Mom guilt? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Jan
28th
2013

laundry

I’m not big on putting touchy-feely posts on this blog, but every once in a while it just feels good to take a break from all the makeup and crafting and rage and just be real for a sec. Maybe that’s your cue to leave and go do something infinitely more fun like online shop. Or perhaps you’ll stick it out and this post will bore the crap out of you because there are no fun pictures JUST ALL THESE WORDS, GAH. Either way, you’re pooping or shopping and both are enjoyable/productive, so at least I could help with that!

This is about to get really kumbaya right now, but do you ever feel like your life is out of balance or you’re spreading yourself too thin? Um, hi, that’s me right this second. Shoot, that’s me every day. I have a really hard time with disorder. You’d be surprised by that if you could look at my house right now, but chaos and imperfections STRESS ME OUT. If there’s a sink full of dishes that need to be washed, I can’t relax and get physically jittery until they’re taken care of. Same goes with dirty floors, weeds taking over the yard, drops of spaghetti sauce on the stove. And obviously, I’m referring to this Hoarders-status pile of laundry at my feet, that is now so large that it has spilled out of this room and into the kitchen. Messes, disorder, chaos… it all gives me the pit sweats.

I’m not just talking about physical messes though, as annoying as they are. I can handle those with a little time and some Comet. The big thing I’m dealing with is trying to manage each area of my life and being okay with the imperfections. I struggle hard with this, I really do. There are so many tasks I want to accomplish in the day and when I don’t get it all done, I feel like I failed. That’s the main reason I’m not into making New Year Resolutions… it’s just another “thing” I will beat myself up over if it doesn’t get accomplished. EMO MUCH?!

I want to be a great wife and mom, taking care of everyone’s needs. That’s a lot of responsibility on it’s own, but it’s my number one priority and I’m SO thankful I have the opportunity. (I don’t want any of my rantings to come across as me taking my amazing family for granted, ever.) I also want to keep a tidy home, stay in contact with my family and friends, make sure I get the kids outside to play and socialize, teach them something new, keep up with this blog and my Etsy shop, try to fit in a workout, look somewhat attractive by the time my husband gets home from work, make a healthy yet delicious dinner (always a challenge), spend some quality time with each family member before they go to bed, read my Bible and pray. Those are the basics and not even touching on the 800 dvr’d shows calling my name. Not too outrageous when you see it written down in front of you and consider the fact that I’m home all day and it’s MY JOB to do these things… but I STILL can’t manage to do it all. And like every other woman out there who struggles with this, I beat myself up over it.

So why am I sitting on the computer when all this stuff needs to be done around my home? Because I just needed to vent to my girlfriends. I can only dump so much of my drama on my husband before he goes crazy (and I think that point is rapidly approaching… sorry, honey). I know I’m not alone and that all women go through the feeling of being spread too thin or ‘not enough’ at some point. It’s not just a mom thing. It’s a human thing. And last time I checked, I’m definitely not a machine. I am just an imperfect woman who is doing her best. We all are.

It’s nice to shoot a little “blhasdfkajs;dlfkjasdklfjsdkja” out of my fingertips and send it off to the internet every once in a while. Thanks for sticking around. Bonus kumbaya hugs if you pooped AND read this post at the same time.

25 Comments Thus Far

  1. truly thank you for sharing this. I feel so worn out and I only have one little 7 month old at my finger tips! I am with you on venting. my laundry keeps staring at me and I am too afraid to look at it in the eye.

    happiness and energy sending your way! -NY

  2. Oh morgan. I complete understand this feeling. Just minus the kids and husband, replace those with two other part time jobs, planning a wedding without a coordinator, small groups etc. It’s crazy. I can imagine how much more insane it will get when my job is inside my home and requires me 24/7/365 yikes.
    But remember the country song…. If you know it, that talks about missing these days. These days truly are special. They will go by so quickly. Soak them up. Prayin for ya girlfriend.

  3. Girl, I totally feel you on this. I feel like I can only excel in one or two areas of my life at a time and the rest go to crap.

  4. Morgan, I am right there with you. I am a SAHM of three and it ALWAYS feels like there is never enough time to get everything done on my “list”. I would say I am a neat freak and that is a hard thing to keep up on in addition to my other million daily tasks. I just love your blog and think you are so funny and REAL! Keep it up :)

  5. I get you. Same here, just two time zones away. Oh, plus meat friendly house and chance for freezing rain. But same mom-stress-perfect life-trying here!

  6. You can always share with us. The good, the bad, the messy piles of laundry. I do not have the tidiest of homes. I try my best to keep it clean. You will have days when you can do all of the things that you want/need to do & days when you throw it all to the wind & just take the kids to the park & have some fun. Just remember that we don’t need to be perfect. We just have to have some fun while we are on this road called life. We will not judge you if you have a dirty dish. Try not to stress.

  7. i think you are JUST where God wants you to be…He wants us to know we CAN’T do it all on our own. He wants us completely dependent on Him at all times. The more we mature, the more we must become like little children, completely dependent on Him.

    if it makes you feel any better, i can totally relate and had to give up my perfectionistic tendencies. i am a recovering perfectionist. so much more joy when we can relax and enjoy life, despite it’s messiness.

    hang in there!

  8. This is so in line with how I’ve been feeling (always) and what I’ve been reading lately. I’ve been reading “No More Perfect Moms” by Jill Savage and I’m getting ready to go through “Desperate – Hope for moms who need to breathe” by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson. They are both about how we put too much pressure on ourselves as wives and moms and we need to accept that we cannot do it all all the time and just enjoy our imperfect life. Its not easy, but its worth a try! ;-) Thanks for sharing!

  9. COM-PLEEEETLY know what you’re going through right now. Absolutely 100%. I do not have kids, but I went through this from December – January. Overwhelmed, never getting on top of chores, duties, little things. I wasn’t relaxed. I flew home to my parents house for Christmas and did absolutely nothing but lay on the couch and watch tv. Didn’t even see old friends. So strange.

    Even then, I flew back and I still felt not myself. I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. But I seriously took a month off doing anything outside the house (didn’t workout, didn’t “shop”, didn’t socialize). All I did was stay home, cook and organize my place. I don’t know what happened but one week I just felt back to my old self. It was the strangest feeling having that 1 month of “weirdness”.

  10. Good comments from your friends. The piles of laundry will be there tomorrow and the next day and the next, if need be. It’s okay to dig through it to find a clean pair of underwear!! ;-) What makes happy and relaxed kids is a happy and relaxed mom. And I guarantee you that they’d rather have YOU, happy and relaxed, than a perfect house!
    XO

  11. I completely hear you and understand where you’re coming from Morgan. I’m a work at home mom with three teenage boys. So when my wonderfully, loving husband comes home and there’s a little mess or one of the boys didn’t do their chores, there are times that I feel like I’ve failed. It’s hard being a wife, mom and working (whether it’s at home or out of the home). I wouldn’t trade it though. I’ve had the opposite and funny thing is, all those things will still be there needing to be done.

  12. Yep, yep, mmhmm, aha, I gotcha. You know what you do when it all starts to get a bit much? Yeah, I’m gonna go there. You let all those balls drop, kiss the kids and man goodbye for a few hours and just go be YOU. Not mom, not wife, not juggler of a thousand household balls. Just YOU. Seriously, once a month I make myself go, and everyone is so much better for it! Do I feel guilty? Sometimes, but hey, daddy gets to do his own thing all the time right? Why not me?

  13. What if I just farted?
    ;)

    Very well said. I always feel like I can do so many things, but none of them well. I’m always spread a little too thin!

  14. Guurrlll. I feel you. Lately things have been overwhelming for me. I feel like I’m the only one that cares that the stovetop has burnt rings on it and the fridge hasn’t been cleaned out since I made raviloi’s three weeks ago and I guarantee they are moldy. Yes that was a huge sentence. What I meant was, we are all there. I guess it’s just how you choose to prioritize. It’s so hard to do when you are wired like us.
    On a totally separate unrelated note, I live in KY and I found you via Pinterest. I grew up in Fresno and just think it is such a small world.
    Thanks for the vent. I like long, rambling thoughts.

  15. hi. queen of being-behind-on-everything here. :)

    Sometimes I think our hardest job as moms/homemakers/wives/women is simply learning to let go. And then figuring out how to keep plugging away joyfully in the midst of the chaos!
    Ever since Bennett has been born, I’ve realised that in a whole new way. My house will NEVER be as clean as I want it, or as organized, or as pretty, or insert-what-ever-nice-adjective here as someone else’s might be, I will never have time for EVERYTHING I think/feel/wish I could or should do…. it’s just life. That’s all there is to it. And then sometimes you’ll think you’re getting on top of things, and BAM something will happen like all four of your kids getting sick at the same time and then well, there goes any chance at all of staying caught up on anything for any length of time. lol.
    But like Davi said, I really am becoming ok with that. I’ve learned to depend on God in a whole new way, I’ve learned to lean on His grace in a deeper fashion, and I’ve come to a new thankfulness for this work I get to do, even when it feels like I can’t handle it anymore. That’s when I know I’m strong in Him, and that He definitely will help me do what I NEED to do, since it’s the job He gave to me in the first place. Also? Tomorrow is always a new day. Always. Thank the Lord. :)

    I love you and think you’re amazing, and I know you’re doing a marvelous job, whether your laundry is folded or not. And as you can see from all these wonderful comments, you are not alone in feeling this way. We’re all in the boat with you. :)

  16. Oh mama you know I know how you are feeling right now! There is strength in numbers right? It’s good to know you’re not alone? Well, obviously this blog is just a fraction of life but you are winning, for real, and feeling a little overwhelmed is just part of the game I think. At least that is what I tell myself. If we don’t feel a little overwhelmed, frazzled, frustrated, well, we must not be doing something right ;) . You just keep on and know that I don’t think a single reader of this blog skipped this post. We all blog and read for the connections and this is part of it. *hugs*

  17. Morgan you are definetly not alone, I am not a mother or a wife but I totally understand what you are saying 110% times 10!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!

  18. Such a good post. You probably voiced what just about every mom feels! It IS hard trying to do it all and still be a great mom, wife, friend, daughter, aunt, sister in law, great aunty’s niece….etc etc. As a mom we have so many roles to fulfill. In fact, I have this sign in my kitchen that says “Welcome to Mum’s 24 hour bed and breakfast-tutor, taxi service, laundry, caterer, cook, guidance counselor. Home-cooked meals sit-down and take-away. Recognition and other gifts not necessary but great appreciated.”
    Sums it all up really!
    Keep going Morgan! Just you saying what you did proves you ARE already doing a great job.
    I learned already that it is OKAY to have piles of laundry waiting to be done, or unmade bed. I do try everyday to keep the house clean and tidy. Clean comes first and tidy comes second. (can live with a bit of untidiness but my prior perfectionist insists on cleanliness!).
    The washing, ironing, dishes are always there and will always there. Just prioritize each day and you will be amazed how much you get done through the week!
    big hugs!

  19. I think you just about summed it up for all us mom/wives. I cannot relax until the house is clean-or at least tidy. I’ve worked so hard to get some kind of routine, and it worked…until the dreaded vomiting virus hit the house. All it took was one week to put me back in a tizzy. Then again, all the work and effort to keep it clean through the week, vs. spending a few hours one day to do it all…it’s a toss up. But I’m OCD and I just can’t function without biting someone’s head off if the house is cluttered.
    Feeling your pain!

  20. Oh honey, do I ever know what you’re talking about. That’s been me for the past six years.

    Have you ever heard of Hannah Keeley? I found her work a while back, but I just kind of passively watched the show. I joined her 30 Day Decluttering Power Purge back on the 14th, and that’s been a help. Along with that, I found her 7 Day Stress Cure series on YouTube. It’s only been two and a half weeks, but some of the things she touched on, especially not making your list of stuff to do each day more than seven items long, have had a profound effect on how things run here. And when things are chugging along, not perfect by any means, but working, it makes a huge difference in how you feel.

  21. I also hear ya- so much so that I was seeing a counselor because I felt like I was failing as a SAHM. It was super helpful to put everything into perspective. I also saw this piece floating around Facebook awhile back, and found it so freeing ;) Worth a read if you haven’t already!

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-morrison/motherhood_b_2271349.html

    Take care funny lady!

  22. This is me FO’ REAL! I think what counts is the fact that we TRY. We have to accept that we are not perfect and that things will not always (if ever) be perfect. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! :)

  23. I don’t have kids but I do have a crazy life and I understand what you mean about not being able to handle imperfections because I’m the same way. It’s torture to people like me and you to see all these messes laying around that we just can’t clean up at this moment. Daaarrrrghhh!!!

    Carving out time to go hang out with a girlfriend (who has a crazy life too and who understands) helps me a lot. It’s hard to make time for it but it’s SUPER worth it.

    Anyway, you’re great and your blog is great! Keep being real :)

  24. *Virtual fist bump* I now take Fridays off of work to get things done around the house (aka shopping, laundry, organizing, projects…). Guess what I learned? That sense of accomplishment of all clean laundry & picked up rooms feels awesome for about two seconds and then you realize how lame you are. Bor-ing!

    Grocery shopping without a 2 year old in tow has to be the next best thing to a spa appointment though :)