I’ve been meaning to write about this for some time, but to be honest I’m the biggest wimp and have lacked the courage to open up about anything truly personal on here. I always seem to feel that when I write about serious things, the entry comes out totally emo-tears status and no one really wants to read that mess. I think, This blog is a happy place! Don’t bombard your readers with your issues, drama queen! Go punch a pillow and eat some mint chip or something. Calm it.
And the thing is, that is probably true for a lot of my readers. Not all of you know-know me and would probably ‘mark as read’ or unsubscribe if I was only talking about my personal crazies all the time. I COMPLETELY understand that and agree that not everything needs to be aired publicly.
Or maybe you wouldn’t shun me, but that’s just been my fear. I don’t want to annoy people. I don’t want to bore people. I don’t want to be the one who’s laughed about after she shared intimate things about herself. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I fear criticism.
DO YOU SEE HOW EMO I AM?? Isn’t this ridiculous already? The trend in that last paragraph is pretty obvious… I’m letting others rule me. As much as I love you all (and it’s borderline creepy how much I do), I can’t let the fear of what you’ll think of the real, true me intimidate me to the point where I can’t be myself on my own silly blog.
It’s no one’s fault but my own and I realize it. God knows I’m imperfect and insecure.
You all have been nothing but sweet, encouraging and uplifting. I thank you for that. The reason I’m about to finally come out of my little shell is because of the relationships and connections I’ve made with everyone throughout this little adventure. I could have never imagined meeting so many lovely, genuine souls when I first started writing and I’m confident opening up a little more won’t be a huge mistake.
I need to stop apologizing for being me and this is where I start. It’s just a little terrifying.