Dove Promises, brought to you by Satan

My friend Natali was just telling me how Dove Promises are addicting and the devil and ruined her life last weekend. I hadn’t eaten any in years, so I sort of forgot the dangers of ripping open a bag. Dangers, as in YOU CAN’T STOP EATING THEM. Seriously. I’ve sucked down like 20 since I started writing this post.

Anyway, just now I was laying on the couch being totally healthy and productive in my pajamas, while watching What Not to Wear and eating copious amounts of of junk food because it’s been that kind of weekend. I happened to glance down at my “Promise” wrapper which read, Kick a bad habit for today.

First of all, what kind of “Promise” mocks you to your face? Enlighten me please. Is that what chocolate has come to, these days? It tricks you by being incredibly delicious, then it says to you, “Oh yeah, AND you shouldn’t be eating chocolate today. Get off your lazy pancake butt and go do something productive.” What a sneaky little B.

This is chocolate, people. It’s not about productivity, it’s about enjoyment. And fatness. We’re not kicking any bad habits except the habit of reading your crap Promises, Dove Devil.

And for the record, I just can’t say I have any bad habits that need kicking…

None at all.

20 thoughts on “Dove Promises, brought to you by Satan

  1. Do you not remember the Dove chocolate addiction I had in high school. Oh and after Shelbs reaction to the sour punch bites we were a little afraid to eat more. Haha. Oh and that bag of dove was hard to get open I had to attack it to get it open.

  2. oh my gosh! frosted animal crackers (or are they called cookies, they should be) are my crack! they’re SO good! i’d trade my kidney for a bag of them RIGHT NOW!!

  3. i can’t even BUY those damn little dove chocolates because i justify myself eating 200 of them because they’re “small and cute”. :(

    my promise wrappers usually start getting depressing, too. in the middle of a chocolate binge, the last thing i want to read is how optimistic i should be about life & that i should let the wind “carry” me away.

    still. satan or not satan. those little chocolates…mmmm nom nom nom.

  4. :) Chocolate is definitely not a bad habit. It’s something that makes you a little fat but it’s so delishious you don’t really care. Oh my HOLY I love chocolate.

  5. OK THATS IT! Now I know you are my people. Those are all my weakness candies too. I will eat Sour Patch Kids until my mouth is screaming in pain and I feel it for days afterwards. Healthy. Also, I once ate a whole bag of Circus Animal cookies by myself. Let’s just say, that was not such a great idea… … yeah… and also I couldn’t eat them for about 2 years afterwards. I’m over that now. BRING IT ON!

  6. OMG those little Dove chocolates ARE AMAZING!!!!!! My mom gave us some around VDay and I just let each and every one melt in my mouth!! I was QUITE sad when they were gone! And I’m not usually a HUGE chocolate fan (I know, the shame!), but those little babies could very well be my demise! :)

  7. Those are good!

    I stand in shame too–I ate a whole box of malted milk balls yesterday all by myself. It’s not good. Not at all!

    But it just taaaastes too good.

  8. I haven’t seen those frosted animal cookie things in forever! I would have completely forgotten about their existence, if it wasn’t for you. Totally putting them on my grocery shopping list…..that way when my husband is at work and I’m whining that I’ll have to eat a nutrigrain bar for dinner- I can have those instead. Because that sound absolutely ideal.

    Tell those Dove Promises to eff off. Switch to my personal fave, Reese’s Peanut Butter eggs.

  9. I have never ever had a dove promise. And now I’m kinda afraid to. I usually enjoy things with little sayings in them, but not if it would mock me. Are they really that good? Should I risk becoming addicted to a chocolate that would mock me?

  10. I glanced at your picture of the Dove wrapper without reading your description and I saw: “Kick a bad habit. Not today.” YEAH! Right on! Not today! Keep eating that chocolate! yummmm. That promise would make much more sense.

    Now I really want some Dove promises. And sour patch kids. And chips & salsa. (I’ve already got the circus animal cookies at home.)

  11. That’s hilarious. What person in their right mind would create a promise that potentially talked customers out of their own product? Let’s think these things through, people.

  12. ZOMG – I can’t keep these in the house, EVER! Or the office. I eat them like no one’s business. This whole post made me laugh – it sounds like the boyf and I talking about fortune cookies – they don’t come with fortunes anymore. It blows!

    Enjoy your chocolate girl!

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