Mrs. Not-So-Photogenic

That’s me in all my three-year-old, ratted hair glory. I was quite the happy, giggly child… always singing, dancing, and ‘Pwaising the Lord’. For some reason, and I can’t quite put my finger on it, this picture says otherwise. It’s probably the horizontal stripes. Yeah, thats it.

I know we all have a hidden stash of those embarrassing photos that we’d just DIE if anyone saw (or post on Myspace without our consent… ahem, ahem). I actually have an entire developed roll where I cut my face out of every single picture I appeared in. No joke! There are holes in the place of my face. Very mature reaction, I’d say.

There is an endless list of complaints we all seem to have — our foreheads are too shiny, we suddenly put on 60lbs and have 15 chins, or we look like we’re trying to get in a little power nap during our own birthday party because our eyes just won’t… stay…… open… Zzzzz.

I did some research (for myself, mostly because I blink. All the time.) and managed to find some very helpful tips on how to look completely fabulous in every picture.

  • Pull head forward slightly to minimize any appearance of a double chin.
  • Turn your body partially sideways to the camera, with one foot in front of the other. Point your front foot toward the camera and put your weight on your back foot. This sort of ‘cuts’ your body in half and flatters any figure.
  • Just like your Grandma said, ‘Shoulders back, chest forward, stomach in.’
  • Don’t press your arms completely to your side – this will enhance the upper arm flab that we all love so very, very much. Instead, hold them slightly out to your sides so they don’t squish and flatten out.
  • A slight tan will also help you look a tad thinner. I say ‘slight’ with emphasis because self-tanners can and will ruin your life if you aren’t careful. Oompa Loompa isn’t a good look, so use tanners sparingly.
  • A tip for the photographer: Don’t shoot from below. We really don’t need those extra chins.
  • The old saying that ‘Black is slimming’ holds true, most of the time, but it’s not the only color that makes you look thinner. Wearing an entire outfit in just one color will do the trick as well. Also, simply knowing your body type and how to dress to conceal flaws will help you out tremendously.

7 thoughts on “Mrs. Not-So-Photogenic

  1. I love this picture. I cannot look at it without half giggling and smiling huge, drawing strange reactions from my pod-mates at work. But anyways, thank you, I love these tips.

    And if anyone HASN’T in a fit of young teenage angst and because of the inability to control PMS cut their faces out of pictures I would be shocked.

  2. I too would cut my face out of pictures. I also used to hide when video of me was being played. One of my friends in high school had a quinceanera (sweet 15). The whole thing was taped and we all got together to watch it after the fact. I hid behind the couch during the portions of video that I appeared in. So very mature!

    I might just print these photogenic tips out and keep them with my camera or I could try to memorize them.

  3. That’s hot. I never cut myself out of pictures…and I was a cutie kid until the good ‘ol junior high days, I’d like to burn those ones. Steph and I were soo..soo..cute..not.

  4. I can’t stop laughing. You look so…tough! I’ll bet no one messed with *you*!

    I’ve got plenty of bad photos, I stopped being cute and photogenic around age 4 1/2.

  5. I love it! Your picture, that is. The glasses, the hair, the shirt, your cute little expression… perfect!! :)
    The tips are great too… I am not always the most photogenic person, so I appreciate all I can get.

  6. I think my favorite part about this picture is your hair. Maybe your dad got stuck doing your hair that day, didn’t know what to do threw it up and put a bow in it to make it look better?
    At least it matches your shirt!

Comments are closed.