Archive for the "Me Being a Mom" Category
May
09th
2012
What is this strange electronic contraption sitting before me? A what? A comp– compute–OH! Hold up. I think I remember something about these things. Just gimme a second to crawl out of this dark cave I’ve been living in for the past several weeks, peel these yoga pants off and shave my pits.
It’s been a while, internet.
So I know that no one likes to hear “Sorry, I’ve just been SO busy lately!” under any circumstance, but it seems to make people especially stabby when it’s coming from a stay at home mom. I can recognize why that would be extremely annoying. Like, Morgan, we all know you’re just sitting on the couch playing Scramble with Friends and drinking your almond milk while your kids are beating each other over the head with pink pool noodles. So shuttup.
That just happened, actually…
(Never mind the classy bachelor lamp in the corner that my husband has owned since about 1998.)
*whiny voice* But guuuuuuysssss. I have just been SOOO busy lately.
I know you’re making the Michael-hates-Toby face at me right now. Stabs are welcome.
OKAY WOW. This post is already all over the place. I knew this was going to happen.
So back to the ‘busy’ thing. A few weeks ago, I decided to take a break from the internet to spend more quality time with my kids. It’s called Mommy Guilt and I seem to catch a giant case of it nearly every time I sit down at the computer while my kids are awake. I can’t help it. I feel like I’m neglecting them and it’s just not a great feeling to be… feeling. I know I have an online “life” to keep up with, but sometimes it’s really awesome to step away for a while. So these periods of silence on Mrs. Priss, Facebook, Twitter and email… that’s me off trying to be a better mom. I’ll find that balance eventually, but for now, it’s all my little stressed out brain can handle.
Other than trying to keep these two crazy kids entertained and this house clean (I sense you judging me by that photo above), I’ve been exercising like a mofo. Every night when Maddie and Jack go to bed, Justin and I clear out the living room and prepare to get all sweaty. Don’t be a perv. We’re in our 3rd week of this brutal, fetal-position-inducing workout program called Insanity.
I’m aiming to look something like that big black guy in the middle. Nbd. I think I’d wear that look well.
ANYWHO, what’s new with youuuu? Anyone want to shave my legs for me? I can pay you in sweaty hugs. Aaaand that’s my cue to stop writing.
Categories: Me Being a Mom Personal
Apr
11th
2012
Warning: Pointless and somewhat anticlimactic post with extremely unflattering photos incoming.
So the kids and I just got back from a little place I like to call Hell (our local dollar store). We set out to take a short relaxing walk around the neighborhood since the weather is so lovely today and returned home an hour and a half later, sweaty and looking like we had just been caught in a wind tunnel. I have pictures as proof, but I’ll get to that later.
We stopped at Starbucks and got the kids a cake pop, to which I stared longingly after each slow, slobbery bite they took. Is that a sentence? I don’t even… whatever.
I almost remember what it was like to eat those. sob.
We walked over to the grocery store and bought some more apples for my juicing stuff. Maddie made friends with the cashier and Jack wore my sunglasses the whole time. Nothing too exciting.
THEN. The Dollar Tree. Now, I don’t have anything against dollar stores in general, but the one in our new neighborhood is, how do you say? Crackhead ridden. Something weird always happens when I’m in a dollar store and today was no exception.
First off, while I was looking at toilet bowl cleaner (it’s important, yo), an old man of the crackhead variety mowed me down while on his quest for popsicles. He rammed into me and I let out an actual squeal. He said something that sounded like, “whoopsie lady” and continued on to the refrigerator. While in line at the checkout, I saw him again and he gave me a flirty snaggle-toothed grin. Charming fellow.
In an effort to look busy and not make any more eye contact with Snaggles because it was quite unenjoyable, I took two steps to the left to look at sunflower seeds. I felt the woman behind me step up next to the stroller. I could smell her breath, she was so close. As soon as I turned to look at her with my “get outta my bubble” face, I noticed she was eyeballin my wallet. What the heck, man. I paid for my toilet bowl cleaner and some random princess wand Maddie just had to have and turned to run out the door. BUT I COULDN’T FIND IT. There were bunches and bunches of fake flowers as far as the eye could see, but NO DOOR. I finally found it hiding behind the blue “roses”, but g’lawd, those 10 seconds were terrifying. I thought I’d be locked in there forever with old Snaggles and Neck Breather.
The walk home took forever, but the kids were happy. It started getting windy and I could see Jack’s little tuft of hair blowing everywhere. Then he started barking and continued for the next 15 minutes until we were in the house. WHERE A BEE WAS WAITING FOR US. I shooed it out the door and started getting Jack ready for his nap when it APPEARED AGAIN. The stupid bee wouldn’t let up and it’s still hiding somewhere in here. I keep looking over my shoulder, all paranoid-like.
Anyway, all that to say, I took a picture after we walked in the door from The Dollar Tree/Snaggles/Wind Tunnel Adventure to show Justin how utterly beat up and sweaty I looked because he usually enjoys that.
That would be this photo:
Then I noticed the bee hovering 2 feet away from my face while snapping this one:
That’s all.
Categories: Me Being a Mom Personal
Mar
21st
2012
HEY, internet people who hijack photos of my children and pretend they are your own: QUIT IT. I mean, honestly. The fact that I’m even writing this right now boggles my mind, but apparently some people need it spelled out for them.
For example, decent human beings do not take a post I wrote about my daughter’s terrifying visit to the hospital and turn it into an entire blog devoted to a sick child named Madeline who is dying from a heart defect AND USE ACTUAL PHOTOS OF MY KID. How freaking demented is that?! I can’t. I just can’t.
Also, to the girls who are using my pregnant belly photos as their own… by chopping off my head, you are not fooling me. I recognize my own badonk and so do my friends on Facebook who email me links to your fake profile and blog.
Now to the rest of you: Hi! I love you. Thank you for not being creepy weirdos. I appreciate that very much and you get props for being normal.
I hope none of this sounds self-important. I wouldn’t care so much if it were just photos of me being used, but do NOT mess with my kids. That crosses the line and I have every right to be angry. I won’t be giving credit to any of these women because they don’t deserve it. I will however be installing a panic room in my closet because HELLO. People are scary.
Categories: Me Being a Mom Personal
Feb
24th
2012
Well, my baby boy is a year old today. There’s not much to say other than he needs to stoppit right now.
Happy Birthday to our sweet, silly, chunky Jack. We love you!
Now please excuse me while I go creepily stare at him while he sleeps.
Categories: Me Being a Mom Personal
Feb
16th
2012
These are a few of the things my three year old has said lately that have cracked us up. I’m not sure if these are actually funny or that I just die laughing because she’s starting to act a lot like Justin and I, but here you go.
Keep in mind, she watches a lot of Disney movies. I think that may be the inspiration behind some of the silly thoughts.
–
While I was baking, she came up and stuck her finger in the powder ingredients. “I Pochahontas-ed it.” (poked)
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Me: Maddie, go back to bed. This is nap time.
Maddie: Okay, Your Highness.
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Maddie: Who’s my father?
Justin: I am.
Maddie: Who’s my other father?
–
Came up to me while I had facial hair remover cream on my lip. (WE ALL HAVE FUZZY GIRLSTACHES, SHUT IT.) Politely giggled as if she was very amused with my antics and said, “Whatcha got there?”
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Frequently says, “Yes, Stepmother” if I ask her to do something chore-like.
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Me: Time to go inside! It’s getting too hot out here.
Maddie: I don’t want to!! (fit throwing, screaming, refusing, etc.)
5 minutes later…
Me: Get inside right now before I drag you in!
Maddie: A DRAGON!?! AHHHHHH! (runs inside immediately)
–
Drawings of her family:
“Mommy, that’s you and your coffee.”
“That’s me and Daddy.” Looks like a scene from Signs.
“Mommy and Jack. *giggles* He has a big head. And that’s a spider. *growls* SMASH IT.”
Categories: Me Being a Mom
