Our neighbor’s tree is the bane of my existence. The huge branches block our satellite signal and the apartment manager is a B and won’t let us put the satellite on the roof. This is why babies cry and why I am a bitter mess.
Because of that tree, I am unable to get my fill of oh, EVERY TV SHOW IN THE UNIVERSE including Jersey Shore and this upsets me greatly because for a while I felt completely left out and uncool and had to Google “GTL” so I could at least pretend like I knew what was going on. For the record, I still don’t understand and am saddened by that fact. Please inform me.
Blahblahblah, long story short, I hate that tree with all my being. There have been nights where everyone was on Twitter, being all cute/annoying with their happy tweets and talking about who won American Idol and that crazy thing that happened on that last episode of Dexter, BEFORE I had a chance to watch it. It’s nights like those where I want to hop the fence with a machete and go all ninja warrior on those branches (Do ninjas even use machetes? Oh well, you get my point.) But I only have kitchen shears and nail clippers as weapons and those won’t do the trick, obv. :,(
“But Morgan,” you ask, “how is it then, that you claim to be schooled in all the hotness that is Jack and Sawyer and Dexter and Eric and the brothers from Vampire Diaries if you can’t watch TV?” Firstly, how dare you question me. Go sit in the corner. But thank you for asking, and you can come back now. The answer, my friends, is in downloading, courtesy of my amazeballs husband (thank you for that one, MODG). I know, it hurts my conscience a little too. Also, it totally doesn’t and I am full of lies. I need my shows and will not apologize for breaking laws because I’m sort of badass like that.
LONGEST POST EVER, but this is important so read it:
When I answered my phone as I was walking into work this morning, Justin had some news for me.
Justin: He trimmed the tree.
Me: He did!?!? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
That was our conversation. And I proceeded to squeal with a smidge too much excitement while standing amongst my coworkers and sort of embarrassed myself. It’s like the scruffy lumberjack in the sky has smiled down upon me in all his axe-swinging glory, offering this humble servant the manna that is MTV.
And my life can now go on (for at least another 6 months until the limbs grow back & I’m all angryfists again).