The Following Took Place Between 7:00AM and 7:00PM

Yesterday I took the day off work and stayed home with my sick baby. For those of you who aren’t aware, being a Stay at Home Mom has been a major goal of mine for quite some time… and a job I apparently knew NOTHING about until I actually stayed in my home, chasing around my child for a full day.

I’m not quite sure I have what it takes…

7:00 AM: Awakened from peaceful slumber by screaming child pounding on bedroom wall

7:02 AM: Pumping adrenaline and slight annoyance melt away with the sweetness of morning baby cuddles

7:03AM: *Socks me in face, slides off lap, runs away in search of food*

7:04-9:30AM: Cocktail of Yo Gabba Gabba, goldfish crackers, and that one singing teapot toy that tells you to “always say please and thank you” on repeat leaves me in coma on couch while baby continues to bounce off walls

10:00AM: “Seriously, kid? You’re supposed to be sick.”

10:01AM: *hackhackcoughcough-ORANGE GOLDFISH BARF-smear-hands-in-puke-and-grind-into-carpet*

10:02AM: Nap time.


10:45AM: Mom comes over with vanilla soy latte in hand and saves day

12:00PM: Still in hideous plaid pajama bottoms. Don’t care. Eat mint chocolate chip ice cream. Baby senses food being consumed by another human being and wakes up. Summons me with screams.

12:15PM: Prepare nutritious meal for baby. Baby gives look of disgust and refuses to eat because meal is NOT MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP ICE CREAM and she will not be taken for a fool. Throws nutritious meal on freshly cleaned floor. Says “Uh-oh!” cheerfully. Mocks me to my face.

12:15-2:00PM: Repeat morning’s coma-inducing activities. Eye twitches a little.

2:05PM: Google “Jack Bauer” and set giant image of Kiefer Sutherland wielding a gun as desktop background. Giggle to self. Realize I am odd.

2:05-3:00PM: Play with baby, eat nachos, clean some more.

3:00PM: Nap time #2.

3:30PM: Am bored. Video chat with Justin while he’s at work.

3:32PM: Clip hair back and ask if I look like a boy. Justin says yes. Almost cry because it’s sort of true. Take hair down.

3:35PM: Justin says I look at myself on the web cam too much. I get up and disappear into the other room.

3:38PM: Return with unibrow and soul patch drawn on my face with eyeliner. Justin says I’m too distracting and weird. Stops responding to me and gets back to work.

5:00PM: Baby wakes up with screams and pounding fists on walls.

5:30PM: Draw eyeliner mustache on baby.

5:40PM: Welcome Daddy home.

6:00PM: Attempt to do dishes while baby reaches into dishwasher for knives and forks. Give baby goldfish crackers as distraction. Seemingly works wonders.

6:15PM: Find pile of crushed goldfish crackers on the floor in corner of living room.

6:30PM: Give baby a bath. Pretty sure she peed in the tub.

6:45-7:00PM: Attempt to rock wee one to sleep. Get headbutted in nose. Give up and lay baby in crib with teddy bear. Still absolutely in love with baby.

37 thoughts on “The Following Took Place Between 7:00AM and 7:00PM

  1. one little teapot ready for some tea, two little cups one for you and me! three tasty treats, just enough to share, shaped like a circle, triangle and square.

    yes, i stay at home.

  2. HAHAHAHA…. welcome to my world. ;)

    seriously though… so hilarious. Especially you chatting with Justin. HILARIOUS.

    reading this makes me want to do a breakdown of my day and see how it’s actually spent. Although I don’t think I could achieve the same humor that you have, it might be entertaining. Or at least it would make me feel better about the many things that I DON’T do. right?? :)

  3. Ok you are my entertainment!!!

    Let me say…I never wanted to stay home. I had moments of missing my babies like mad. But you know my story…God had other plans :)

    In the beginning I hated it. But once you get your groove…Im talking a few weeks (which I thought I would be a rockstar and do it in one day) it works. And you get to enjoy them, make your house a home, cook things you NEVER had time to do. You have your crazy moments…but then the day is over and its all worth it.


  4. OMG If I lived near you I would’ve totally come over with more coffee and I’d baby sit too. You sound hilarious. I’ve been through those days. Head bashing is the worst. lol

  5. What a day! Sounds like a sick day with my son…although he refuses to nap so you would have to cut those parts out. And all the uneaten food is fed to the dog.

  6. This is hilarious. eExt time, you need to take a picture of Maddie with the mustache drawn on her for posting on the internets. Also! I can’t wait until Maddie is a mom and you get to come over at noon with a soy latte (and possibly the above mentioned picture), briefly save the day, and then leave her to struggle for another 7 hours! MUAHAHA.

  7. Oh man, you are hilarious, Morgan. What a day! I don’t know if I would have lasted an hour. Maybe that’s why I have no plans for baby-making in the near or far off future.

    I commend you. *bows*
    *remembers she’s a girl*

  8. So after all that are you happy to be a working mom? I think I have to be a working mom – for financial reasons and “not going crazy” reasons, someday. Or at least live reallllly close to my sisters so as to help each other not go too crazy (and pawn our kids off on each other when we need to.)

  9. Just randomly clicked on your link after seeing a post on Harper’s Happenings. This is quite possibly one of the funniest things I have read in a while. Damn you bloggers… how are ALL of you funny? But seriously. Shit. Total hilarity. Especially 12:15pm and 6:15pm.

  10. I just have to say I’m pretty jealous of the amount of sleep she gets… two naps and in bed by 7pm? We get one nap if we’re lucky and she won’t go to sleep until 8 or 8:30pm.

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