Homeless Guys Really Know How to Treat the Ladies

I approached the counter at my favorite coffee shop earlier this morning, ready to place my order — I was BEYOND ready for my latte.  I heard heavy footsteps walking up behind me, and then the person’s voice, “Hey girl! You going for a ride later?”

Confused, I turned to see a middle aged, scruff-faced man in a long dingy coat. He was pointing at my knee-high brown boots. I smiled politely. I didn’t really want to encourage this, because I already knew where the conversation was headed…

“You look like you’re about to hop on a horse and go for a ride!” I turned back to the barista, gave a half-smile and finished my order. The man in the coat interrupted, “Hey Ray, can I have one of those samples you got back there? What are those called?”

The barista told him they were Pumpkin Spice.  “Ooooh,” he said, “well I’ll take one of those… and one of her. She looks like a spicy pumpkin, don’t she?”

GAG.

The following three minutes consisted of me trying my best to avoid this guy, but failing miserably. He talked about how his dad always taught him to compliment the ladies because they like to know they look pretty, how he prefers when people put sour cream in potato salad (I know, it was random), and how Grey Poupon tastes “magical”.

When I finally had my coffee in hand and was practically running out the door, he yells after me, “I like you! You should be my roommate.”

And that’s how I was hit on by a homeless guy.

27 thoughts on “Homeless Guys Really Know How to Treat the Ladies

  1. Ohhhhhh shooooooot!!!!!!
    LMAO! This is hysterical!!! You spicy little pumpkin you!! Rawrrr!
    Btw, I love how this is filed under “please kill me”
    LOL! I love it. Pretty sure this is the best story I’ll heard all week. Why a doozy!

  2. OMG. Shouldn’t every conversation should include a little tidbit about potato salad? How random!! And the tag is the icing on the cake to this story. You are hilarious :)

  3. you should have bought him lunch for your list!!!! though too bad you didn’t put “be a bum’s roommate” on your list because you were SO CLOSE!

  4. @Casey: I think I need to hear this story. lol

    @Steph: DANG IT, I should have!! It was the perfect opportunity! hahahah

  5. I was almost attacked by a transient at a starbucks I had my daughter w me. You seem to have a similar problem I do I’m friendly and so randoms like to talk to me sometimes its scary lol.

  6. Oh my word. I NEVER get hit on, but the couple times I ever have, it was by men who looked homeless or crazy. That is completely depressing! One time a guy, who I was SURE was homeless, was practically following me as I walked to my car and chatting with me. I tried to be nice and talked to him. He asked me if I was taken and never in my life I don’t think have I ever been more grateful to have a wedding ring on my finger! I flashed him my ring and he shouted, “he’s a lucky guy!” WHO ARE YOU?

    I am so sorry this happened to you but it was HILARIOUS to read! Thanks for sharing!

  7. ahhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahaha

    wow. now there’s a funny story. “She looks like a spicy pumpkin, don’t she?” TOO FUNNY!!!!

    come to think of it, if you ever get bored with “Mrs. Priss”, you could always change your blog name to “The Spicy Pumpkin”. It’s got potential. ;)

    This seriously made my day. thanks. hehe

  8. Whaaaaat? I’d normally let a comment or two go without comment, but I don’t think I’d have been able to keep myself from snapping at that dude. Seriously annoying!!

  9. so I told MrB about the post you wrote about “UAV IS ONLINE” and he thought it was hilarious….
    he also wanted to know what your hubbys gammertag is. I’m betting if he is as big of fan as MrB is, he got the new one?

    ….

    I’m not sure if I should be encouraging this

  10. Bahahaha! Greatest story everrr! And it’s weird, because I’ve only met you once in person, but I can totally imagine what your facial expressions were the entire time this was happening.

    Love it.

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