The Public Restroom Experience

Public restrooms are my own personal hell. It seems that every time I use one something filthy, loud, or just plain weird scars me and makes my next visit that much more terrifying.  I never seem to be let off the hook when using one, either. I’m actually starting to think there’s someone planting these scenarios and cracking up at me in some hidden one-way mirrored room somewhere.

In all my public restroom quests, I have found the most frustrating experience to be starting a new roll of toilet paper. Why can’t Mr. Janitor just be a doll and tear it apart for us when he adds the new roll?

And to those huge plastic covers: I shake my bloodied fist at you. They serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever, except to keep you from retrieving a decent sized chunk of paper and practically maiming you in the process. They force you to spin and spin and spin the gigantic roll from the tiny opening at the bottom until you think you’ve found the loose end… but then you grab, pull and one long skinny piece starts unraveling.

What the heck am I supposed to do with this?

So your public restroom experience is prolonged even further, frustrated panting, grunts and banging are heard from your stall as you struggle to pry your hand free of the plastic cage, and the poor innocent person beside you is scarred for life.

It’s a vicious circle, I’m telling you.

8 thoughts on “The Public Restroom Experience

  1. vicious circle is what it is. I happen to work in a building that doens’t have a bathroom. I have to go into another one, to use the toilet. The School Board, filled with “clean” teachers (my ass!). I get so disgusted when I hear violent bathroom trips and I get to peak out the side of the stall only to see that they DID NOT WASH THEIR HANDS. That’s a huge huge huge no-no for me. I think other people have noticed too, because now there’s a poster up showing us all how to wash our hands, just like back in Kindergarden. It’s so ridiculous that it’s gotten to that point.

    Also. Why even put two rolls in those plastic cover things? When one is empty, I can NEVER get to that second roll, and god help me because I will never ask the person in the next stall to give me a piece of theirs. That’s way too weird.

    Oh public bathrooms are so stressful.

  2. MORGAN!

    I was on the toilet today thinking the EXACT same thing! I mean, I know I should feel happy that when the roll runs out there are 3 new ones to choose from, but goodness, the effort it takes… Turn the knob, reach for the outer paper of the roll (odd angle), Rip the outer paper off and then try to get the roll going neatly without half of it winding up in shreds on the floor. The agony.

    Am I the only one afraid of the sometimes overly loud flushing of some public toilets? Those have scared me forever.

  3. omg this post made me laugh out freaking loud LOL
    This line is what started the laughter (that stop until approx 45sec after I finished the post)

    ” Why can’t Mr. Janitor just be a doll and tear it apart for us when he adds the new roll?”

    LMAO! seriously tho, c’mon mr. janitor, be a doll!!

    sheesh, i hate public restrooms.

  4. I made peace with the public restroom when I was pregnant. :)

    My favorite thing now (sarcasm) is changing Ms. B in them — she gets so quiet and waits politely to be changed that I think she realizes the horror of public restrooms at an early age. :P

  5. Oy. Nancy, I can’t believe you don’t have a bathroom in your building – that’s horrible!

    I wish more public restrooms would have the automatic plastic seat coverings (a la some airports)

  6. i ALWAYS carry kleenex with me, so i don’t have to touch the roll of toilet paper–you know they say the toilet water sprays up to 6 ft everytime someone flushes and gets fecal colonies everywhere? none of my friends care about that but me. they think i am a nut. and i never sit on the seat either. too scary. and i carry hand sanitizer so i don’t have to touch the sinks either. ok, maybe i am a nut:)

    ps. i think i may have commented once before–friend of talia’s.

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