I’m not big on putting touchy-feely posts on this blog, but every once in a while it just feels good to take a break from all the makeup and crafting and rage and just be real for a sec. Maybe that’s your cue to leave and go do something infinitely more fun like online shop. Or perhaps you’ll stick it out and this post will bore the crap out of you because there are no fun pictures JUST ALL THESE WORDS, GAH. Either way, you’re pooping or shopping and both are enjoyable/productive, so at least I could help with that!
This is about to get really kumbaya right now, but do you ever feel like your life is out of balance or you’re spreading yourself too thin? Um, hi, that’s me right this second. Shoot, that’s me every day. I have a really hard time with disorder. You’d be surprised by that if you could look at my house right now, but chaos and imperfections STRESS ME OUT. If there’s a sink full of dishes that need to be washed, I can’t relax and get physically jittery until they’re taken care of. Same goes with dirty floors, weeds taking over the yard, drops of spaghetti sauce on the stove. And obviously, I’m referring to this Hoarders-status pile of laundry at my feet, that is now so large that it has spilled out of this room and into the kitchen. Messes, disorder, chaos… it all gives me the pit sweats.
I’m not just talking about physical messes though, as annoying as they are. I can handle those with a little time and some Comet. The big thing I’m dealing with is trying to manage each area of my life and being okay with the imperfections. I struggle hard with this, I really do. There are so many tasks I want to accomplish in the day and when I don’t get it all done, I feel like I failed. That’s the main reason I’m not into making New Year Resolutions… it’s just another “thing” I will beat myself up over if it doesn’t get accomplished.
I want to be a great wife and mom, taking care of everyone’s needs. That’s a lot of responsibility on it’s own, but it’s my number one priority and I’m SO thankful I have the opportunity. (I don’t want any of my rantings to come across as me taking my amazing family for granted, ever.) I also want to keep a tidy home, stay in contact with my family and friends, make sure I get the kids outside to play and socialize, teach them something new, keep up with this blog and my Etsy shop, try to fit in a workout, look somewhat attractive by the time my husband gets home from work, make a healthy yet delicious dinner (always a challenge), spend some quality time with each family member before they go to bed, read my Bible and pray. Those are the basics and not even touching on the 800 dvr’d shows calling my name. Not too outrageous when you see it written down in front of you and consider the fact that I’m home all day and it’s MY JOB to do these things… but I STILL can’t manage to do it all. And like every other woman out there who struggles with this, I beat myself up over it.
So why am I sitting on the computer when all this stuff needs to be done around my home? Because I just needed to vent to my girlfriends. I can only dump so much of my drama on my husband before he goes crazy (and I think that point is rapidly approaching… sorry, honey). I know I’m not alone and that all women go through the feeling of being spread too thin or ‘not enough’ at some point. It’s not just a mom thing. It’s a human thing. And last time I checked, I’m definitely not a machine. I am just an imperfect woman who is doing her best. We all are.
It’s nice to shoot a little “blhasdfkajs;dlfkjasdklfjsdkja” out of my fingertips and send it off to the internet every once in a while. Thanks for sticking around. Bonus kumbaya hugs if you pooped AND read this post at the same time.