Tar-get me out of this apartment before I go insane

Jack, Maddie and I make regular trips to Target during the week. Regular, meaning five times a week on average. I know. Most of the time I have an actual list of things I need, but some days I am just so desperate to get out of the apartment that we just go for something to do. Yes, I just admitted I go walk around Target with a 2 year old and a 4 month old for fun. Anyone want to be my fwend?

Yesterday was one of those days where I actually had something specific to buy, that something being cereal. Justin eats gross kid cereal because it makes him feel young, I’m assuming. He refuses to eat any other breakfast food I buy. Bagels get the stink-eye and remain untouched in the bag on top of the fridge until they grow fur. I don’t even breathe the word oatmeal around him anymore because I just can’t handle watching the dry heaves.

Anyway, I needed to get my wittle husband his milk and ceweal, so I slapped some makeup on my face, packed up the kids and got everyone in the car with the Toy Story soundtrack blaring in 1.5 hours flat. There were zero meltdowns and zero poo-splosions, so naturally I was feeling positive about the day at that point.

Continuing my ride on the crest of happiness, I stopped at Starbucks and bought a latte with my new gold card.

BAM. I’ve been wanting to fit that into a  post somehow for over a week. Isn’t it awesome/pathetic that I go there so often I earned a card with my name on it?

Once at Target, I fell into the usual trap spending $50 on random stuff I didn’t realize I needed until I saw it. Hairspray. Paper towels. A pair of the cute, cheap underwear that make my butt look good. If you’ve been to Target even once in your life then you understand what I”m saying. It adds up quick.

With a cart full of stuff, there was no longer room for Maddie, so I took her out and let her walk next to me. She kept wandering off, tried to hug a bunch of people and honed her klepto skills by sneaking items in the cart when I wasn’t looking. By the time we made it to the checkout line, I fished out a toothbrush, a can of soup and two tubs of frosting (which I honestly considered ‘buying on accident’, but oh yeah, I’m vegan now dang it). The most memorable event was when we took a short cut through the medicine aisle and she made a ridiculous scene while clutching a box of Gas-X. I promise I am not making this up… the kid would not let it go. I started panicking and hoping no one was watching my daughter and I physically fighting over gas medicine while simultaneously trying my hardest to make it obvious they weren’t for me. Because you know, when you have to buy something really personal in a huge store, you think everyone is judging you.

“Mommy doesn’t need those, silly girl!”

Fake smile to other shoppers.

“Put the box back on the shelf and we’ll go look at the toys!”

Beads of sweat. More tug of war.

“Maddie…”

Desperation.

“…handovertheboxandI’llgiveyouacookiewhenwegethome.”

Success.

After all that, I made it home, started unpacking the shopping bags only to realize I forgot the stupid cereal.

39 thoughts on “Tar-get me out of this apartment before I go insane

  1. I make daily trips to walmart in my small 12,000 population town.
    I’m surprised they don’t call me out by name.. but i bet they say “oh look, it’s her again and her two annoying kids.” when they see me walking in.

  2. Noooooooo, you forgot the cereal!! haha! Don’t freaking H-A-T-E when that happens!? I seriously get pissed at myself. That and when I forget to use a damn coupon. Ooooh, I hate that!
    When Malachi was born we lived walking distance from a Target and we went almost every single day and wandered around as one of our daily “activities.” Isaiah would get his popcorn and we’d browse (and I’d buy every item in the dollar section before the week was over and then be annoyed that they hadn’t changed the stock for me, RUDE!)
    The dumbest thing was when I would FORGET that we had walked to the store and I would buy armloads of stuff and then have to figure out how to get it all home in the stroller while still being able to tote around a 3 yr old and a 6mo old.
    P.s. I want a gold card! You look so Starbucks offish! :D

  3. I used to make daily trips to Target even when I didn’t have money. XD It was sad because like your daughter Maddie, I would cling onto stuff knowing I couldn’t have it. Haha. I’m pathetic. We can be fwends!

  4. Chris likes little kid cereal too (Reese’s puffs to be exact). He also eats cereal for dessert/late night snacks. Luckily he will eat all other breakfast foods too :)

    Why do I feel like I got my Gold card way too early? I feel like I got it after a month of registering my card. I don’t even go that much!

  5. Haha! I literally laughed out loud when I read the part about gas-x! I would have done the exact same thing pretending loudly that it wasn’t for me. I go to target waaaay to often too.

  6. Isn’t that always the way? Buy everything else except what you need. When we go to Target together as a family the little one yells for me if I ever leave her side. Hello, daddy is standing right next to you. Not screaming though more like “heeelllooooooo where are youuuuuu” so everyone in Target hears her.

  7. Oh, this post made me laugh so hard because I could have written it. My 7mo old son uses the Target brand formula (one of the only generics that have the AR version), so we go to Target a lot… it’s handy to have an excuse. And I never ever leave with under $50, even if we’re just going for formula. My husband hates when I get bored…

  8. thanks for the laugh today..lol..

    wow…

    and good thing there isn’t a target near me..other than an hour away..cause i can pile the stuff in the cart to!

  9. ahahaha you are cracking me up! This post is hilarious! And yes…Target has the exact same effect on me, except my total is usually tipping towards the triple digits, especially if I make it to the clothes or shoes sections! I love following your blog!
    Emily… thepostscriptofemilywilsondesign.blogspot.com

  10. I cannot tell you how many times I have gone to Target for one thing and come out with a million other items. For instance,I once went to Target to pick up a medication and came out with two dresses, a lip gloss, suntan lotion and a lip stick. I was actually a little annoyed with myself for that one.

  11. oh man, that is hilarious!!! I just love the way you write and sat here, laughing out loud. I can picture it all as you describe the scenes!! I’ll say it again: you should write a book!!

  12. OMG, the GasX faceoff is too funny. And then in the end… you forget what you originally went there for. I do the same thing all. the. time. I think the kids are killing my brain cells. :)

  13. Target, Wal-Mart (it’s closer, don’t judge) – they both make you fall into the hideous I-Forgot-I-Needed-This-But-Look-They-Are-On-Sale trap. The last time I hit up Wal-Mart for panties for my oldest and grapes, and left $125 later. Ugh.

  14. LOL I just about spit out what I was drinking reading about your Gas-X throwdown. It would only be better on video!

    I write this having just got home from a trip to Tar-Jay where I had to go through checkout twice b/c I forgot bug spray. People probably thought I was a bag lady carrying my already-purchased goods through the store.

    Ah well! That place a the suburban mom’s crack!

  15. This is so funny & at times….I thought that you were me. Would you believe that I had to ‘give up’ Target for a month? I have this habit of spending close to $100 every time that I am in that store. There is always something that is calling my name. So, I decided that my unemployed self needed a break. I gave it up for a month. I kept a lovely list of all of the things that I needed so that when the month was finally over I could get there & pick up all of the necessities. I was good & planned beforehand so I had stocked up on so many things. My kids love to roam the aisles to check things out. Oh how I love Target!!

  16. This is awesomely hysterical and reminds me why I love your blog so much – I was seriously just wanting to bookmark you in a new program (because I was punishing myself – no blog reading til more work gets done) and I couldn’t stop reading and laughing… (and relating)! : )

  17. This is hilarious. And always true. That’s how it always is. You go for one thing and leave with a million. Then realize you forgot the one thing you went for. So frustrating!

    Great post!

    Hilary Anne

  18. So I go to Starbucks on occasion but I had never registered for the rewards program… until tonight. Thank you.

    – Fellow addict

  19. When I first got my SBUX gold card in the mail, I was like, well this is a little embarrassing! :) Of course that didn’t stop me from using it and I’ve seen a couple other people using theirs too. I realized though, that I’m not a freak at all for using my gold card b/c I’m the one getting a free drink every 15 drinks and they’re not! =P

  20. HAHA! I do that and I don’t have a baby yet! I love Target, it’s a semi free therapist! I love my Starbucks gold card though…it’s amazing! I get a drink a day so I’m racking in the free drinks every 2 weeks!

  21. I've done ALL of that…plenty of times. Maybe not with cereal and gas-X. But Target seems to be the place…I think last week it was Addison and her and brother (you're not there yet, just wait) fighting and pushing the cart into other people when I thought it was safe to walk 5 feet away for just a sec. ugh. I consistently forget to buy what I actually went to Target for in the first place, but manage to come home having a lot LESS money on me! My kids got icee's that day…..for basically being bad. :/

  22. I swear we live in a parallel universe! My little girl is just as “independent”. I’m eternally grateful that we don’t have Target in the UK…equally grateful that we have Starbucks. A Frappucino light will cure most maladies.

  23. Oh, please. There is nothing wrong with you for going to Target to kill some time. In our family, we call it ‘dinking’. And my best friend and I will oftentimes do it together, with all of our collective four kids, for hours at a time. The kids are entertained, we get the shopping done, and we get to actually hang out and visit! Best. place. ever!!! I wish Target did gold cards like Starbucks though :o( Mine would be platinum if that were the case!

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