An entirely too long post about how my kids don’t sleep, ever.

How exactly is one supposed to get sleep with a toddler and an infant? Aren’t kids supposed to sleep, like 20 hours a day or something? I swear I heard that somewhere. Well it seriously seems like my kids are the two children in the entire universe who actually hate to sleep… and so naturally, they hate me.

When I was a kid, I slept all the time. Everywhere. In 12 hour blocks.

I looked through my mom’s photo albums today and found these three in under 2 minutes. There are at least 900 photos of me sleeping in various stages throughout my young life.

What an angel, right? I was my own dream kid, I’m telling you. If I had a child who loved sleeping and napping as much as I did, do you know how much I could accomplish? If Maddie’s nap time still existed on the regular, I could watch one of my DVR’d Kardashian shows. Or bake some cupcakes. Or perhaps I’d be able to sit down and write a post every day like I used to. What stupid stuff did I complain about back then? Getting burned at the tanning bed? I would give my left boob to be able to lay in a tanning bed for 12 minutes every day for the next month, and maybe even some of my right one as well. I wouldn’t even turn the bed on, I’d just rest there in peaceful silence. Ah, the days of napping yore.

These days, a typical morning for us goes something like this:

Jack wakes up at 5am with grunty little baby boy screams. I whisper frantically to him, “PLEAAAAAASE DON’T WAKE UP YOUR SISTER! Please please please!” I tiptoe past her bedroom door and peek in, then breathe a sigh of relief  when I see I was able to get Jack back to sleep without awakening the beast from her slumber. I soon realize that my quiet sigh of relief was a fatal mistake. The beast’s supersonic hearing picked it up. Her eyes pop open as she’s laying there and I freeze in place. Maybe she’s like a T-Rex and won’t see me if I stand completely still?

“HI MOM! I WANT SOME CEREAL!”

(Note to self: she’s not a T-Rex.)

“Maddie, it’s still night time. Go back to sleeeeeeeep…” I speak in the faintest, calming tones, hoping to trick her into thinking I’m nice and that she likes me. Nice Mommy deserves to get back in bed for another hour.

“I waaaaaaaaaaaaant some CEEEEER. EEEE. ULLLLL!!!” The walls shake in response to her hulk rage.

(Nice Mommy deserves NOTHING, apparently.)

“Shh, honey. It’s not time for cereal. It’s time to go back to bed…”

And then from the other room, Jack’s grunts start. I keep Maddie quiet for a moment as I listen. Maybe he’ll fall back asleep. He calms down and everything goes quiet again.

“CEREAL!!!!!!!!!!”

Jack cries. So much for that. Might as well make some coffee.

This same scenario occurs at nap time every day as well, so I usually just give up and let Maddie lay on the couch and watch a movie for “quiet time” instead. Bed time? Well, I won’t even go into that. It’s 2 hours of pleading, bawling and there is much weeping and gnashing of teeth. And Maddie cries a little bit too.

Her other favorite thing to do is crawl into bed with us at some point during the night and just stare at us until we wake up. That is the most terrifying thing ever, waking up to your child’s face an inch away from yours while they smile maniacally.

Anyway, I know I’m Ranty Ranterson over here, I just miss my blessed sleep. Any idea how to make naps appealing to a two year old? I’ve tried everything. I even told her that Belle sleeps all the time and that’s why she has the energy to run through fields and sing and also why her skin is so radiant. I want radiant skin too, dang it. I just don’t think she bought that one.

P.S. Two of my friends, Nanette & Lisa, both have daughters Maddie’s age who seem to be having the same problem. Maybe it’s just a toddler thing?

46 thoughts on “An entirely too long post about how my kids don’t sleep, ever.

  1. No, Lord please no!! Lie to me and tell me that they sleep 12 hours after like a month. I need pretty pictures at the end of this! Haha random sobbing (1/2 through I’m crying because I can’t believe I’m even crying), fatness, exhaustion has to be for a fairly tale at the end! :p

    Okay, I guess I have to wake up and smell the roses! Fortunately there’s the teenage years where they’ll try to beat me in a sleeping/lack of productiveness…yes I said try!

  2. Yeah, everyone tells me that around two to two and a half, unless your are REALLY lucky, they pretty much give up naps. I’ve tried the quiet time thing, but it usually just results in more frustration. She will nap if we are coming from somewhere around nap time and she falls asleep in the car. Then I can usually transition her. That’s what I did today. :) So I guess I am mostly giving up…

  3. oh my word..mine sleeps all.the.time..so much that it is ridiculous.
    i slept all the time too..so..i have no advice.

    :( wish you could get some sleep.

    maybe if you started a sticker chart for maddie and at the end of the week if she does bed time and naps good she can get a prize?!

  4. “The beast’s supersonic hearing picked it up. Her eyes pop open as she’s laying there and I freeze in place. Maybe she’s like a T-Rex and won’t see me if I stand completely still?”

    Freaking hilarious, you crack me up. I remember doing that with my kids too.

  5. Hey there! I have a 9 month old little boy and my daughter is 2 years and 10 days older… so I’m right there with you. **Warning long comment, but hopefully will be somewhat helpful. I’m all about helping other mamas in the same boat as me. :)

    A friend of mine recommended the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child – OH MY GOSH! BEST BOOK EVER! My 2 and half year old went through the anti-nap/2 hour bedtime routine bit when little brother came home and for about 2 – 3 months after and I was finally at my whit’s end. If you haven’t read the book, I’d highly recommend it. Two of the best pieces I took from the book: 1.) A baby under the age of 5 months should not be awake more than 1.5 – 2 hours at a time. Getting the babe down before they are overly tired helps them sleep longer and 2.) Keeping babies/toddlers up later does not mean they will sleep in later. Okay, and 3.) A child under the age of 3 should have a bedtime no later than 7:30 preferably between 6:30 – 7:30. Keeping a strict schedule and routine has worked wonders for us. It only took about a week to get big sister going to bed by 7:30 (asleep no later than 8) and baby boy is in bed by 6:30. Now we have our hiccups along the way, but for the most part staying consistent and strong (not giving in when that seems to be the easiest route) has paid off. Good luck mama! Hang in there! I love my sleep too so totally know what you’re going through. Hugs!

  6. My daughter is 25 months and nap time ceases to exist anymore. Its something I’m trying to come to terms with. She’s a terror because she’s unapped and tired but won’t sleep. She likes to play w our faces too while we are sleeping. It isn’t her smiling face that creeps me out its the child voiced whispers in the dark of the night that give ne the heebie jeebies.

  7. Ah, I wish I had some words of wisdom for you… my 3 1/2 year old daughter hasn’t taken a nap at all since 18 months, and my 7 month old son has already pushed himself down to 1 nap, following right in his big sister’s footsteps. I feel for ya! Though I’m glad to see I’m not the only one with this problem… all of my friends have good nappers, so I thought I was alone lol.

  8. I don’t know if it’ll work, but I suggest doing it the Super Nanny way. Put her to bed all nice like, but when she starts to get out of bed, put her back without saying anything at all. If it works the way Super Nanny says it does, she should cry for a while but it should work out in the end. Good luck!!

  9. I cannot offer any suggestions.

    I just wanted to say I L.O.V.E. this post. The T-Rex…so funny.

    Good luck!

  10. Okay first of all I snickered with ‘and maddie cries some too’
    and secondly, bless my sister in law from here to kingdom come, she came me a great tip when I was going through that with Nicole
    it’s caaaaallleddddd…
    READING TIME!
    You and Maddie crawl in bed (yours) and you explain that you are NOT going to bed, you are both going to read, it’s reading time. Either you read her one book and then you each read your own, or you just start with each reading your own (slacker mom here liked the magic to happen fast so we skipped to each reading our own.)
    So, you lay there and flip through some trashy magazine. Uh, I mean, educational science book. And your little Maddiebear sees you doing this so she flips through her book. This sometimes takes a bit of ignoring to happen. But, magically, as she lays there flipping through the pages (and staring at you trying to decide if you’re actually reading or also just flipping) those eyelids, they get so heavy… sooooo…. heavyyyyyyy… and the napping begins!!!! And then you do a completely silent fistpump and slink off to waste your time doing absolutely nothing constructive.

    As for bedtime… well… we tied Nicole’s door handle to the bathroom door. HAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING. No I’m not.

  11. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

    I have #2 coming in october so you mean my what-will-be 2 year old is going to stop sleeping!?!?! AHHHHH!!!

    By the way, this post was so hilarious!! I laugh out loud (it’s more than l.o.l.) and although I love your crafts, I will continue to read this blog for your hilarious posts on everyday life! ;)

  12. omy, i’m stressed out just reading this. like breaking out in hives for you. that sounds horrid:( i’m so sorry. my 2nd son hated sleep and even though he was the sweetest baby ever, the whole “no sleep thing” is a deal breaker, no matter how good the baby is!

    and LOL about you giving your left boob(and part of your right)

  13. Totally cracked up at this post! I have a two year old and a 9 month old. When my toddler transitioned to her big girl bed, we had some rough patches getting her to stay in bed and sleep. What worked for us was baking a “Sleep Rules Chart” and putting it on her door. You can google “sleep rules” and read about it or check out how I did it here:
    http://motherhoodandmiscellany.blogspot.com/2011/03/tutus-and-sleep.html (sorry it’s kind of a long post, but it has a pic of the poster I did). Good luck!! I know I hate days when one of my girls doesn’t nap!

  14. First of all. Awesome writing, all of it. Love.

    Second. This is why I am so afraid to have a second at this point. My daughter isn’t quite 2, I still nurse her to sleep and if that doesn’t work I go in the bathroom with the light off and the fan on and rock her until she’s dead in my arms. Some days are easy and she’ll nurse and go right to bed. Or roll around in bed until she falls asleep. But not always or often.

    Basically I’m the kind of mom that the sleep books tell you not to be. It works for us though and I’m not tough enough to let her flip her shit until she falls asleep. On super desperate days I put her in my bed with a binky and blankets tucked up to her chin and turn on Nick Jr. while I shower. Almost always does the trick. What I’m saying is, I feel for your zombified self.

  15. Eeek. That’s no fun indeed, Morgan.

    That little trick I wrote about in the post you linked to is actually STILL working, for the most part. We have some nights where she stalls a bit, but we’re at a point now where we say, “What do we say?” And she responds, with a smile, “No yelling. No crying. Just sleep.”

    She protests at naptime, but only for a minute. I’m fortunate that she still ***knock on wood*** generally naps for two hours — from 1-3, and sometimes until 3:30. We have some days with Nap Strikes, but it could be worse. She’s also still in her crib, and if she wasn’t, that might be a whole ‘nother ballgame.

    We also have a Good Nite Lite, which worked amazingly well for quite a while. Now that we’re on the cusp of potty-training, though, she’s more aware of being wet. So she’s been waking around 6:45 (today it was 5:15 — rare, and ANNOYING), complaining about being wet.

  16. My boyfriend managed to train his daughter to stay in her room all night and she sits quietly in her room during nap time even though she often does not sleep. It’s amazing. She is horrendous though in the times leading up to that for anyone else. We have words every time I have to put her to bed. We are at the point now where she glares at me and then is grumpy the entire time she brushes her teeth and gets ready for bed. I am going to marry this man just for his child taming nap/bedtime skills.

  17. I don’t have any advice. I am however going to wait until I get 8 hours of sleep before considering having another one. Goodness.

    Sleep is so good I don’t understand why kids hate it so.

  18. OH. MAN. this sounded waaaay to similar to my life for the first several months that my second was born. my first would wake up at the crack of dawn, RIGHT after I’d get baby done with his middle of the night feeding. there was a few months there were my days were starting at like 3:30 or 4.

    So I feel your pain. believe me I do.

    and honestly, I have no tips, other than persevere. and invest in lots of coffee.

    okay, maybe a few tips.

    a white noise machine has SAVED MY LIFE. either in each room or in just the “beasts” room ;) that white noise helps block the noise of a sibling, or a toilet flushing, or a phone ringing. it really did change EVERYTHING.

    and I too have heard really amazing things about the book mentioned above, the healthy sleep, happy child.

    okay, this might be the worlds longest first comment left by a stranger ever.

    although are we technically strangers when we have so many mutual friends?

    okay really, I’m ending now.

  19. I like the part of this post where you apologized for ranting about not sleeping. Are you crazy? If I miss even a few hours of sleep, I mope all day. Basically you’ve earned whining for like 64 years at this point.

    I have no advice, though. Have you tried telling them that, when they’re 20, they’re going to look back on this time and feel really stupid? It’s true. It could work.

  20. haha just picturing Maddie’s cute little face staring at you while you sleep has me laughing out loud. My dog does that, not that I am comparing your non-sleeping child to my always sleeping dog.
    p.s. I don’t mind your ranting, its nice to see you’re still surviving stay at home momhood.

  21. ohhhh Morgan. My poor sleep-deprived friend. I’m so sorry for you, because let’s be honest, most of us moms have been there. And it’s horrid.
    There’s nothing like that complete-lack-of-sleep exhaustion that comes with a baby AND a toddler AND the loss of regular naptimes. It seriously sucks the life out of you. NO FUN AT ALL.
    I really have no good advice for you, unfortunately, just prayers and wishes for more rest for you soon (WITHOUT you having to sacrafice any of your boobies, preferably), and mad props for your always-humorous approach. You’re the best.
    Maddie and Jack, give your mommy some peace and quiet soon, because her readers and friends miss her!!! :)

  22. “Her other favorite thing to do is crawl into bed with us at some point during the night and just stare at us until we wake up. That is the most terrifying thing ever, waking up to your child’s face an inch away from yours while they smile maniacally.”

    HAHAHAHAHA 100% agree with you! Takes some restraint not to shove them out of bed! My 3 year old does the exact same thing, but if she has to stare too long she gives up & snuggles unbearably close–squishing me in the middle of her & my husband. GAH!

  23. oh my word!!! this is the best post ever *and I haven’t even finished reading it yet!!* I just had to comment quickly….

    Firstly..I was sitting here LOL!!! (majorly!!) you describe everyday moments exactly like they are and I can promise you, EVERY mother can relate!! First of all…I remember the nap times SO well! What is it with us mothers? When our babies are newborns we wonder when they will ever be awake so we can play with them and stare adoringly into their eyes and then when they grow and ARE awake, we wonder when the next time nap time is???

    Secondly…I laughed so much at the left boob thing and the tanning bed….

    Thirdly…If there is ONE thing that freaks me about my kids is the exact scenario you described…and it STILL happens (my daughter is the only one that does this and she has always done it and she is now 7-sorry to burst your bubble!!) I often SENSE her staring at me and I wake up to see her just standing next to my side of the bed, staring at me. When she was younger, she would put her face literally right on mine and breathe-how about waking up to that?? I still get totally freaked out!!

    *back to reading your post*

    Sorry to say but kids around the age of 3 start to loose they whole day time nap process! My son stopped napping in the day when he was about 2.5 and my daughter stopped around 3 but I still got her to take a nap every now and then during the day for another year or so after that *that’s cos I needed to nap and she had no choice!!*

    You will find that if your daughter( who is two right?) is not sleeping well at night, it’s normally cos she is getting too much sleep in the day. When the day naps stopped for mine, the night sleep improved and so did mine!

    ….All I can say is that it DOES get better the older they get.

    xxx

  24. Sorry, but I started laughing at the idea of waking up to a smiling toddler inches from my face :)

    I think Maddie is a bit younger than my daughter and she went through a very brief phase where she wouldn’t nap, but would be out cold around 7p each night. She reverted back to a daily nap, so maybe Maddie will.

    As for sleep? I think you might need a copy of this delightful book. Have you seen this? :)

    http://www.amazon.com/Go-F-Sleep-Adam-Mansbach/dp/1617750255

  25. Oh honey, so been there. When my second was born my first decided to give up naps, and would become a monster at about 6 pm every night. I finally just put her in her room with her Leapster (which was a gift from the gods, I swear) and told her she didn’t HAVE to nap *wink wink* but she did have to stay in her room, on her bed, until I came to get her, and be quiet. I would hear her playing with her Leapster as I put the baby down then hear PLUNNK, as the thing hit the floor when she nodded off. Sometimes you just have to go the sneaky mommy route! Good luck!

  26. Take her out at three in the morning to pee and she’ll sleep in with you til noon. Wait, I think that only works with dogs. Yeah, I have no idea what to tell you. Sorry you aren’t sleeping, but I had to laugh at the part where you wake up and she is staring at you.

  27. I feel your pain!!! It is SO hard!
    My now 4 year old stopped napping when she was two. The fight was just not worth it. I started doing quiet time where she had to have a snack and watch a movie and that is still working for us. A plus is she is soooo tired at night now so bed time is fight free :)
    It will get easier. My babies are 22 months a part and I know how hard you are working!

  28. This is sound really weird, but at the daycare I work at, we have three reluctant sleepers in my class (2 1/2 and 3 year olds) and they all fall asleep with-in a few moments if you have them lie on their stomachs and rub their feet. Go figure…

  29. i thought those were pictures of maddie at first, she is the spitting image of you as a kid!

    no ideas for ya, except maybe benadryl? i hear it makes kids sleepy. is that awful? clearly i have no children yet.

  30. Maddie looks exactly like you when you were her age! I just discuss being tired with Laila. It’s kind of an inside joke between us sometimes because I’ll say, “mama’s tired” and she’ll reply, “no I’m tired.” We just go back and forth saying that the other person can’t be tired because “I am”. It’s silly but she isn’t afraid to honestly admit she’s tired when she is and she will actually say she’s ready for a nap some times. I don’t know if this is why she’s still napping. We still have some issues at bed time, she plays the “I gotta go potty” game.

  31. You. Are. Hilarious…..

    I have no advice for you, I’m sorry, but your post was crazy funny.
    I have an almost 18month old, and we are trying for #2…..so I guess this is what I have to look forward to….

  32. first… i love your blog and i read you all of the time! i get excited for new posts… so i feel like being nerdy and saying… “long time listener, first time caller…”

    i have had a tough couple of years in the sleeping department. my children are all a year apart and their ages are 4, 3, and 2. and i love sleep. so much so, that i would PAY to take a nap. as in actuall cash.

    i struggled with getting my first born to nap. it was hard because i let him be my boss. and i was never a believer in letting them “cry it out.” i just tried to exist in my situation.

    by baby number 2 with number 3 on the way… i had to do something different. i was falling apart. i am NOT a mother who follows a schedule. and at that point in my life, i was not a mother who let her children cry. i hated the sound of it and i would get super pissed at anyone who told me to do it. and i worried about letting my son CIO because he was in a big boy bed. how was i supposed to get him to stay in it? chain him down? cage him? hahaha.

    so here is the worst mothering advice ever and exactly what i do:
    #1. when baby is 8 months old (8 mo is my magic number and i am a genius so go with it) lay baby in crib and let them cry for no longer than 15 mins. i promise they will stop by 14 1/2.
    #2. put older child in room with a movie on and tell them they have to watch it. when this doesn’t work…. let them crawl into bed with you and watch “noggin” while you try and sleep.
    #3. leave house disaster. there really is no point in afternoon clean ups because they will just destroy it later. instead have intense pick up session right after they go to bed.
    #4. to get them to go to sleep (after you’ve made it to my magic 8 month marker), give baby bottle or nurse baby and then lay them to sleep at 8:30PM. they should be CIO only 12 mins or so with that number going down everytime. (promise! it worked for the younger two for me… but not for my oldest because he was my first and “practice” baby that i pretty much ruined in the sleep department.)
    #5. let older child watch cartoons in your bed while you do intense clean up session while your husband plays wii or sits on facebook making you mad. by this time baby has stopped crying and child should be falling asleep in your room.
    #6. remove sleeping child from your room and place in their room.
    #7. at 2:37am when older child wakes… put into bed with you and try to sleep with them hogging the whole bed.
    #8. wake up again to nurse baby. fall asleep while doing so and wake up in recliner. ugggh.
    #9. get up again at 5… feed them and try to sleep in recliner while holding them.

    and now that my youngest is 2… i SWEAR it has gotten easier and i do sleep now! i just survived for 3 years with no sleep. my mother in law would come over so i could nap sometimes… but that was about it! good luck!

  33. I am a random reader of your blog and I LOVED this post!!! I really thought I was alone in the my kids hate to sleep department. I have a 4 yr old, 2 yr old, and 2 month twins yeah crazy no sleep here! My 2 year old is the worst!! She doesn’t nap. Her first 2 years of life she was a champion napper and then all the sudden she decided she was over it and it kills me. I dread nighttime with her it’s hell! The good news my 4 yr old was like that and is now a great sleeper. I was giving some advice to a friend with a one year old and I said “don’t worry everything is a phase and he’ll grow out of it” I know it’s not easy in the moment but it’s so true they do. It’s so hard for me especially having these new twins but someday ( maybe even 15 yrs :( ) my 2 year old will sleep hopefully along with yours! Good luck to us all who really need and want our sleep!

  34. oh gosh, Isaiah gave up naps at 2yrs old b/c of this drama and then when I COULD get him down for a nap he would stay up until like 11pm at night and Mama wasn’t having that either. The one bonus to him giving up naps was that he started going to bed at 6-6:30 every night so it ended up being worth it.
    Malachi on the other hand is my child sent straight from Jesus himself. He STILL naps 2-3 hours every day and is in bed at 8pm every night, the child loves his sleep. When he was 2 he used to ask to “go nigh nigh Mama?” if he got tired before his scheduled nap time. He is strange but I’m REALLY hoping this next kid is like him and lovvvvvves to sleep.
    BUT YEAH, let’s be real, she probably will NOT be. ;)

  35. My oldest daughter stopped taking naps at 2 1/2. Even now at the age of 5 1/2, she can’t/won’t fall asleep for naps. Here is what we did, and it worked alright for us. We instituted mandatory rest time. During this time, our daughter spends time in her room for at least 1 hour or more doing what she wants. I know that it might be a little hard for a 2 year old to understand right away, but what we started with was listening to a cd and playing quietly. We said that she could play, (wich is what she would have done anyway) but she needed to do it quietly until the cd was over. We made it a “big” sister thing and something special that she got to do while baby brother was sleeping. I would pick an insanely long cd, like 60-90 minutes. When she started picking out her own cd’s I would put them on repeat if they weren’t long enough. Most of the time she didn’t notice that they had started over. When she was younger sometimes she would fall asleep wich was a bonus. Our children’s rooms have been “child-proofed” so I felt perfectly comfortable leaving her alone in her room. We would put the child gate in the door and leave the door open so we could hear if anything got out of hand. Now that she is older, she understands that everyone, even mommy, needs a little time to themselves.

    We have three children, and our youngest (age 16 months) loves to sleep—-FINALLY!!!! So, it works that everyone has quiet time when the baby naps. Even me! You will get through this—-and then you will love teasing your daughter when she had kids and complains about them not sleeping.

    Good luck!

  36. I just wanted to also add that all three of my children sleep all night with music on. They start with a cd that they have picked, and then I changed it to Christian music when they are sleeping. I think it helps drown out the morning noise and the noise that I make after they go to bed. I don’t play it loudly, just soft. They can’t sleep with out it though, so be prepared when you spend the night somewhere else if you try it!!

    A book that I read that was really good about discipline was “Have a new kid by Friday” by Dr. Kevin Lehmen. I didn’t try the seven day system, but I did implement quite a few of his ideas, with consistency being number one, meaning what you say, and also developing a sense of family teamwork. You might try it. He has a lot of great ideas and in the back there is a quick reference for all sorts of questions you might have. He also wrote a book that probably is more for smaller children, “Making children Mind with out loosing yours” that is good as well.

    I am sorry to have written two long comments…..I just really feel for you. I know what it is like to not have kids that sleep—-however, it is getting better and it will get better for you too. Who would have ever thought that a 7:00 a.m. wake up time would be sleeping in????

    Take Care.

  37. Oh Morgan, wish I could help. Sorry I have no helpful advice. It has been a while since I have told you that I love you, so I think I should tell you, I do. Oh, and I think you get more hilarious everyday. Or maybe it’s just being delirious from the lack of sleep.

  38. Tyler used to (still does when he’s really tired) throw tantrums when it was time for nap or bed. Usually to the effect of, “I want to sleep at Mommy’s! I don’t want to stay here!” We found out he was doing the opposite at Mommy’s so that problem was solved easily (kids can be quite manipulative, can’t they?). The main thing is consistency at sleeping times. A certain routine like, change clothes, brush teeth, potty and a book in bed. I have to say books are now the biggest bargaining device with Tyler. He loves them and at 5 is now able to read US books before bed. If he starts misbehaving during bedtime readiness, you just take the book away and he’s great.
    Also, the whole sleeping in the parents’ bed thing: sorry, but it creeps me out. Maybe because I’m a step-mom and came into his life at 3 and not newborn, but as soon as we got married, we made him understand the importance of closed doors=privacy/knock first (awkward shower moment started that, eek!) and that he has to sleep in his own bed. He would come in at the smokin’ crack of dawn and sleep for a few more not-quality hours with us until I had had it (ok, like, a week). Doug either leads him back to his bed and shuts the door, encouraging him to play quietly with his music on or sets up the TV with cartoons in the living room for it (this kid knows all about DVR). I know this is a bit easier as they get older, but from the time we explained that we needed to sleep a little longer, or we needed alone time and that he was free to do this pre-approved activity on his own, he was fine. They really understand more than we think they do.

  39. I know EXACTLY what you’re going through.I have a 2 yr old(march 18) and 3 months( feb 22). Its ridiculous.

    At least yours sound like they’re in their own beds, daddy sleeps with raylin(2) and I sleep with the baby…sry for having no advice lol

  40. You are so funny! I just read your post out loud to my husband and we pretty much agreed with everything you said as we have a 4 yr old and newborn too. I totally relate to the staying still part. If she’s sleeping with me (pretty much given up trying to keep her sleeping in her own bed every night) and I see that she’s waking up, I lay perfectly still with my eyes tightly shut until she talks to me. Then I’m like Damn, it didn’t work!

    I also feel ya about the naps. My daughter pretty much stopped napping when she started walking. Never naps. So, I don’t know any different because she’s never done it. But, she did used to nap at her daycare which used to really piss me off.

  41. Ok, so this post is like almost a year old- but I just read it for the first time and about died over “waking up to your child’s face an inch away from yours while they smile maniacally.” Cracks me up. My son is only 1, but I nanny for my nephew and he has done this to me more than once. I hear ya. PS-Love your blog.

  42. This should be published somewhere, seriously!!! Send it to the Washington Post or the NY Times or Oprah! You’re not only hilarious, this is so well-written. This is too good not to get national recognition. Are you a professional writer? LOVE this and thank you for your wit and honesty!

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