Cougars love my husband.

Ever dealt with jealousy? Like, the Hulk kind? The type that has the power to birth a swirling vortex of rage deep in your soul in a matter of moments?  And before you know it, you’re wanting to rip your shirt in half and growl at something, but have to stop yourself because that’s socially inappropriate and would just be uncomfortable for everyone?

You’re a woman. Of course you have.

Well lately, there have been buckets o’ rage over in these parts. We’ve had a lot of steam coming out of ears and stomping of feet and thoughts of Scream masks and rope and butcher knives…

Wait. Um. Hahahaha, I’m just kidding! You thought I was being serious! I mean, I’M NEVER JEALOUS!! I’m secure enough with my womanhood to let other attractive ladies flirt with my husband without a care in the world! Especially those hot older women who have suddenly decided to throw themselves in his direction, with their surgically enhanced cleavage spilling out all over the place and practically smacking him across the face! I LOVE WHEN THIS HAPPENS! Flirt on, ladies! Flirt on, I say!!!!!!

-_-

I swear. Out of nowhere, it’s like I was transported to straight-up Cougarville, USA and let me tell you… these broads have no shame. I can’t take Justin anywhere without some hot 40-something flashing a big, perfectly white smile and/or inappropriate amounts of tan boob in his direction. The kicker is that it usually happens when I’m not only standing next to him, but carting around our 18 month old daughter. I’m sure my expression and body language speaks volumes.

Fellow wives and girlfriends, what do you do when you see other women checking out your man? HOW DO YOU DEAL!?!?

37 thoughts on “Cougars love my husband.

  1. Morgan is my favorite, do-dah, do-dah! This was the greatest post! P.S. How come my beautiful photo doesn't show up when I post on your blog? Tell me how to fix this straight away! xoxox

  2. LOL I love that picture, I think you should print it out put it on Justin’s desk, even framed! ;) I can’t say that I notice girls checking out my man, so I”m sorry ;) LOL

  3. i like to refer to an age-old method of sage wisdom: The Fast and the Furious.

    remember when those sluts are hanging all over Vin Diesel and his gf pointedly sniffs the air and says:

    “I smell… skank.”

    and in this situation it might be pertinent to add “and COLLAGEN.”

    TAKE THAT, COUGARS.

  4. For some reason, it’s usually gay men who disregard my boyfriend and shamelessly flirt with him. I let it happen because it makes my boyfriend uncomfortable and then we laugh about it later.

  5. The other day when we went to sign the papers on our house, the girl kept talking TO MICHAEL & looking RIGHT AT HIM (at me too, but at him more), & kept saying how she was single. I don’t know what she meant by it but it sure rubbed me the wrong way. Add that he had to drop by the other day to pick up some mail that didn’t get forwarded & LAUREN ANGRY TOO. We’re women. It’s in our DNA to be like this, I think. It’s fine, as long as we don’t actually smash anything. ;)

  6. Oh no they didn’t! You know what I do?….I call: “Security!” (from Bon Qui Qui- you had best know this reference)…

    I can totally picture you saying “Morgan Smmmaaash”… I love !

  7. I let them look. In the end he is coming home with me and I trust him 100% and know he would never say anything to flirt with one of them. If someone pushes it though I would say something.

  8. While I agree with what Grace said, I still do get twinges of jealousy, but tend to enjoy them. There’s something about the fun of having a man that you know others want. Is that bad? lol

    Also, I am willing to be it is not your smiley face that actually comes out when you’re ready to smash ;-)

  9. “birth a swirling vortex of rage” – this is unbelievably awesome

    also – kudos on the photoshopping. uh-maze-ing.

    i feel your pain. my fiance coaches little kids’ soccer, and the soccer moms text him all the time. about what? i don’t know. i need to start snooping better. but IT.DRIVES.ME.CRAZY. :S

  10. Brian knows about my craziness.. Usually if he catches it he will say something completely inappropriate and offense geared toward the cougar… if they are too far or family is around, he will usually lean over and kiss me or grab my hand… I don’t know what I would do if it was left up to me to squash their little craddle robbing hearts.

  11. Ahahahaha! I could practically HEAR you reading this post.

    In other news? Screw those bitches. They ain’t got NOTHIN’ on you, woman! For serious.

  12. I let them try. It’s an ego boost for Dave, though he is usually pretty clueless when someone flirts with him and I know who he’s coming home with. If he does recognize what is going on, he will usually say something. Mostly it’s harmless, but if anyone really overstepped their bounds I’d look them right in the eye and tell them they need to walk the fuck away.

  13. I’ve not actually had that problem, but I don’t think I’d be too jealous. Really though it depends on if that invisible line is crossed from flirty to whatever that next level is.

  14. Always point out to your man that he, being so bright and intelligent, would never want to be played for a fool……….many of these younger and older gals are after money and game-playing. The guy always loses in the end.

  15. I mean, this will probably come as a shock since you know me and how DEMURE and CALM I am, but nothing makes me more psychotic than anyone showing Andrew too much (read: ANY) attention.

  16. Maybe I’m weird but I love when women check out my husband. He’s hott! Why wouldn’t they! And he’s all mine. Plus men check me out. As long as I keep it tight and keep it right then we’re all good ;) I’m the better looking than them anyway. ( I guess feeling this way takes a certain amount of self-confidence :S )

  17. I don’t really care if other women check out Dave (the husband). That just means that I got the good one!! A least that’s what he tells me he thinks when he sees a guy check me out/hit on me. But if they become inappropriate or blatantly rude, after knowing that he’s married, then that’s a problem.

  18. If they’re gawky cougars, I would wave and be like “Peter! Isn’t that your Aunt So-and-so?” or “Is that one of the ladies from your gran’s church group?” Then do the bitchy smile. Totally calls them out and makes them feel ridiculous.

    If they’re young (read: threatening) skanks I usually just look at some random thing they’re wearing (shoes, bag) and sneer. Mastering the art of making snotty faces is key. It might not get them to lay off, but it miiiiight make them worry that their outfit looks stupid, so I’ve still succeeded in at least partially ruining their day.

  19. I LOVE LOVE LOVE what tia said way up there…”i like to refer to an age-old method of sage wisdom: The Fast and the Furious.

    remember when those sluts are hanging all over Vin Diesel and his gf pointedly sniffs the air and says:

    “I smell… skank.”

    and in this situation it might be pertinent to add “and COLLAGEN.”

    TAKE THAT, COUGARS.”

    That should take care of them! My husband gets hit on by guys…its funny but a bit concerning at the same time.

  20. LOL at the “I smell skank and collagen” comment!

    I am such a jealous person when it comes to my man. He’s 10 yrs older than me, so we don’t normally have a cougar problem………but he’s a restaurant manager so lots of flirty little highschool/college bitches. These girls just want any and all men in their viscinity to “want them” so sometimes I get angry.

    Love the hulk picture!

  21. Are you this funny all the time? Seriously, because men dig that too. And it’s been my experience that these women you are referring to who are, lets just say, a little more fake, (and a little more ripe) than we are, typically don’t have a lot going on in the cranial area. Hence, the enhancements. If the jealousy stills prevails, though, maybe a patented response like “So, class doesn’t come in a syringe, huh?” will at least confuse them long enough for you to whisk the hubby away. :)

  22. I think I missed the jealous bone because it always makes me giggle if I see girls looking at my husband on the street. If I had any inclination that he was enjoying it or even noticing it then that would all change, but really, I know I have zero reason to be jealous. And neither do you! How could he love anyone but Mrs. Priss!?

    Thanks for your congratulations, by the way!

  23. I can’t say I’ve ever noticed women hitting on my husband, espcially not older ones, so I have no cougar-advice for you. But I sure did laugh reading this post and all the comments!! lol

  24. ya know I am so darn jealous! Usually when I catch someone checking Jon out-obnoxiously so- I grab him and give him a big ole kiss and then give her a nice smile after. heh.

  25. I’m pretty laid back about most things – I don’t usually have to worry too much. Mike is really good about letting me know where his heart and mind are (with me). However there are often times when a girl is just rude. It’s less about them flirting with my man and more about them disrespecting me. It makes my blood boil.

    On the other hand I’ve had gay men hit on my boyfriend in the past and it always makes me laugh. He used to get hit on all the time when he lived in Nashville but he still gets the occasional look/word from gay men. (My boyfriend is a sharp dresser and a pretty boy even when he doesn’t try) he’s a bit more rugged now vs. when we first met.

    So long as you know your hubby is coming home to you and only you there is no fear. Those courgars better recognize!

  26. okay for effin-serious, my husband is a cougar magnet too and it drives me CA-RAZY. Even this one chick who was like my bestie for a while there even though she was 10 years older than me cos she was having probs with her hubby and I was there for her. UNTIL I CAUGHT HER TEXTING LOVE NOTES TO MY HUBBY FTW. DRAMARAMA ENSUES. Skank ho. I wanted to go to her house and stand in her yard and yell at her. But instead I just called her and told her to stay away from my husband and that I was calling our minister. BITCHPLZ. ha. I so totally did, hello accountability.
    Also I’m pretty sure our neighbour lady has a cougarcrush on my hubster and her hubby totally knows it and thinks its funny.
    Plus random cougars.
    WHYYYYYYY?! *stompy hissy fit*
    Cougars are the worst too because they don’t even seem to care anymore if anyone can tell they have inappropriate crushes. grrrrrowl.

  27. This always seems to happen when I am not around and my hubby tells me about it afterward. The ones that happen when I am there, he doesn’t seem to notice. However, the one that annoyed me the most was at my brother’s wedding – nasty girl came right up to my hubby and me, and grabbed his bum!! I was soooo not pleased.

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