brings over McDonald’s Happy Meal toys from the 80’s and 90’s and gives them to my kids. So cool. I’m not gonna lie though, as soon as she leaves, Justin and I are like SWOOP – our turn! Sorry kids, our childhood is calling and I gotta get my hands on that Muppet Babies Miss Piggy car, man.

I know she said a few years ago that she was going to be cleaning out her garage, but woman. How big is your garage that you’re still finding this much stuff in it? And where does it all fit?? It must go underground because the craft crap still be flowin’. I love it though and seriously have the best time going through this stuff.

The most recent drop off included a giant tackle box and Goody hair pins from 1975, among some other things. Anyone recognize this little doll?

Thanks for the crap, Grandma!