Update: A few friends and I have started tagging our photos on Instagram that fall #outsidethecrop. Take a look at what others are posting and if you’d like, include your own. :)
I posted this earlier today on Instagram with this caption:
Was going to share some of my drugstore beauty buys for fall and then saw dead Spiderman and all the lovely power cords in the distance. Just a reminder of who I really am outside the crop box. #momlife
I immediately thought, “Dang, I need to write about this!” I realized how often I’ve posted very strategically cropped, staged, planned photos and pretended they were my real life. I think we’re all guilty of it in some shape or form. Raise your hand if you pause to grab “the cute mug” and make sure there are no chips in your nail polish before snapping a shot of you drinking your morning coffee. I get it! We all like pretty things and it’s inspiring to see that type of stuff. I mean, how boring would life be without cute nail polish? Uh, VERY. But I started thinking about myself and the whysbehind my perfectly planned shots. Why am I painting this picture of myself? Why did I force my kid to smile and stand still? Why do I care about the spacing between my new lipsticks? I’m telling ya, it got pretty deep in my brain parts for a few seconds there.
I’m not the first one to talk about how Instagram/Facebook/the internet is a place to pretend (oh how I love some of those Instagram parody videos). There’s a reason the crop box exists. We can pick and choose what to reveal to the world in that tiny square and that’s totally okay. It’s YOUR life, after all. If that photo above had a pair of my underwear crumpled up the background, you best believe I would leave that out. Or like, a dirty diaper or body hair or something. That’s a no. Too real. I’m just realizing that for me and what I put out for the world (or my 10 friends) to see, I do like showing the whole, real picture sometimes. I think it’s important to show that my house is messy and my kids can be complete brats and I have a double chin if I don’t tilt my head a certain way and some days I totally mess up when I’m filling in my eyebrows and other days, they look fantastic. That’s LIFE, man. And we’re all living it imperfectly.
I have a friend who jokes with me when she comes over to my house. She’ll say, “Did you frantically mop the floor before I got here?” because she knows me. I have struggled with that ‘perfection’ thing my whole life. Did you know I took gymnastics as a kid? No? That’s because it was ONE class and I never talk about it. I sat there and watched the older girls who had been going for years, doing flips and all this circus craziness and I couldn’t even walk a straight line because I was so uncoordinated. I ran out of there crying to my mom and told her I never wanted to go back. Why? Because I didn’t even want to try if I wasn’t going to do it perfectly on the first shot and I didn’t want to fail in front of everyone. Issues, much? As my Grammy would say, “IT’S A CLUE!”
I’m so thankful that I have friends and family who know the real me and love me anyway. I’ve played pretend and strived for perfection for too long. Newsflash: It’s unattainable. I’m the one with the dirty kitchen floor who hates to mop and I won’t freak out if you drop by my house unannounced before I get a chance to clean… anymore. I will make you wait outside until I hide my underwear though, because that’s just sick.
A few months ago, the girls in my family went on our annual shopping trip to San Francisco. We always have such a great time with each other and it’s become this fun little tradition for us, so this year I decided to take Maddie along. She was a surprising delight. No meltdowns at all! She had a great time with the “big girls” and was in her own corner of heaven at the Sanrio store.
On the way there, we stopped off at a gas station and she picked out a snack… Sour Patch Kids.
I was thrilled with her choice because 1) I love Sour Patch Kids and 2) I was probably going to devour most have a few of them. But they were technically hers, so I made a quiet vow to myself to definitely not hide them in my purse “for safe keeping” in hopes she’d forget about them so I could sneak a few here and there without her noticing. Because 1) this has happened a lot in the past and 2) did I mention I really really love Sour Patch Kids? A very specific vow because I know my weaknesses, people.
Long story short, I broke my vow and literally took candy from a baby. BUT, it was all in the name of saving my child from harm. Sugar… HELLO? Totally valid. In fact, I would argue that I am a good mom because of this. I actually wouldn’t mind a little award of some sort. Or a trophy. Mother of the Year. PRESIDENT, even! I’ll call my health plan Morganacare.
A month passed without a word. I thought I had gotten away with it. But as we were driving in the car one day, something triggered a memory in Maddie’s smart kiddie brain and she said, “Hey mom… what happened to my candy we bought in San Francisco?” I was like, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Play it off, Morgan. I acted like I didn’t know what she was talking about. Eyes straight ahead. Don’t let her see you tremble.
But she must have sensed the guilt. ”Did you eat them all up!?”
“Yes, honey, but umm, that was a long time ago. They’ve been gone a long time. Sooo, umm, next time we’re at the store we can get some more.” Take away all my awards. IMPEACH HER! IMPEACH HER!
All that to say this: Yesterday, as she was drawing some pictures, she brought one up to me. Keep in mind, we haven’t spoken a word about the SPK incident in weeks.
I asked her what the picture meant.
“That’s you. And that’s the candy in your hand that you always take from me. You always eat my candy. That’s what you do. Say sorry for yourself, please.”
I’ve stared at this picture for hours, analyzing it’s deeper meaning. Why do I look like a baby? Why do I have crazy eyes? Are my legs broken? Is that a knife??? WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?
I think the next step is obvious: Buy more next time.
While I was out running errands, I received a text from Justin.
Maddie just did the entire Insanity warm up!
Apparently, she came out of her room, dressed to workout.
(Please take note of the Wonder Woman tattoo, headband and leg warmers.)
Then she asked Justin to “put on the exercise that Mommy does.” Do you know what that little routine happens to be?
She did the whole 10 minute warm up! It’s hilarious to me, but I’m honestly not surprised. This girl is my little buddy and loves to join me whenever she sees me working out. Her form could definitely use some work, but not bad for a 4 year old. ;)
Approximately 9,000 of my dearest friends are pregnant, like no exaggeration here. Okayyy, slight exaggeration (I really only have 8,000 close friends). And I keep having these dreams where I didn’t know I was pregnant and I just thought it was gas and then I pull a newborn out of my shirt and it has a full head of styled hair and a 30 year old man’s face. Lots of totally normal dreams like that.
Sometimes I try to rock Jack to sleep and he gets all cuddly with me and tells me he loves me in his cute, half-English/half-caveman language and it’s awesome. Then I see the situation for what it really is and realize it looks like I am singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider to Tyrion Lannister while he sits on my lap and it’s just weirds me out a little that I’m pretending he’s still a tiny baby.
Not that rocking a two year old to sleep is all that weird and I knowww, two is NOT old, but he’s gargantuan and can talk and everything now and I just catch myself thinking he’s still really young. Sometimes he’ll even go a few days without taking his poop out of his diaper and trying to hand it to me. He’s just growing up so fast, you guys!
(I wish that was a joke. Justin’s mom said when he was Jack’s age, he walked up to her, said, “here, Mom” and handed her a big giant turd and she totally wasn’t expecting it and she screamed. I thought that story was absolutely hilarious until Jack started pulling that crap on me — sorry, pun was necessary — and now I just want to cry/barf/send him to the zoo to live with the chimps.)
Wow, so I was totally leading up to saying how badly I have baby fever and that Justin and I are in the discussion phase of having another baby, but that last thing I wrote? I’M CURED! It’s a miracle!
I’ll host a drawing for anyone who can name the three pop culture references in this post. One is totes obvs. The winner can babysit Jack. Hope you have hand sanitizer!
Update: Hi friends! As of 9/13/13, I am taking a step back from my business. It was an awesome experience and I still stand by the products, it’s just not a part of my journey right now. If anyone has any questions about It Works products, I am happy to refer you to a few of my sweet and trusted friends in the business. They will help you out in any way you need. xo
Alright, my friends. The time has come. I have been a busy little bee over here, but have kept it pretty quiet on this blog. Anyone notice my fancy little badge on the right side of this page? Some of you know about my new business and have already joined in the awesomeness through my Facebook group. For the rest of you, get ready. I’m about to get ALL up in yo face.
For the past three months, I’ve been an It Works Global Distributor… a fancy name for “one of those girls on Facebook selling those crazy wrap things”. I know that if you spend any time on Facebook whatsoever, you will have noticed a slew of your friends and family joining the ranks and selling these amazing products. You can’t really avoid it… we are everywhere and doing our best to annoy the crap out of everyone with our before/after photos! Kidding, but I do know we are taking over the internet right now. It’s just because we’re so dang excited about sharing a product that actually does what it promises. The business is growing and there is such a HUGE financial opportunity for each one of us, not to mention the fact that THESE THINGS ACTUALLY WORK.
So let’s back up to December. A good friend of mine invited me to her house for a “wrap party”. She claimed that in 45 minutes of wearing this magical wrap, I would see and feel a major difference in my stomach. If you would have told me that the wrap I was about to wear was going to change my body, so much so that I would start selling the things, I would have laughed right in your face and went on my merry way. I am not a salesperson… you guys know me. It’s just not in my blood. And to be totally honest, I didn’t expect the wrap to work on me at all, let alone have the results last. I was already eating pretty well and exercising regularly… I thought that if there was any change in my body, it would’ve already happened from those things.
I went for it though… at that party, I let the girl put this cloth on my belly, wrap me in saran wrap and I waited for 45 minutes. When the wrap came off and she measured me again, I couldn’t argue. I was smaller and saw definition. It really lived up to the hype.
That friend who hosted the party that night? The wrap worked on her too and she became a Distributor. A month later, I joined her team. She is now making a nice couple EXTRA thousand dollars each month, in addition to her full time job and just earned a $10,000 bonus for getting there so quickly. Uhhh, YEAH. That’s not even the best part… BODIES BE CHANGIN’,YO.
Here are my personal results from using just ONE wrap on my stomach…
(total time elapsed: three weeks)
Between the first and the third photo, I became a Distributor. I couldn’t wait to start showing my friends and family how awesome these wraps are and how they truly do work. By the way, during that time, I didn’t exercise or change my eating habits at all. I wanted to give it a true shot, you know? I wasn’t about to start selling something I didn’t truly believe in. That’s not who I am.
Hey, fellow skeptics! Here’s what you want to see…
The most common question I get is: Is it just water weight?
No! The wraps are detoxifying and you see progressive results over the following 72 hours. Those toxins that have been building up in your body over time (through drinking alcohol, taking medication, caffeine, artificial sweeteners) begin to flush out as you drink water (and drink and drink and drink). As your body begins ridding itself of the crap, your fat cells shrink down (those toxins aren’t in there anymore!), causing your tummy (or thighs, or butt, or arms…) to smooth out, flatten, tighten and tone up. It’s not a hoax, I promise you. My stomach looks the same now as it did in January when I took that third photo.
For the sake of keeping this as short and sweet as possible, I’m going to wrap this up. (HA, I GOT PUNZ.) I have a huge collection of before and afters, testimonials from people I know personally, and SO much more of my personal story to tell. If you’re interested in knowing more about trying a wrap, how to get a box of 4 wraps for only $59, or are interested in info on becoming a Distributor like me, let me know in the comments. I won’t be doing another post like this except to show my next round of personal before and after photos, so this is your chance to ask away! :)
A 27 year old mother to the silliest little girl and the funniest man-child in the world. Wife to the most handsome geek. Jesus is my BFF. Thankful to be a stay-at-home-mom. Trying my best to keep it real.