The Beast

Dec
20th
2013

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You know that scene in The Sandlot where they’re having a camp out and telling the scary story? At one point, they’ve reached complete unity in their understanding of this foul creature, and simultaneously they all eerily whisper, “THE BEAST.”

That.

I’ve used this special cart before and I guess it was like childbirth, in that I completely forgot how painful and grotesque the experience actually was. “Sure, kids! Hop on!” says I, Cool Mom. I mean, I could have carried a handheld basket because I really only had to buy like 2 things, but oh please. Too simple!

Pushing this over the yellow bumps of death at the entrance was enough to leave me gasping for air. I had to take a breather at the Dollar Spot. From there, it continued to spiral down into a pit of despair. Despair and surprisingly, laughter. This thing is like, 9 feet long, and with the Christmas crowd out and about, it took extreme caution on my part not to run over everyone in my path! I kept busting up laughing because turning corners was just ridiculous. I have no other words to describe it. And I was getting stuck on racks of clothing and and and… the list goes on, my friends.

The best part of the experience was noticing who gave a turd about my misfortune and who didn’t even mind. I think I ran over about 9 toes and no one got annoyed. I had a few moms laugh along with me, nodding their heads in sympathy, but my favorite was an older Asian man in the canned food aisle. We were at one end and he turned and began walking toward us. I was already trying my hardest to move the cart to the right side to make enough room for him. As he got closer, he started laughing and smiling with THE most sincere expression I’ve ever seen. It was the sweetest thing. He’s like, “That looks like a tough one!” chuckle chuckle. I bet he’d make a good grandpa. I kind of wanted to hug him. He might have called security at that point, but yeah.

Anyway, this thing? Funny, but never again. I brought it up on Facebook and all my friends chimed in with their own stories. Everyone knows the legend of The Beast.

 

5 Comments Thus Far

  1. my kids LOVE that kind of shopping cart! thankfully my target only has one and its never at the front so i can blame the fact that im not gonna push it on someone else!

  2. My boys adore that stupid thing. Which is just another reason why I avoid going to Target with them. It’s like a Chinese Fire Drill every dang time I stop!

  3. bahaha

  4. Dear Lord. I tried that thing once with my 20 month old son. He refused to sit in a regular cart – not in the kiddie seat portion of it, not in the basket portion. So I figured hey, this thing looks cool, maybe he’ll think it’s awesome and sit still. No. So not only am I trying with all my might to get this thing to turn corners, or even just GO IN A STRAIGHT LINE, but I’m also looking like a complete moron because I’ve only got one little toddler sitting in it (I take that back – not sitting – trying with all his might to slide out of the belt while screaming WALK! WALK! and crying). That’s it. Not like I’m battling 2+ kids during shopping and this is the only way to contain them. Never. Again.

  5. Yes! Ha! My kids always ask for “the double cart” when we arrive at Target. Stephen loved that thing and they know I refuse to push if. I have no hope of controlling it at 5’2″