The Fear (a slightly… okay, MAJORLY emo post)

I’ve been meaning to write about this for some time, but to be honest I’m the biggest wimp and have lacked the courage to open up about anything truly personal on here. I always seem to feel that when I write about serious things, the entry comes out totally emo-tears status and no one really wants to read that mess. I think, This blog is a happy place! Don’t bombard your readers with your issues, drama queen! Go punch a pillow and eat some mint chip or something. Calm it.

And the thing is, that is probably true for a lot of my readers. Not all of you know-know me and would probably ‘mark as read’ or unsubscribe if I was only talking about my personal crazies all the time. I COMPLETELY understand that and agree that not everything needs to be aired publicly.

Or maybe you wouldn’t shun me, but that’s just been my fear. I don’t want to annoy people. I don’t want to bore people. I don’t want to be the one who’s laughed about after she shared intimate things about herself. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I fear criticism.

DO YOU SEE HOW EMO I AM?? Isn’t this ridiculous already? The trend in that last paragraph is pretty obvious… I’m letting others rule me.  As much as I love you all (and it’s borderline creepy how much I do), I can’t let the fear of what you’ll think of the real, true me intimidate me to the point where I can’t be myself on my own silly blog.

It’s no one’s fault but my own and I realize it. God knows I’m imperfect and insecure.

You all have been nothing but sweet, encouraging and uplifting. I thank you for that. The reason I’m about to finally come out of my little shell is because of the relationships and connections I’ve made with everyone throughout this little adventure. I could have never imagined meeting so many lovely, genuine souls when I first started writing and I’m confident opening up a little more won’t be a huge mistake.

I need to stop apologizing for being me and this is where I start. It’s just a little terrifying.

Hold me.

35 thoughts on “The Fear (a slightly… okay, MAJORLY emo post)

  1. I do “know you know you” but I doubt that anything you write would be even remotely annoying. I think most people are so supportive. Also, writing about things you’re actually feeling doesn’t make you emo. It’s only if you start inventing dramz, which I know you won’t do. I’d love to hear more honesty.

    Also, I will totally hold you and play you tiny guitar. Love your face.

  2. Thank you so much for posting this. I actually have a post on my own blog about my insecurities and letting others rule me but I’ve been feeling like I shouldn’t post it because of what others might think.

    I can give advice but not take it very well.

    I don’t think you should be ashamed at what you put on your own blog. I mean, it’s YOUR blog. If others unsubscribe or make as read, so what. You’re being real if you’re coming out of your shell, and I don’t know about others, but I’d rather read about what’s in your shell than all the happy stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I like happy, but it’s unrealistic to expect a blogger to never express how they truly feel or judge them for their own feelings.

    Anyways, I need to take my own advice and go work on a certain blog post. :)

  3. You have no need to be insecure! I love you! And that’s all the matters, obviously. Kidding. :) you should feel free to write about whatever you want, if someone doesn’t like it then they probably aren’t that important to you, ya know?

  4. & this is precisely why I’m on a blog hiatus. I haven’t been able to get rid of the fear & because of that, it has crippled me into a nasty form of writer’s block.

    Basically… I totally know what you mean & how you feel. You’re just a lot stronger than I am.

  5. Sometimes, I get my best support and advice from blog comments. Not that I use it as an emotional stage all the time, just sometimes, I need people.

  6. This is where I introduce you to something in my musicians’ circle called “The Rockstar Principle” — which simply states: In order to convince others that you are a rockstar, the first person you have to convince is yourself, and only after that, everyone else will follow.

    I think you have it in you to be a rockstar. You’ve already got the air guitar skills!

  7. BE PERSONAL!! We all know that we aren’t “all laughs all the time”!! We want to hear YOU, whether it’s happy, sad, funny, or that adorable kid of yours!! And we’re all a little crazy, so have no fear! :)

  8. I think you should be as personal as you feel appropriate. Write for yourself. :) Sometimes you gotta let stuff out. I know I have an easier time putting personal stuff on the internet rather than actually talk to someone about it, as weird as that is.

    Also, people are voyeurs. So they’d probably like reading about your deep dark secrets anyways. haha.

  9. I believe that it is our insecurities that make us human. I love reading emotional or personal posts because it lets me know that there are others out there going through their own struggles and it makes me feel like I will be okay even if I am afraid to do some things. I have always enjoyed reading your blog and I don’t think you could say anything that would make me not want to read. I too worry a lot about what others think, but sometimes we have to say Fuck It and just roll! :)

  10. You are a crack up. I already know that baby poop has floated in your tub. What else could you possibly reveal that would drive one to recoil in horror?

  11. If all you talked about were your “personal crazies” Id still read you blog. You are genuine, hilarious, and I love your blog. <3

  12. morgan, don’t be afraid to open up and get personal! i would NEVER unsubscribe :)
    i do understand where you’re coming from, because i sometimes feel that all i do is complain about stuff on my blog, and i remind myself to *try* to be positive. but opening up can be cathartic, and remember we love you just for being you!

  13. We need honesty. All of us. I really appreciate what you’re doing Morgan!!! God bless you as become more of who you are supposed to be on this blog!

  14. We are lucky we are living in a place and time that we can say whatever and whenever…….everyone has problems and major and minor issues………..we should all be “friends” (like the girls on SATC) …….. feel free to speak up and discuss our feelings. Years ago, people kept all of their feelings and problems to themselves. It must have been difficult for them. Let’s all be grateful that we have our friends on this great blog site!

  15. Wow, seriously? Seriously. I am/was/still am the exact same way. I wrote a post about feeling this, and was gonna find it but the truth of the matter is, it’s 7:16 and I wanna get off work so I’m just too damn lazy to find it right now. But YES, it’s so freaking hard for me to open up on my blog too. I feel like I’ll be judged and all that stupid crap. But I agree with you — especially after BiSC. For once, I actually WANT to be honest and myself. Yay for breakthroughs!

    I’m proud of you.

  16. Wow. You all are such an encouragement, truly. Thank you so much for all the kind words… I’m definitely going to be sticking with this little goal of mine, so be prepared for more of my signature “crazy” coming your way. :)

    kisses to all of you.

  17. LOVE crazy stuff! I TOTALLY relate!!! Gushiness 24/7 is my thing! bring on the tears, hugs and MINT CHIP! :D Got yo’ back sistah!

  18. I “know you know you” and I think you opening up yourself in this new way will just cause people to relate to you and love you even more. We all already adore you and are always excited to see what you have to say or share next and I don’t think this will be any different!

    I wish I could be strong in this way b/c I never share anything deep at all on my blog, or really much writing as all because I really feel inept when it comes to eloquently sharing my thoughts on “paper.” It’s one thing if I’m writing one on one to a friend like you or Sarah or Alyssa, who really know me, but to put it all out there for the “world wide web” I feel it has to BE a certain way or read a certain way or something so whenever I start those types of posts I always end up deleting them. I think it’s such a shame b/c I can only imagine how cool it would be to revisit that moment in time after it’s passed and see how far I’ve come.
    …This makes me realize I should start journaling privately again :)
    But YOU! You stick to this goal! You definitely have a gift with your writing and a style that just has Morgan written all over it, I can’t wait to read what’s to come, you know I’ll just love you more for it :)
    xoxo

  19. you silly silly girl! we all <3 you and anyone who doesn't, for whatever reason, is just plain crazy! I may not actually "know" know you, but I sure do feel like I do. Like if we ever meet I would hug you like a long unseen friend! So air/dish/whatever away…it is YOUR blog after all! Just keep giving us some of your quirkiness that we've all grown to love in the midst of the seriousness and we'll all be just as happy as pie! ;-)

  20. Isn’t it funny that we are concerned with our image even on our blogs? I think if we show people the good, bad, and ugly, they will relate to us better. It’s too bad we feel like we have to be the perfect blogger, perfect mommy, perfect wife, perfect whatever. I have noticed when people try to be seen as the perfect ____ they are the hardest ones to fall when something makes their world crash down. I know if my world crashes, I want to be able to pick right back up again.

    When I started reading your blog, I liked it because of your attitude and quirkiness (is that even a word?) You actually showed me that I could be more personable in my blog and I thank you for that :)

    So heres to imperfections, emotional baggage, and the reality of life.

  21. It’s great to let it all out! Sometimes it’s easier to be your true self to perfect strangers than it is to people that you have known for years. Also, we all have emotions, so for you not to show them would seem more odd to me!

  22. uhm, hi, you’re amazing and i love you.

    and so does ben, and i totally have permission to speak for him.

    and we are TOTAL BITCHES so that says A LOT.

    haha. no but seriously.

  23. I was having the same problem, but noticed all I was posting about was randomness, but when I opened myself up people were supportive of me and really liked it better than the regular stuff I was writing. People like knowing about other people (well I do and know that most do too). Nothing you’ll say will annoy me (I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old) so I love connecting with other people because I am stuck in my house all day losing motivation..

  24. Dude. You just gotta have mind frame of thinking “Fuck everybody” not in a gangsta rap way but in “its my life” way.
    Your blog is adorable and you seem to be adorable plus I dont read no sucky blogs!
    My blog doesn’t seem to have a point and I swear a lot but it’s fun for me.
    Smooches!

  25. I’m waaaaaaaaaaaay behind in commenting, but I just want to add my little say to everyone else’s and tell you to GO FOR IT. You’re quirky and funny and hilarious, and sweet and wonderful, and we love you. For always and no matter what. I for one absolutely LOVE it when people are open and honest on their blogs. I feel it’s a privilege that they trusted all of us out here, considered us their REAL friends, enough to open up and share with us something real. We’re here for you, Morgan!! :)

  26. I feel exactly the same way! I’m finally starting to feel like it’s ok to write what I’m actually thinking on my blog.

    I found your blog through another blog and I love it so far!

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