This post could probably be used as a form of birth control.

After reading Talia’s post a few weeks ago about how her youngest daughter pooped in the bathtub, I was feeling mighty pleased that Maddie had never done it. (Oh, hi. Did you think this was going to be about something crafty? If you’re not okay with detailed poop discussions, get out now.)

I’ve heard of babies doing this, but thought I was in the clear and had nothing to worry about with Madeline for some naive reason. Well as you can probably guess, it finally happened today.  Right in the middle of my “let’s washy-wash-wash your mullet” song (we have songs for everything around here), that all too familiar blank expression came over her face.

“Maddie…”

Her cheeks started turning red.

“Maddie, WAIT!”

And like all moms, I knew what was about to happen.

“WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!”

At first, just a few little bubbles floated up and I was like, phew. False alarm. I started getting her out to dry off and then there amidst the sweet lavender scented bubbles, a turd floated to the surface. Then another. And then about 17 more followed.

It was an unstoppable force… an army of turds.

My co-workers are jealous of my afternoons off. If they only knew…

39 thoughts on “This post could probably be used as a form of birth control.

  1. Hahahaha. My favorite part is the army of turds. I think this could be turned into a comic strip – maybe you should talk to John? :)

  2. HA! H has only ever pooped once in the bath and it was her first ever at like 6 days old. and you know that newborn poop? ewwww it was so gross once it hit the water! and since i’d never you know, HAD A BABY before, i was like “ahhh! she’s poooping!” and Scot was all”well lift her out of the tub!” and she was screaming and i was yelling and then i cried/laughed…ooh boy. sorry for all that.

    i’m skurred for the inevitable floaters.

  3. hehe, my friend was just talking about this. this has also never happened to me with either of my boys but I bet it will now!

  4. I pretty much just died from the mental image in my head.

    Way to make your mommy work miss M. :) I love that kid.

  5. lol! I’ve only ever had poop in the tub happen when the kids are so sick it can’t be helped, though it is more disgusting like that, it’s not little turds :(

  6. Pumpkinpie was famous for that in our house. ALL. THE. TIME. But it started later, like when she was maybe two? So far, The Bun hasn’t done it, but I’m assuming it’s just a matter of time. Something to look forward to – or not.

  7. I have the most absurd fear of poop in the tub…probably because I have vivid memories of my brother pooping in the tub when we had to share a bath.

  8. You know, people are regularly asking if Bryan and I are going to have any more kids…next time I’m just going to point them to this post and hopefully they’ll understand! ;-)

  9. So…I’m probably the odd-man out. I don’t have kids (yet), but I definitely enjoyed the laugh….and the heads up for my future (far, far away).

  10. HA! If “Tub Pooping” was an Olympic sport, my kid would have taken the Gold! It’s pretty gross, but you know the fellow non-moms are jealous, they just can’t admit it. ;) BTW- Hi! Nice to “meet you”, I am Ryan’s (Ashley’s Boyfriend) sister! :)

  11. Alyssa: I think you’re on to something! “Poop Days”?

    Tristan: And lady, you better believe it’s going to sneak up on you SO fast! Enjoy all your time with that sweet girl while she’s so little and doesn’t smell too stinky yet. :)

    Mandy: omg. I can’t imagine having that happen with the newborn stuff…

    Casey: See, this scares me. The turds were bad enough to try to fish out of the bath water, but sick poop? I would DIE. We deserve awards.

    Lizzie: Okay, I didn’t mention this in the post, but I used one of her toy cup things with holes in the bottom as a ‘strainer’ of sorts. One of my most resourceful moments, I have to say.

    Claudia: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Deanna: Hi!! I already stalked your blog. :)

  12. This happened to us for the first time a couple weeks ago, too! And it was a similar sort of start – we noticed her face, and then just some bubbles, and then we were like “Phew.” Then we looked in the water, and stuck along the bottom of the tub was a gecko-shaped poop. (It was strange that it just stuck there, instead of floating like Maddie’s.)

    Luckily Brent was in the bathroom with us, so I was able to run out screaming and waving my arms wildly while I left him to clean up the mess.

  13. I would really like to hear that after said straining you threw that toy away. :-) Cause that’s what I would do. Poo in undies? They aren’t that expensive. Good bye undies.

  14. @alyssa @mrspriss
    omg, Poop Days!
    hahahah. That’s outta control! Would the army of turds be dressed in camo? Oh man!

    I love that you pleaded with her to “Waaaaaait!”

  15. Nanette: Ohhhh my gosh, hahahaha! At least Brent took care of it for you! Justin pooned out on me. (hi, I know you’re reading this, and no, I don’t forgive you for leaving me there to handle it alone!)

    Steph: Yes, yes, yes. You just ignore this post and keep on wanting those babies. Auntie Morgan needs someone to spoil already!

    Sarah: Camo and little tiny guns. Those little bastards are dangerous.

    John: DO IT!

  16. ahhh . we have a madeline too. she never pooped in the tub, but her little sister pooped on her in the tub. I didn’t even know where to begin the clean up.

    You’re a super funny writer.

  17. My Noah started pooping every time he got in tub, and totally traumatizing the other kids of course. Now I have to wait to make sure he has done the deed before we take the bath. So gross!!

  18. haha so funny! Oh I’ve been there! My toddler noticed my youngest produce a floater with open mouthed shock! hehe

  19. Oh…… sads… I remember fishing poop out of the bath. I guess it will probably happen again. I keep waiting. Sigh. I used to have a poop scoop handy in the bathroom. The worst is when it breaks apart into a million pieces of medium sized poop chunks. Too big to go down the drain, but too small to easily scoop. Fun times. Ugh.

  20. oh geeeeeeeeeeez. For some reason we escaped this with isaiah (but we did NOT escape the time he decided to take off his jammies and diaper and crap in his crib and smear it EVERYWHERE around him. i wanted to freaking D-I-E.)
    Now Malachi on the other hand? He was our champion tub pooper and TJ never ever cleans it b/c he’ll throw up. Even if I’m away when it happens…I come home, the tub is drained and there are MUSHY turds awaiting me.
    He’s the best.

  21. I remember one time of my brother letting out a turd in the tub… I screamed and went streaking out of the bathroom dripping wet yelling for my mom! She says that was easy and that my crushing up all of my tub crayons in a bucket and dumping them over my head was harder to clean up as everything was stained BROWN! (at least mine wasn’t brown from turds tho!)

  22. When I was a nanny the lttle boy I took care of was 2 and one night we went to dinner. Well we got home pretty late so he had to get right in the bath. He was gassy so he kept farting and it cracked him up. I didn’t pay it any mind until there was a weird sounding one I looked up from what I was doing just in time to see his face turn red. Oopse was the only thing he could say.

    I wanted to be mad but I couldnt stop laughing long enough.

    xoxo

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