Jack: A man of steel and velvet

Nov
12th
2012

By now, you’re all familiar with my son, Jack. He’s 37 pounds of ¬†pure squish and has THE most serious expressions I’ve ever seen in a child.

He enjoys long wobbly walks on the playground, wearing tiny cowboy hats, pulling his sister’s hair and destroying my expensive lipstick. Don’t let his jowls of steel fool you… this guy has a soft side. It’s tough to capture on camera, but it’s there.

Now, look. I know he’s been known to dress up in his sister’s princess shoes on occasion…

… but you can clearly see he has a giant boy body with a giant boy head and a seriously giant boyish expression. There’s nothing dainty about this kid (except for that one pose, wow, slow down Honey Boo Boo Child). So, my question is, WHY DO ALL THE MIDDLE AGED ASIAN WOMEN IN AMERICA KEEP ASKING IF HE’S A GIRL?

Serious.

You know how it goes when you have a newborn. Some douchey stranger at the grocery store always guesses the wrong gender and makes you cry because you’re hormonal and your baby is new and perfect and beautiful and THE CENTER OF THE FRIGGIN UNIVERSE DANG IT. I remember I had Maddie in the stroller at the mall, pushing her around all proud mama bear-like and thinking everyone was looking at her because that’s just what new moms do. She was wearing A PINK BOW ON HER HEAD and some lady still asked how old my son was. Stab.

So yeah, I get that. Newborns are aliens and sometimes you just can’t tell. BUT JACK?? Am I missing something? No really, do I have my mom beer goggles on? Several times this year, an older asian woman has stopped us and said, “So cuuute!” And I’m like, “Well, thank you!” And then she cuts right to the chase and asks, “Boy or girl?” -_-

There are some things you just don’t ask a woman.

1) When are you due? It’s never polite, pregnant or not.

2) Is dinner ready yet? I will strangle you with these spaghetti noodles.

3). Boy or girl?¬†He has facial hair, so NO, he’s not a girl.

I mean, really. I try to be gracious and keep my sarcastic responses to a minimum, but it’s tough! Have you ever been there? And when will they stop asking? If Jack starts to understand, he can take matters into his own little squishy fists and that’d be fine with me. Not that I condone punching old women or anything. EXCEPT MAYBE I DO.

18 Comments Thus Far

  1. I simply love your blog! You are a very talented story teller and oh my gosh! SO friggin funny!!!!!
    I’m sorry about the crazy old Asian lady.
    Maybe she’s never had kids??? maybe? ….
    Well, I think as I’m sure all of your readers will agree, Jack is every inch a little man! He’s super cute and will be a total heart breaker.

    Please! Don’t ever stop blogging! Seriously!

  2. She was right when she said he’s cute! Maybe she’s going a little blind? Because he looks like a boy!

  3. I don’t know how anyone could think he is anything but all boy! I love Jack’s serious expression. It is so adorable!

  4. Jack is seriously, squishily, adorable. How he could be mistaken for a girl, or even questioned! is beyond me.

    Of course, I always run into the douchecanoe at the park who asks, after I’ve pointed out my THREE BOYS, ‘oh! Are they all boys?’ People are stupid.

  5. I’m not sure how they could mistake him for a girl… Instead of even asking why can’t they just say… SUCH a cutie!!! Let you say THANK YOU and be on their way??? I mean really. The F?

  6. I just happenned upon your site looking for easy felt flower patterns. You are adorable and hilarious! I grew up in Stockton and have family in Fresno. Good for you for being such a lively, creative force and blasting some life into The Valley! You have a great family, great ideas and are just the perfect Little Miss Priss! (Mrs. sounds so old).
    -Grammie Jennifer

  7. Is he wearing a bowtie? I can’t even. LOVE.

  8. He is so squishy (manly) cute! Too bad he hates me.

  9. He totally looks like a boy. I love his jowly cheek thingies. Adorable.

    Also – I hate the “What’s for supper” question too. Stabstabstab.

  10. I have three sons. My third son has really naturally curly hair. The curls were like Shirley Temple curls and he was truly adorable. He had bright blue eyes and petite features which really did not help. He looked like a Victorian doll.

    Me I loved every single curl. Him ? Not so much. By the time he was like 2 he was already self conscience about all of the comments he got. He now wears a buzz cut and wouldn’t have it any other way (he’s 9).

  11. This… to a T. Except for me, it’s “Oh, they’re so cute! Are they twins?”

    No, they’re more than TWO YEARS apart!

    “My, but they look so much alike!”

    Um… They’re BROTHERS! DUH!!!

    I’ve started using snarky remarks too… “Yep, they’re twins, I just give this one Miracle Grow in his Cheerios.” Or “Yes, they are… this one’s just the runt of the litter.”

    Oy.

  12. MeganB: MIRACLE GROW! Hahahahahaha

  13. I get this all the time. Always from the older asian ladies.

  14. HA HAHA! Love the questions you don’t ever ask a woman and I completely agree!!!
    My hubby learned the hard way NEVER to dare ask when dinner is ready…it’s the biggest NO-NO next to “So what’s for dinner?” when clearly, after a long day of housework, kids fighting, homework, spending 3 hours doing the grocery shopping and coming home to find the cat puked on the floor and then he wants to know whats for dinner?? “my shoe!” ha ha.
    By the way I used to get that a lot with my son too when he was still a baby. I always got asked ” boy or girl?” or “what a cute girl” when he was dressed from head to toy in blue and wearing a onesie that said “mama’s cute little BOY”. ha ha!!

  15. FACT: Jack is a man-boy. He has total boy-face. Other fact: He’s fabulous in those shoes. LOVE. HIM.

  16. Also? BOY HAIRCUT.

  17. that first picture of Jack in the princess shoes kills me. He is struttin it!

  18. They ask because old asian women themselves will have facial hair. Have you seen ‘Kill Bill’? Pai Mai? Old Asian woman.

    True story.

    Your son? Like mine, all boy. 100% nothing less than pure boy. There is no mistaking it. The bow tie is an adorable look, love it and I really wish my son would wear the one I made him. It’s home made dang it! Wear what mommy makes you once in a while!