What happens in Zumba class…

Watch a few seconds of this, then proceed:

Zumba is crazy. I joined a class back in 2009 and almost immediately went down 2 sizes. I seriously don’t think I had been that skinny since I was about four years old. If you haven’t tried it yet, do so immediately, but be warned: white girl dancing skills are really put to the test. It’s a combination of hip hop and Latin with some kick boxing and belly dancing thrown in there, so a healthy amount of booty shaking is definitely involved. You WILL feel stupid at first, but that’s just part of it. Soon enough though, you’ll start feeling legit and like you could be doing the Put a Ring on It dance at weddings and such. The great thing about it is that no matter how little rhythm you have, you still burn calories like a beast.

Now I will be shutting off my infomercial voice so I can tell you about my current class. I joined a new gym and have been taking the Zumba class for the past few weeks with my friend Tara. We sort of hide out in the back of the room so we can shoot looks at each other when that one older lady busts out her jingly belly dancing skirt and have no one judge us for it (she seriously thinks she’s Shakira, it’s hilarious). It’s like our high school physics class all over again, just replace the nice teacher who gave us extra credit and let us eat candy in class with a Ricky Martin/devil hybrid.

Our devil instructor is a guy, which is a new thing for me. I have to be honest… he scares me a mighty bit. I like women teachers because they don’t have wieners. They don’t check out your butt when they’re pretending to ‘evaluate your form’, they don’t make you bounce around too much because they understand how it can be painful in two very specific regions, and if they think your moves could use some work, they are sensitive to your feelings and don’t point out your flaws publicly. This guy on the other hand, makes us bounce constantly. Also, he will stand in front of you and shake his head if you’re not performing to your full potential. He will remain in that spot until you acknowledge him and begin to shimmyshake with more purpose. Basically he shames you in front of the whole class, but with lots of Latino flair and a smile. He’s only done it to me once during my very first class and I was so afraid of making eye contact with him so he stayed there for like 3 days. Ever since then I make sure to really put the effort into those moves so he’ll stay up at the front by Shakira where he belongs.

The other day I was dancing away and I was finally starting to feel a bit of my old skinny, sassy self returning. Remember how I told you that happens? Well Rule #1 to Zumba is DON’T lose yourself in the music. I know Eminem tells you to in 8 Mile, but just don’t. I made this fatal mistake that day when a good song came on and didn’t realize that I had shimmied and bounced my nursing pads right out the top of my bra. They peered out the top of my tank top and said hi to the whole class for who knows how long. Thankfully the devil was busy embarrassing some other poor girl at the time so he didn’t notice and start shaking his head at me. It was his fault they popped out anyway because of all the bouncing!

Didn’t I start this post by telling you the benefits of Zumba? My bad. It really is fun, trust me… just wear a good bra and leave your nursing pads and shame at home.

29 thoughts on “What happens in Zumba class…

  1. If it’s any consolation, i’m Brazilian and I still can’t dance like that lolol. I have two left feet and anything that requires me moving my hips comes out as an abomination.

  2. I still haven’t taken a Zumba class but it looks like fun! I do have some Carmen Electra videos that I have fun dancing to ;-P

  3. HAHAAH! I was not expecting that ending! I could picture the whole thing in my head too haha. Hilarious post.

  4. Zumba is AMAZING!

    Nursing pads popping out of tanktops = hilarious. Yes please. Had I seen you gettin’ down like that I would have stopped to watch. :P

  5. Mwahaha! OMG, that was just the laugh I needed to counteract watching Up this morning (the first ten minutes leaves me a sobby mess). I hear ya on the nursing pads. I don’t miss those at all. Kudos to you for getting back in the groove so quickly! And I loved “evaluate your form”. LOL!

  6. Oh, yes. Never wear nursing pads while working out! ;)

    I figure I’m working out to hard to cause any letdown or leakage.

    Eep. I have had the nursing pads creep up at other inopportune times, though.

    (I just started working out intensely – and while I can see a difference in my abs, my milk supply is down. So, I am eating a lot to make up for it. WIN.)

  7. Oh my gosh!! This was HILARIOUS!! I read your blog all the time, but I haven’t ever commented. This brought it out in me, though, ha. I was NOT expecting that ending. So awesome.

    And you’re giving my 7.5 months pregnant body some hope that I’ll be able to get my kickin’ size 6 body back post-baby. This is my first pregnancy, and as vain as it sounds, losing my figure is among my top “baby fears” along with the normal mommy stuff.

    So thank you!! This gives me hope!! =)

  8. I want to try Zumba, but I honestly do not think I could do it. Dancing in public? I’ll leave that to drunken nights out with my friends.
    Nursing pads playing peek a boo? Hilarious.
    Girl, you so funny!

  9. Oh no! That’s such a good story. I’ve been going to zumba classes for the last few months but I’ve never had a male instructor! I don’t think I’d like that as much. Our instructor is so positive and cheery all the time and that makes such a big difference when you feel like a moron.

  10. This is the funniest blog post I’ve ever read!!!! ha ha

    Thanks for a good laugh :-)
    and from another mom who is also nursing thanks for the Zumba warning ha ha

  11. LOL!! I have never tried Zumba and have been oh so intrigued (bc of you!) yet oh so TERRIFIED because, well, I have no skills whatsoever AT ALL. But now, between Natali’s Zumba post and this one it is now decided forever and ever amen that I never will attempt Zumba ever! haha!! And a male instructor!? Ahh! You so brave mama!!

  12. Amazing. I totally want to try this now! I always thought Zumba was like “workout dancing” if that makes sense. I didn’t know it was so bootylicious and, well.. legit! I danced for 14 years and it’s the only form of exercise that didn’t bore me to tears. You should get commission for everyone who joins after this post! ;)

  13. That is hilarious! I have tried the Zumba, it is a lot of fun. I also used to do hip hop at gym which I loved, but they cut the class now :( The dance classes are a total workout!

  14. YYYEEEEESSSSS Zumba is awesome! My BFF’s mom convinced us to go with her once and then proceeded to cackle while we hyperventilated and nearly died. So, after getting showed up by a bunch of 50+ ladies, I haven’t had the nerve to go back.

  15. Well I’m white and have never been “skinny” so I’d be screwed! I’ve already started thinking about how to lose the baby weight and the prebaby weight and that topic came up with LOTS of laughter. You are brave and probably a tad crazy, I lack the male parts to even muster the courage to walk into a Zumba class!

  16. I love Zumba! I did the class here where I live for about a month or so! You burn tons of calories and don’t even realize it because you’re giggling at yourself and everyone else so much! :-P

  17. I’m not sure how I came across your blog, but I am SO glad I found it. Your ‘ Me being crazy’ category led me to this post and I just spit out my oatmeal while reading it from laughing so hard. Especially that line where your instructor stood in front of your for “3 DAYS”. ahahha hilarious! Thanks for the laughs, seriously :)

  18. Bwahaha, I just came across your blog via Oneprettything.com, and I seriously can’t stop reading/laughing. Your Zumba experience sounds like lots of fun, but here in Germany it’s not very popular (yet), so the DVDs are my only option.
    Your site is the best find of the day. Bookmarked.

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