Sep
02nd
2010
Okay, I’m getting seriously lazy with these posts because I’m actually 2 days away from being 15 weeks. And yes, I felt the need to tell you all that because the entire time you’re pregnant all you really care about is being farther ahead of where you are and you want the world to know that HEY, I’m really 5 days farther along than what the title of this post says and I realize it seems like a petty & insignificant detail, but I LIVED through those 5 days of constipation and grief so it makes a difference, DANG IT!
It’s an actual baby belly now & not just gas. I REJOICE!
This week I downgraded from Gold Level Throw Up Queen to a content state of Gagging While Brushing Teeth. It’s the little things, people.
Also, I’m going to a wedding this weekend and I’m currently on the hunt for an outfit that doesn’t make me look like I did at the wedding I attended two weeks ago. Which was basically a WHALE with flip flops and smeared eyeliner.
Horrendous, I know. I’d like to go for something a little less frumpy this time, and that requires me to find a cute dress today on my lunch break. Wish me luck!
Tags: 14 weeks pregnant belly photo pregnancy wedding outfit Categories: Me Being Pregnant Me Being a Mom Personal Pregnancy #2
Aug
12th
2010
First things first. A few weeks back I wrote a post about angry pregnant women wanting to kill you. A little harsh. I think I may have angered some pregnant women and also terrified the rest of you in the process. I PROMISE on my shoe collection that I will never harm a hair on your pretty little heads if you say anything about my baby/pregnancy/gas belly (because again, we know that all it really is at this point). It was all in fun, but I still want to say I’m sorry to the nice pregnant ladies and to everyone else who may be hiding from me under their couches at this very moment. xo
Now let’s get to business.
I have an ultrasound today and there’s a possibility I may see a penis nub. You know how much this concerns me. Still, I’m really excited about being able to see the baby again because last time I was only able to get 2 ultrasounds the entire pregnancy and it was really disappointing. Pregnant ladies love their ultrasounds. It’s true.
Symptoms this week:
- More barfing. Actually, I should be clear about this… it’s not actual throwing up and more like just a chronic case of the dry heaves, which I fully believe was something conjured up by an evil witch doctor who lives in the swamps. There’s no satisfaction of a job well done or even a flush! Just a lot of disturbing sounds coming out of your mouth.
- Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad skin.
- Ravenous hunger and odd cravings. Most people know I’m weird about my meats. Like, I basically only eat white meat chicken after it’s been dissected and I know for sure it has nothing questionable in it. I found a vein once and… let’s just not discuss my reaction. Anyway, I’ve been craving roast beef. I DON’T DO BEEF.
- Sexy dreams involving ugly actors I am in no way attracted to in a conscious state. I’ve been debating on whether to take you all there and I’m not quite sure I (or my family who reads my blog) would be all that comfortable with it, so for now I’ll just leave it to your imagination. (Skeet Ulrich. JUST NO.)
- I love you, Justin.
Tags: 11 weeks pregnant cravings pregnancy skeet ulrich is not my cup of tea symptoms Categories: Me Being Pregnant Personal Pregnancy #2
Aug
06th
2010
Okay, I’ll be 11 weeks tomorrow, but I have been majorly slacking off with my posts (and life in general) these past few weeks. I am SO looking forward to feeling better soon, not puking at the sight of meats and cheeses.
So is everyone still okay with me posting my blurry, ghetto, bathroom belly shots? Because I DO own an actual camera and am happy to pose awkwardly in front of my apartment for all my neighbors to watch and ridicule. But it’s whatever the people want!
Anyway. The baby, as my friend Kristy so eloquently worded it, is a life-sucking leach. BUT! It’s a life-sucking leach without a tail and with actual, non-webbed fingers now! AWWW.
Also, I watched The Business of Being born last week during a slow time at work. It was really interesting, but may I please advise that you DON’T DO THIS AT WORK. I never expected to see that many dark brown Milkdud nipples that early in the morning and I’m not sure I’ve fully recovered.
Tags: 10 weeks pregnant belly photo business of being born pregnancy Categories: Me Being Pregnant Personal Pregnancy #2
Jul
28th
2010
HEY! Read this first.
Now that I am pregnant again, I feel free to say that expectant mothers are some of the most difficult people on the planet. I was the first time around and I am starting to see the signs again. There are a few happy-sparkle-rainbow moms that don’t fit into this category (though, I’ve only met one or two), but usually we are pretty hard to please. It’s not ALL our fault though!
Let me explain…
You’ve heard over and over how you are NEVER, under any circumstances, supposed to comment on a pregnant woman’s size/weight/shape. Even though the commenter may be well-meaning, pregnant ladies are hardly ever okay with what is said.
Example 1:
Well-meaning person: Wow, you’re really showing!
Pregnant lady: Bitch just called me fat.
(Pregnant women think in cuss words, whether they say it or not. Didn’t you know? We’re pretty hostile.)
Example 2:
Well-meaning person: You’re carrying reaaaally wide! Must be a girl!
Pregnant lady: And you must be carrying three.
(Way harsh, Tai.)
Example 3:
Well-meaning person: You’re glowing!
Pregnant lady: RUDE! She just pointed out how sweaty I am!
Example 4:
Well-meaning person: YOU’RE DRINKING COFFEE/HAVING A HOME BIRTH/EATING SUGAR/WEARING HIGH HEELS!? DON’T YOU KNOW YOU’RE KILLING YOUR BABY!?! LET ME PUSH ALL MY BELIEFS ON YOU EVEN THOUGH I’VE NEVER HAD A KID OF MY OWN & SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF YOU IN THE PROCESS!
Pregnant lady: (We usually just cry at this point.)
My point is, we’re really touchy. To the people who mean no harm and are only trying to say how cute we look, I’m really sorry. These hormonies make us sort of out of control, but we really can’t help it.
To be safe, you can always just tell us we look pretty. Ladies always want to look pretty, whether we have a bowling ball belly or not. If you stray from my advice, I am not responsible for what happens to you at the hand of that pregnant person.
You’re in that girl’s territory now.
Tags: anger issues don't say this to a pregnant woman pregnancy Categories: Me Being Pregnant Personal Pregnancy #2
Jul
12th
2010
I apologize for the lack of posting lately. It seems as though blueberry sized babies have the freakish ability to suck every last ounce of energy from your bloated little body, leaving you on the brink of falling asleep at any given moment. And don’t even test me right now because I already took 3 naps while writing this paragraph.
New this week: I HATE CHICKEN! AND CHEESE! AND SALSA! AND EVERYTHING I LOVED 3 DAYS AGO.
And I am bloated. Like, really bloated. See this picture?
99% gas, 1% baby. It’s gross, really. I could totally double as a life raft with all the air that I have in there.
I would also like to take a moment to salute the women who are able to keep their pregnancy under wraps until the 12th week because HOLY CRAP, complaining about my symptoms to everyone who makes eye contact is the only thing getting me through right now. You women are my heroes.
Tags: 7 weeks pregnant pregnancy Categories: Me Being Pregnant Personal Pregnancy #2
