Ignorance is Bliss.

This is me leaving our wedding over a year and a half ago. Had Justin known that just a few hours later, I would be on a full-blown mission to procreate, he may have re-evaluated this whole marriage thing. I kid. I’m pretty sure he knew what he was getting himself into… Somewhat.

I have always loved babies — they are the sweetest, best-smelling little things — and as soon as Justin and I were married I began having visions of us with our own little ones (they were mighty cute in those visions, I must say. They’re coming from some pretty good genes, apparently.)

Anyway, as much as I wanted a baby of my own, the desire to be a cute pregnant lady was almost as strong. I remember the countless conversations with Stephanie, discussing the importance of continuing to wear high heels throughout pregnancy… I still strongly believe in this, by the way. See, I had this preconception about pregnant women. At the time, they seemed like the 2.0 versions of themselves with their glowing skin, thick hair, cute clothes… I absolutely couldn’t wait to experience all of that and be equally as adorable!

Let’s fast forward to Spring, 2008. I’m pregnant everybody! Yay! Any day now, I’m going to have that enviable pregnancy glow, Victoria’s Secret model-status luxurious hair, be prancing about town in my 4″ stilettos, and showing off my sweet baby bump. Uhhh, wrong. Yes, being pregnant is wonderful and exciting and the thought of a little life growing inside of me is enough to make me want to cry at times… but I am definitely NOT the Morgan 2.0 I had always envisioned. Here’s a little glimpse into a day of this little pregnant lady’s life…

Morning

Stumble out of bed after restless night’s sleep… managed to make it through another 8 hours of tossing and turning due to the most irritating form of cold/hot flashes I’ve ever experienced. Make up your mind, body! Do you want the three layers of blankets, or the tank top and panties? Frustrating, let me tell you. Not to mention the 17 trips to the bathroom to pee (I don’t remember drinking 50 gallons of water, thank you), where it takes on average, 3 full minutes to empty my bladder because it dribbles out SO FREAKING SLOWLY. TMI? Should I have given a disclaimer before trapping you into reading this? Well, I’m about to go into an in-depth anatomy discussion, so the weak have been warned.

Hop in the shower, take a look at my not-so-flat stomach and realize I can no longer see it as easily as I was once able to. I have these … things in the way. Since when do you blow up 2 full cup sizes in a month? Seriously. It wouldn’t be so bad if the thought of their post-deflation state wasn’t so terrifying… I have a feeling these babies have hit their peak and are on a downhill slope from here on out. This saddens me… I’m too young to sag!

Look in the mirror to see thin, limp, lackluster hair and a brand new patch of broken-out skin (topping off the lovely albino-ness that is consuming my face, since I haven’t allowed myself to tan since finding out).

Outfit choosing time… my favorite! Let’s see which of my tops makes me look least like a stuffed sausage. The one that I used to use as a lounge-around shirt because it was so big and comfortable? Fatty, for the win!

Breakfast… eww. May barf at the mere sight of eggs. Off to work.

Lunch

Four hours, a dead co-worker (don’t mess with me, man), and exactly 83 trips to the bathroom later, the craving for Mexican food sets in. YES, I can eat! … Uh, nevermind. Apparently the toilet enjoys burritos as well.

Evening

Feeling good, feeling good. Was able to consume a cherry Slurpee, 5000 calories worth of salt and vinegar chips and Subway sandwich in one sitting without puking it up. Woman of steel, right here. A little Office, LOST, reading up on what variety of fruit my baby compares to today and I’m off to bed. And the cycle repeats.

I’m such a Debbie Downer, right? Gotta love these hormones. Well, at least from the ankles down I look stylish.

12 Weeks

What better way to celebrate the 3 month mark than to buy yourself a pair of stretchy maternity pants? These things don’t even have a zipper… they’re basically pregnant lady pull-ups. I’m just keepin’ it classy.

I figure my bump is about 90% gas, 10% baby at this point, but it’s far better to walk around in these puppies than suffocate my uterus. I actually don’t think I could have handled it for another minute, anyway.

I feel legit. :)

P.S. Could I have made a more hideous face?  I think not.

Note to Justin: I realize I’ve spent about $23,000 this week, but these were on sale. When you have a full-on Lemon Baby in your stomach, come back and tell me that I don’t need these. J/K, I love you.

On the Menu Today…

Breakfast

  • Pesto Bagel with cream cheese
  • Fruit by the Foot
  • Raspberry Lollipop (to ease the morning sickness)
  • Giant glass of lemonade

Lunch

  • 2 Packages of Easy Mac
  • enough Goldfish to feed a gaggle of toddlers for a week
  • an italian cream soda (I hunted this thing down on my lunch… the craving set in around 10am and wasn’t giving up!)

Yep, I’m treatin’ this baby right… by paving the way for obesity!

I’m slightly confused by the random food cravings. At certain parts of the day, it’s all I can do not to sneak out of the office and go buy a fatty bean and cheese burrito from the mexican restaurant next door, and other times all I want is lemonade.

For those of you who have been pregnant, what have your freakish cravings been? Have you actually ever wanted pickles and ice cream? Have the rest of you ever witnessed a pregnant friend’s crazy eating habits? Help me feel normal here. :)