I’m not going to get into the ethical side of veganism because frankly, that’s not why I do this. I’m in it more for the health benefits and because bottom line: it makes me feel great. Not that I condone the killing of innocent animals, but you know, most people eat them and will continue to do so forever and ever. I’m not going to change that by getting all preachy and up in everyone’s face.

ANYWAY. I’m always nervous about talking about personal stuff on here which is absolutely ridiculous because this is a personal blog. Soooooooo now that you know I’m not going to shake my head and tsk, tsk you if you eat a burger, I’ll move on.

On May 1st of this year, my grandparents, parents and I started a strict 6 week eating plan called Eat to Live. We read the book and followed the guidelines and recipes to a T. Eat to Live is something you do when you want to ‘reset’ your health… at least that’s the way I looked at it. The info is backed up by all sorts of science-y evidence-y things and I liked that. I appreciated knowing that I wasn’t going to shrivel up and die in my salad plate because OMG WHERE’S THE PROTEIN!? (don’t worry, I still get pleeeenty of it). The changes we all saw in ourselves were pretty freaking crazy. For one, we ALL lost weight. Between the 5 of us, we lost about 100 pounds. My grandpa lost 14 pounds THE FIRST WEEK ALONE… what a bad ass! In addition to the weight loss, we all had positive changes in our skin, energy levels, cholesterol and overall health. Side note: I’m normally an Aleve popper. I took them for my bad cramps and headaches and just sort of felt like they were the only thing that was ever going to help. During Eat to Live, I didn’t need those stupid things and it felt awesome. I still got my normal period cramps, but they were much more tolerable. I was taking in more water and my headaches decreased. Other little aches and pains just weren’t there anymore. In seeing how simple this way of eating could be and how quickly it can reverse health and weight problems, my mind was made up that I was going to stick with it after the six weeks were up.

So from there, I gradually brought back some of the things that eating plan didn’t allow (small amounts of oil and salt and some more of the ‘healthy fats’ like avocados) and I continued eating mostly plants from there on out. And when I say ‘plants’, I’m not talking JUST salads. I would go insane and no doubt off myself with something large and pointy if I just ate salads all day. There are tons of awesome vegan recipes out there and I don’t feel limited or deprived of flavor or fullness at all, which still surprises me. I expected to be bored out of my mind and I just couldn’t even imagine what you could possibly cook that wouldn’t allow meat or dairy. After all, DAIRY WAS MY LIFE… you all know this. I lived on cheesy pastas and dips and practically bathed in cheese while I was pregnant with Jack. For people like me with an affinity for cheesy goodness, there are still dairy-free options if you’re in a chips and dip sorta mood. There are also some bomb diggity desserts. Vegan junk food, oh yes. It’s some of the best stuff out there. Not that it’s good for you just because it’s labeled “vegan” or that you should eat those kinds of things all the time, but it’s nice to have the option. It makes you feel like less of a hippy.

So far, I’ve lost almost 50 pounds and I… I feel so aliiiiiiive. For the very first time. (P.O.D.? Anyone? I know I’m not the only one who listened to them back in the day when it was too embarrassing to admit it). I think the key to this diet and the reason I haven’t fallen off the wagon is that I don’t think of it as a diet. I don’t get obsessed and stress about it. I’m pretty strict with myself, but I don’t make myself miserable. I aim to eat mostly plants and other whole foods — that’s it. If I go to a birthday party and they’re serving my favorite flavor of cake, I’ll let myself eat a small slice, but I just don’t consider myself a  failure at that point. That slice of cake was just a treat and I don’t have to quit everything and go eat a gallon of ice cream because I deviated from the diet (which is what I used to do). That’s pretty true of most healthy eating plans I think and that’s where most of us go wrong. Amy put it best in one of her health/fitness posts on her blog, Just a Titch:

Don’t label food good or bad. I think it’s easy to make food very black and white, or “good and bad.” If I label something bad and then choose to eat it, it’s very easy for me to go down the rabbit hole of “I’m a bad person” and get down on myself. Instead, I try to think of food as a choice. However, as I preach to my students, choices have consequences, and in this case, those consequences show up on the scale or in feeling icky when I exercise. Thinking of it that way makes me much more likely to make a healthier choice.

Which brings me back to why I do this — it makes me feel great. I don’t want to shove this vegan thing down anyone’s throat or get preachy, which I’ve found to happen very easily and sometimes without me even realizing it. You tend to talk about things you’re excited about or something you’ve had success with, but with that eagerness to share your experience, you can easily start acting superior. THAT is what I’ve feared most. But now I’ve written this scary post and it actually wasn’t that bad. Bring on any comments or questions, just please don’t punch me in my soy-loving face or I might ugly-cry.

P.S. My favorite vegan recipe blog of the moment: The Vegan Stoner. The author makes these cutesy drawings of all the ingredients in the recipe and it’s just plain fun.

Like, this post. I intend on putting up before and after weight loss pictures, but does anyone really want to read about that? Or will I come across as braggy and self-absorbed? Shouldn’t I be occupied with raising my kids rather than worrying about my looks? I’m going through with showing you the photos, but I’m just saying… it’s hard for me not to feel weird about it. You’d think that by how I speak so openly about pretty much everything that goes on in my life that I’d be all comfortable with putting up a few pictures, but yeah. I’m kind of shy right now. And awkward. Aaaand I’m shutting up now.

So yes, my weight. I gained a whopping 50 pounds and a full-on butt shelf during my pregnancy with Jack. That was no big surprise, seeing as how I ate nothing but crap the entire time. I went from a size 4 to a size 14. YEAH.

THAT’S A LOTTA BUTT.

Now, I completely expected for that weight to melt off like it did after I had Madeline. With her, I was nursing, running myself ragged, depressed, and back at the office in 5 1/2 weeks. The atmosphere wasn’t quite as relaxed back then. I’ll save my breastfeeding experience for another post, but let’s just say that nursing Jack didn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped. I was, however, in very high spirits (for which I am extremely thankful), but also pretty high in calories. After giving birth and losing a whole 9 pounds (she says sarcastically), I stayed at that same exact weight for almost two months. NOT OKAY.

Enter Zumba. And the radical change in my eating habits. And the effort I started making to actually get my butt shelf off the couch and go DO something. (Granted, I was spending money and arguing with my toddler over gas medicine in the aisles of Target, but still. I was off the couch!)

For the first time in my life, I made exercise a priority. Let me be very straight with you all here: I DO NOT LIKE TO SWEAT. If sweat had a face, I would punch it. During the time period where that 7 week photo was taken, I was the annoying skinny girl who came to the gym 2 times a week, took an hour long class, and skipped outta there with makeup still perfectly in place. For some reason, having a second kid has sent me into my own little sweaty hell over here. I don’t get it. I walk out of the gym looking like a mentally unstable swamp creature.

Anyway, after 3 months of watching what I eat and working out 4-5 times a week, I am so happy to say I’ve lost 40 pounds. My body is so different than it’s ever been and far from perfect (thanks, babies), but I’m not that upset about it. I’m just proud of myself for doing this the right way for once.

March 2011, chowing down with full force.

July 2011, taken at the same restaurant.

I’m also currently doing The 30 Day Shred, so when I’m finished I will show the full body changes. For now, you get my face. :)

Edited to add:

It’s been brought to my attention that some of the things I’ve expressed about my body changes and weight gain have come across pretty harsh. I just want to apologize and clarify: I do NOT think a size 14 woman is gross, unhealthy, or unattractive. No way, no how. I never intended to single anyone out when I said what I did, so I’m sorry, ladies.

For me, though? Gaining 50 pounds in such a short period of time made me jump 5 sizes and THAT made ME feel unhealthy. Curves are beautiful, I think women with big booties are fabulous, and I’ll just leave it at that. xoxo

La dee da… rinsing off some greens…

HOLY MOTHER!

No. I don’t do caterpillars.

Where are the potato chips?

Nor am I wearing my hair in a long braid and clomping around in Jesus sandals. I’m just eating better and regulating my poo factory. nbd.

I’ll discuss all this in more detail later on, but for now I just had to tell you that I’m actually having fun! Not eating cheese makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and cry a little because it’s my favorite thing in the world, but my body really is thanking me for it. It’s a whole new way of thinking/cooking and it’s sort of forced me to be more creative in the kitchen, which I love.

Like, today I was all, “Justin, I think I’m going to attempt ratatouille at some point this week. Adventurous, yes?” And he goes, “Like with a mouse?”

He’s not exactly on board, but then again, HIS stomach doesn’t go all Hindenburg every time he looks at dairy.

Peace, love, and soy milk.

Zumba is crazy. I joined a class back in 2009 and almost immediately went down 2 sizes. I seriously don’t think I had been that skinny since I was about four years old. If you haven’t tried it yet, do so immediately, but be warned: white girl dancing skills are really put to the test. It’s a combination of hip hop and Latin with some kick boxing and belly dancing thrown in there, so a healthy amount of booty shaking is definitely involved. You WILL feel stupid at first, but that’s just part of it. Soon enough though, you’ll start feeling legit and like you could be doing the Put a Ring on It dance at weddings and such. The great thing about it is that no matter how little rhythm you have, you still burn calories like a beast.

Now I will be shutting off my infomercial voice so I can tell you about my current class. I joined a new gym and have been taking the Zumba class for the past few weeks with my friend Tara. We sort of hide out in the back of the room so we can shoot looks at each other when that one older lady busts out her jingly belly dancing skirt and have no one judge us for it (she seriously thinks she’s Shakira, it’s hilarious). It’s like our high school physics class all over again, just replace the nice teacher who gave us extra credit and let us eat candy in class with a Ricky Martin/devil hybrid.

Our devil instructor is a guy, which is a new thing for me. I have to be honest… he scares me a mighty bit. I like women teachers because they don’t have wieners. They don’t check out your butt when they’re pretending to ‘evaluate your form’, they don’t make you bounce around too much because they understand how it can be painful in two very specific regions, and if they think your moves could use some work, they are sensitive to your feelings and don’t point out your flaws publicly. This guy on the other hand, makes us bounce constantly. Also, he will stand in front of you and shake his head if you’re not performing to your full potential. He will remain in that spot until you acknowledge him and begin to shimmyshake with more purpose. Basically he shames you in front of the whole class, but with lots of Latino flair and a smile. He’s only done it to me once during my very first class and I was so afraid of making eye contact with him so he stayed there for like 3 days. Ever since then I make sure to really put the effort into those moves so he’ll stay up at the front by Shakira where he belongs.

The other day I was dancing away and I was finally starting to feel a bit of my old skinny, sassy self returning. Remember how I told you that happens? Well Rule #1 to Zumba is DON’T lose yourself in the music. I know Eminem tells you to in 8 Mile, but just don’t. I made this fatal mistake that day when a good song came on and didn’t realize that I had shimmied and bounced my nursing pads right out the top of my bra. They peered out the top of my tank top and said hi to the whole class for who knows how long. Thankfully the devil was busy embarrassing some other poor girl at the time so he didn’t notice and start shaking his head at me. It was his fault they popped out anyway because of all the bouncing!

Didn’t I start this post by telling you the benefits of Zumba? My bad. It really is fun, trust me… just wear a good bra and leave your nursing pads and shame at home.

Justin: That girl has has stub arms.

Me: That’s mean! But she sort of does. Her butt is cute though… unlike my pancake. *sobs*

Justin: hrrmmfphmm…

Me: What was that?

Justin: …

Me: Umm, are you agreeing with me? I know what that silence means! You’re supposed to tell me I have a cute butt no matter state it’s in! I tell you you’re cute even though you crunch your cereal too loud and eat spaghetti like Maddie does… this is part of your job!

Justin: I like pancakes.

Me: *dagger eyes*

Justin: What? We weren’t talking about food?

No, I’m serious. If you Google it ahead of time as I did, you will die laughing, but it really is the best workout I’ve ever had and such a ball. It’s kind of a mix of salsa, belly dancing, and kickboxing set to catchy music, and when done for an hour you’re supposed to burn somewhere around 700 calories. Crazy, right?

On Friday night, Natali and I attended a benefit for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society, where close to 100 of us danced for about 2 hours. For someone who hasn’t done much working out since… well, EVER, I was dying. But according to Nat’s weight watcher calculations, we burned about 1,200 calories, so I will definitely say the soreness and pools of sweat were worth it!

All our crazy/awesome instructors, with miss Rosa in the center.

I’ve been left some of the sweetest comments lately. Things like, I don’t know how you do it all! or You’re so skinny! and Where do you find the time? You guys are so good to me.

Well, would you like to know the answer? The one thing that will make the weight fall off without you even stepping foot in the gym? The reward you get for trying to ‘do it all’ with a smile on your face? Let me let you in on a little secret of mine.

It’s called stress.

I haven’t written a post in a week, and it’s not because I’m out of ideas.  I think everything has just finally caught up to me. The pressures of work and life and money and everything in between is definitely taking it’s toll. And the way I deal with it is by completely shutting down.

Right now, Justin is attending a work-related seminar while Madeline and I are home. I just put her to bed, sat down on the couch and enjoyed a very rare few minutes of silence.  In those moments I was finally able to sit still and try to sort through all the madness.

You know what I realized? I am not superwoman, but as much as I want to follow that up with the cliché and that’s okay!, I just can’t.

Imperfection has never been an easy thing for me to accept, especially when it comes to my family and home. I want so badly to be able to do it all. To have a successful-enough side business to be able to quit my job and work at home with Madeline. To have just one free evening to go grocery shopping (which, by the way, I haven’t done in over a month). To actually COOK a real meal for my husband instead of picking up whatever is on the way home. To be able to say no sometimes and not feel guilty about it.

As sweet as you guys can be, you’re really not seeing the real picture here. You are my inspiration. I really don’t know how you do it!  To the ones who wake up early to exercise, write a post every day, keep the laundry caught up and cook dinner every single night… you win. Bonus points for you gals that still nurse your babies because, HOLY HELL I would be dying right now if I was still trying to fit that in on top of everything else.

Right now, I am so far from having it all together, it’s not even funny. Just wanted to be honest about that.

Those are all wonderful reasons to breastfeed, don’t get me wrong. But seriously — after all my boobs have endured over the past 3 months, I deserve a little something right?

Well holy size 8′s, Batman! It’s paying off.

Obnoxious bragging incoming…

Somehow I managed to lose almost 45 pounds! And I ate 3 cupcakes last night, I’m not even lying. That means I’m a little under 10 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. HALLELUJAH.

And while I’m at it, let me just say that Madeline has now been sleeping through the night (10 hours straight) for the past two months. Sleep deprived mothers, you may curse and shake angry fists at me now.

I am so blessed.

But still I say, Mama needs a new pair of boobs. And that’s not changing anytime soon.

So, this is me, two minutes ago:

Quick. Think of another lame cop-out post. Preferably one incorporating a low-quality bathroom cell phone picture where you look ridiculously emo…

That’s the ticket!

P.S. This is me bragging: Those pants are an 8. WIN!