Things I didn’t realize before I had a kid

  • The power of cheerios. Those things can keep a kid quiet and entertained for as long as the supply in your diaper bag lasts.
  • Sleeping in? BAHAHAHAHA… oh, that’s a good one.
  • From the moment you become a parent you automatically possess the ability to stumble out of bed at 3am and change a crying baby’s dirty diaper at a speed so lightning fast, sometimes you can’t even remember doing it the next morning.
  • Carrots, sweet potatoes and peaches will turn your baby’s nose orange.
  • How packing a diaper bag every day gets really, really old, but it eventually becomes one of those things you can do in your sleep.
  • It isn’t possible to be both lazy and a good parent.
  • Censoring bad words is an art, and one that takes quite a long time to master.
  • Your tolerance for people who waste your time will EVAPORATE.
  • You will get pooped on and somehow still want to kiss the person who did it.

17 thoughts on “Things I didn’t realize before I had a kid

  1. “You will get pooped on and somehow still want to kiss the person who did it.” HAHA! Oh how I agree. My baby is the only person in the ENTIRE world who can burp, spit up, pee and poop on me, who I will still pick up and kiss too pieces! :) I never thought there would be such a person.

  2. Oh I can’t wait till Levi is old enough to be able to sit in his car seat facing forward. He’s big enough, but I’m trying to hold out until he reaches 1 year. My patience is wearing thin though.

  3. Dont forget all of this goes for the dads too! However in my case censoring myself was and still is the hardest part and I have 3 kids 6yrs old, 4 yrs old and 3 yrs old.

  4. This is completely and utterly true. Especially the pooped on and peed on part. AND the not remembering you got up in the middle of the night thing. hehehe!!!! You are so funny, I love it. And I’m seriously not trying to be the car seat police, so you can just tell me to shaddup (hehe)… but actually they are supposed to be backwards until age 1. My kids hated it… and so did I. Bleh. Genevieve is still in her infant seat, but we’re going to get her a big one soon and just keep it backwards facing until her birthday. She’s seriously outgrowing the infant carrier.

  5. So funny! Especially the last one… definitely something only your own offspring can get away with and still be thought of fondly.

  6. @Kourtni: I know, I’m horrible… but Maddie was getting too flipping huge! I’ve already been scolded. :)

  7. Is it pathetic of me that the sleep issues really are the main deterrent I have? The thought of never getting to sleep in again.. totally freaks me out.

  8. @Steph: No, not at all. If I were to do it over again (and plan this time), I would have allotted at least 5 more years’ worth of sleeping in. I miss it sooo much.

  9. I hope you will seriously reconsider facing your precious cargo forward. The recommendation has actually changed and you are supposed to face them backwards until they are two. It would be so sad to have something catastrophic happen that was completely preventable.

  10. LOL!!! the last one made me laugh out loud! love it.
    The best day of my life was when Isaiah got old enough to wake up, know to NOT wake me, turn on the tv & work the sattelite remote. I swear angels sang that day ;)
    Now if I just trusted him to pour his own cereal and milk…
    Just one more kid to school in the ways of not waking mama and i’m on my back to sleeping in til 10 am baby!

  11. I have another one to add: After a day 98% filled with crying, you’re still able to gush to your husband about the part where she giggled hysterically. :-)

  12. I thought of another one… unless you are really diligent about counter acting it, your hands will constantly smell like baby wipes.

  13. I can’t wait to sleep in again. Ahhhh. Coop sleeps until 7:30, but I am talking like 10ish!
    I am trying hard with the language sensoring. I have already decided he will call his man parts ziggots. Nice, huh?

  14. hehehehe… all SO true. Gosh, I love you. :)

    but seriously, isn’t it amazing that even with all these crazy things, like the poop and the pee and the being sleep-deprived, you can still say that being a mommy is something you would never, ever give up?? There is no other job like it.

Comments are closed.