Warning: Pointless and somewhat anticlimactic post with extremely unflattering photos incoming.
So the kids and I just got back from a little place I like to call Hell (our local dollar store). We set out to take a short relaxing walk around the neighborhood since the weather is so lovely today and returned home an hour and a half later, sweaty and looking like we had just been caught in a wind tunnel. I have pictures as proof, but I’ll get to that later.
We stopped at Starbucks and got the kids a cake pop, to which I stared longingly after each slow, slobbery bite they took. Is that a sentence? I don’t even… whatever.
I almost remember what it was like to eat those. sob.
We walked over to the grocery store and bought some more apples for my juicing stuff. Maddie made friends with the cashier and Jack wore my sunglasses the whole time. Nothing too exciting.
THEN. The Dollar Tree. Now, I don’t have anything against dollar stores in general, but the one in our new neighborhood is, how do you say? Crackhead ridden. Something weird always happens when I’m in a dollar store and today was no exception.
First off, while I was looking at toilet bowl cleaner (it’s important, yo), an old man of the crackhead variety mowed me down while on his quest for popsicles. He rammed into me and I let out an actual squeal. He said something that sounded like, “whoopsie lady” and continued on to the refrigerator. While in line at the checkout, I saw him again and he gave me a flirty snaggle-toothed grin. Charming fellow.
In an effort to look busy and not make any more eye contact with Snaggles because it was quite unenjoyable, I took two steps to the left to look at sunflower seeds. I felt the woman behind me step up next to the stroller. I could smell her breath, she was so close. As soon as I turned to look at her with my “get outta my bubble” face, I noticed she was eyeballin my wallet. What the heck, man. I paid for my toilet bowl cleaner and some random princess wand Maddie just had to have and turned to run out the door. BUT I COULDN’T FIND IT. There were bunches and bunches of fake flowers as far as the eye could see, but NO DOOR. I finally found it hiding behind the blue “roses”, but g’lawd, those 10 seconds were terrifying. I thought I’d be locked in there forever with old Snaggles and Neck Breather.
The walk home took forever, but the kids were happy. It started getting windy and I could see Jack’s little tuft of hair blowing everywhere. Then he started barking and continued for the next 15 minutes until we were in the house. WHERE A BEE WAS WAITING FOR US. I shooed it out the door and started getting Jack ready for his nap when it APPEARED AGAIN. The stupid bee wouldn’t let up and it’s still hiding somewhere in here. I keep looking over my shoulder, all paranoid-like.
Anyway, all that to say, I took a picture after we walked in the door from The Dollar Tree/Snaggles/Wind Tunnel Adventure to show Justin how utterly beat up and sweaty I looked because he usually enjoys that.
That would be this photo:
Then I noticed the bee hovering 2 feet away from my face while snapping this one: