I want my own TLC show

These “addiction” shows are going to be the end of me, I just know it. It seems like there’s a different one on every night, showcasing the crazy behaviors of seemingly normal people and I just can’t stop watching them! The greatest thing about these laundry soap-eating, coupon-clipping, cat-obsessed people is that they are actually making me feel REALLY normal. This is a positive thing, feeling normal, especially during this incredibly hormonal, unstable, HULK SMASH stage in my life.

If I was to try out for My Strange Addiction, I’m not sure¬†which of my nutty pregnancy-related obsessions would win me a 30 minute spot on the show, but undoubtedly one of them would. The episode might go a little something like this:

Dramatic intro music plays and I appear on your screen, wedged in the comfy corner of my couch where I usually get stuck and need actual assistance getting pulled out. A scraggly mass of hair is gathered in a messy bun on top of my head, dark circles pool beneath my eyes, and a bowl of ice cream sits on my round belly. I’m watching What Not to Wear, which is ironic because I’m wearing sweatpants, mismatched socks and no bra.

The addict speaks up:

My name is Morgan and I’m addicted to…

…lifting up my shirt and checking on the state of my belly button. Is it still an innie? WILL IT MAKE UP IT’S FLIPPING MIND ALREADY?

…Googling “ways to induce labor”, followed by spending the day eating fresh pineapple, walking 48 miles and doing jumping jacks. Then laying awake in bed for 5 hours, convinced “the contractions are getting stronger!” while Justin mumbles “mmhmm, that’s nice, honey” and falls back to sleep. Meanwhile, I contemplate doing something especially active, such as punching him in the back of the head in order to bring on more contractions. But in the end, meh, it’s 2am and I need sleep.

…not shaving my legs. I repeat, NOT shaving them. I can’t reach them without feeling like I’m busting a rib so I just don’t even try. Feel free to call me Sasquatch.

…eating hot cheetos with mustard. I know. I’d like to blame the pregnancy for this one, but a friend in high school told me to try it and I’ve never looked back. I’m healthy.

Okay, so maybe I could give some of these addiction show people a run for their money, but isn’t that to be expected at the end of a pregnancy? Nine months of hormones. Nine months of gaining weight. Nine months of WAITING.

I’m normal. I’m like, totally normal.

33 thoughts on “I want my own TLC show

  1. HAHAHAHA! Too funny! I was dying reading this! I hear there is a restaurant in town that has a baby inducing food…I can't recall what it was because when some guy felt it necessary to inform me about all the pregnant ladies I felt more like running and not listening than paying attention to what he said.

  2. I bet he was talking about Olive Garden! I've had more people tell me to eat the soup, salad & breadsticks to get labor going than anything else. So funny!

  3. Hahaaaaa yes, these shows are my fav! In fact I watch about 5 different ones ;) so I just realized about shaving when you’re big and preggo…dang! Do you just end up in labor a hairy mess??? Aggggghhh

  4. Is it bad that I just found a crevice of my armpit that doesn’t get shaved regularly?! Errr, I’m not preggos but I found some (sasquatch) hair I wasn’t expecting to find.

    In any case, I’ll raise you for some hot cheetos in return for some more Tosh Wed Redemption episodes, and I don’t even like spicy food!

  5. Mommy gets lazy about shaving her legs in the winter and she ISN’T pregnant. You have nothing to worry about – and you’re almost at the finish line!

  6. i love feeling normal… especially when i look like a beached whale. but we are almost there!!! just one more week right? i am pretty sure that we are just about the same :) good luck! and keep walking!

  7. you sound exactly like my sister in law. On Christmas, we were googling “how to enduce labor” …and started watching crazy youtube videos of people drinking castro oil…

    hot cheetos with mustard? Oh my. I’m not prego and it sounds delish.
    Maybe i need to be on that show too!!
    Btw, love that show!! LOL

  8. I would totally watch it!

    You sound exactly like I was at the end of my pregnancy. Once I was finished working I don’t think I changed out of my sweats, or into a bra, until I had to drive to the hospital.

  9. My husband volunteered to shave my legs for me at the end of my pregnancy because he said he didn’t like sleeping with a hairy beast. Yes, he called me a beast. The nerve …

  10. I BELIEVE IN PINEAPPLE
    it totally did nothing to create actual labour but every time I ate an entire pineapple by myself (I know. Which part of that is not sad/funny/wow. Every time. Entire pineapple. TRUE.) I definitely dilated more.
    I have never had Hot Cheetos. is it a special kind of cheetos, or just heated up cheetos? I’m pretty sure IWANT either way.

  11. lol, what a coincidence! i surfed over to your blog while watching “my strange addiciton” (the couch cushion-eater/fur suit-wearing episode) & eating chips. i vote normal…

  12. Cannot reach past my thighs at this point, so the calves are very hairy. I think if I sat down I could reach at least the insides, but then I’d never get up.

  13. You’re weird. Kidding! You are fab.

    By the way, I made one of the cheery yarn wreaths, and I DID worry about all the lumps and bumps…so it took me about 3 1/2 hours to make. But it is cheery and…yarny.

  14. just thought you’d like to know I lol-ed at this, oooh at least a hundred times whilst people looked over at me sat with my laptop like I was a crazy person xx

  15. Hi there! My name is Amanda and I’m addicted to reading other people’s blogs. I just started my own and I’ve been reading yours for awhile so I thought I would introduce myself! so Hey!!

    ps..I’ve seen those shows *yay TLC* and I totally wish I could be a coupon lady. Except maybe minus the garage full of canned goods.

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