A few words about Costco Vultures

Have you ever noticed whenever there are free samples, people will swarm like it’s going to be their last meal? It really doesn’t even matter the item is half the time, as long as it’s FREE, people want it.

A bumper sticker from that local talk radio station? GIMME! An ugly magnet from the pizza place across town that had the crappy sauce? Hey, I could stick that on my fridge! An ink pen from the bail bonds place down town? You never know what might happen to someone you love!

This brings me to an experience I had this weekend. Well, maybe it’s not COMPLETELY related, but– umm– just read my stupid story.

My mom and I went shopping at Costco, and as most of you know they have free samples at the end of every aisle. It is usually the most random stuff you’ve ever seen like a tiny little spoonful of lentil soup, or they’re really stingy and only give you like, one potato chip. (I’m sorry, but I’m going to need more than one chip to make a proper assessment of the product, just saying.) Sometimes you’ll get lucky and see one of the employees handing out pasta or chocolate or something good, but most of the time it’s the poo.

Anyway, while shopping there last weekend, I happened to see a little flash of that signature blue box across a few rows of produce and it immediately began calling my name. MACARONI AND CHEESE. My heaven! I started making my way over to the little table set up at the end of that aisle and told Mom that I’d meet up with her later because -Chris Farley voice- LAY OFF ME, I’M STARVING!

As I got closer, the employee who was manning the table announced loudly, ‘THREE MORE MINUTES UNTIL SAMPLES ARE READY!!!”  I wanted to be all, shhhhhhhhh!! They’ll hear you!!, but I waited calmly and patiently. People started approaching the table, one by one. I was nearly shoved out of the way and was annoyed. I watched as the lady mixed some milk and cheese into the pasta, staring at it like it was my long lost love… and drooling a bit. It was becoming a problem.

When the timer had about 30 seconds left (I was paying attention), she did the unthinkable. She added an extra ingredient. Are you ready for this? I’m gagging right now.

SPAM.

Pregnant women dry heave at the sight of spam, did you know that? I wasn’t aware. I just want to know who in their right mind would defile perfectly good macaroni and cheese with some mystery meat in a can? WHO!? The blasphemy!

I slowly started backing away from the table once the lady stirred in these little pink chunks of meat, but I was surprised to see that no one else left. People just filled in the space that I had left open, and fast! Before I knew it there was a HUGE group of people surrounding the table like a bunch of vultures, young and old, waiting in earnest for the Macaroni and Spam to finish cooking. Waiting for a free sample of that!?

It just proves my theory: It doesn’t matter what’s being handed out. If it’s free, people want it. (Unless I’m actually the crazy one and everyone really does eat spam in their macaroni??)

25 thoughts on “A few words about Costco Vultures

  1. Ha!!! Growing up we always ate fried spam (not the gelatinous uncooked version, ewww) and mac-n-cheese. My mom would slice it really thin and fry it up really crispy like bacon and we loved it!!!! Maybe this is a Southern thing..??? ::scratches head::

  2. wow, gee, thanks, turns out that pregnant women really do dry heave at the sight of spam. Urp. Suddenly that peanut butter toast I had for breakfast has a spammy aftertaste and it’s all on you, Morgan.
    I think my husband would be giddy with delight at the idea of mac’n’spam. He will buy ham-in-a-can and just slice it up and eat it on a sandwich, while I watch with a mix of fascination and horror, all while questioning the wisdom of having not one child with him but one-and-57.5%baby. Although I guess technically an entire baby but only just over a pound of baby. Hey, look, all this math is distracting me from spam! Wait, no, it’s back.

  3. Ohhhh, this is such a sad story. I’m gagging over here. What is wrong with Costco??? What is wrong with those people who wanted to eat spam???

  4. haha it’s true! I hate how greedy people are with free things too. They act as if they have NOTHING and this is the last food they will eat. As for spam, my mom loves it. Not sure if she would mix it with her mac and cheese though.

  5. GROSS! We went to Sam’s club yesterday and witnessed the same vultures over the awful smelly random samples, I’ve never smelled such stinky tuna fish in my life!

  6. I had a roommate once who was from Saipan and she loved SPAM. Even made fried rice with it. I had never even eaten it till then. But honestly when she made the fried rice it was one of the best fried rice's I have ever had. Even with the SPAM.

  7. OH! HECK NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT is NASTY! Oh my! I ADORE mac and cheese…. and I NEVER get kraft. it’s CRAP but I LOVE IT! but SPAM?! heck no!

  8. mmmm, hill billy special being served up on aisle 10!!!!!!!!
    hahaha, when i lived up in the mountains I knew several families with multiple children who would serve spam up for meals…I think the only time I tried it was with eggs and potatoes for breakfast and I don’t remember hating the taste BUT I was SO bewildered at the whole fact that i was eating it that I couldn’t enjoy it even if it might be good.
    But seriously, Spam at Costco?! WEIRD.

  9. So ironic you should mention just a story….Today, after I spent a full 20 minutes working out a storm at the gym….I found myself meandering the aisles of Save Mart to get a hold of some mac n cheese….I bought about ten boxes….on my way to the check out line, I saw the “canned meat aisle’….and YES, i dry heaved…..this should go down in the What To Expect books.

  10. I like Spam (Turkey Spam the best)! It came in handy when I had a fractured wisdom tooth over a three day weekend, and it was the only food product I could swallow without chewing. That and milk and ice cream. Kept me alive until the dentist was available on Monday. I have several (maybe seven) cans on the shelf, just in case (earthquakes, etc.). They are easy to open…..don’t need a can opener. Well, enough of this! No, I’m not a Spam employee………….just sayin’…….

  11. P.S. I carry Spam in the car when on long road trips…. Just in case…… One never knows………..

  12. P.S. P.S. Oh, and after I had my wisdom tooth removed, after the proper waiting period for eating, guess what!! Spam it was…….I didn’t have to chew and kept me alive for a few more days until my gum healed…….just sayin’…..

  13. CONFESSION: I have NEVER tried SPAM. Not going to. It is the nastiest thing I really could imagine. Meat in a can? What is SPAM? What kind of meat? And the freebies at Costco, really do cost. Patience. The vulture behavior is annoying. You are right.

  14. I just found your blog and saw the shoe clips. Super cute, easy and well explained. Read your post about rap lyrics, laughed hard, decided I liked your style. But then I saw your spam hating! oh my. Spam is great, have you ever had it in sushi? No joke, it’s delish. Maybe try it AFTER you’re done with the pregnancy bit. It’s a good thing you’re crafty, talented and funny, or else I’d have to stop reading, hehe.

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