I’m in Sugar-Free Hell.

I just bought a latte. See below.

Please note the calculator I stuck in the photo at the last second, because I want you all to be impressed by how brilliant and mathematical I am.

Drink: Latte

Milk: Soy


So now my latte currently tastes like vanilla, with a subtle hint of death.

Since I ordered it with soy milk (I’m lactose intolerant and real milk makes me look 5 months pregnant), the barista must have automatically assumed I’m one of those healthy people (I’m not) who doesn’t like to consume sugar (I definitely do) and enjoys vom’ing on her drive to work (I don’t, but I did).

(Okayyyy, I didn’t vom. But after that first sip I immediately realized it was an imposter latte, and I may or may not have dramatically grabbed my neck with both hands as if I were dying. Because I was.)

Who likes sugar-free? And who wants to murder it? * Raises hand *

28 thoughts on “I’m in Sugar-Free Hell.

  1. I normally use sugar-free syrup and diet soda when it’s available. I try to reserve my calories and carbs for things that I eat, rather than things that I drink. Even when I get mocha frappuccinos, I get the “light” version.

    But yeah, if you aren’t used to it, it’s quite a hit to the system. Whenever I have to drink regular Pepsi for a low blood sugar I want to gag. It takes like drinking syrupy water and to me it’s gross. It almost makes me thirstier because of all the sweetness.

    To each her own I guess!

  2. Sugar free= DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I agree mo. I totally cant handle it! I get really dramatic about it too. Like Jon and Brent went and got me a Red Bull from DB one time and it tasted weird and i was like wth? But i realized they gave me sugarfree and it was sooo nasty not even the syurp they put in it could help it.

  3. I don’t think fake ANYTHING can be good for you. Seriously. If you’re worried about calories and such, cut down or something. It’s all about moderation. And, that’s all I have to say about that! :)

  4. Gag. Sugar free makes me want to vom FO SHO.
    I’m with Alyssa.
    I recently learned in my Nutrition class that sugar free stuff doesn’t actually cause you to lose any weight at all bc your body doesn’t understand how to process it and reads it as real sugar & processes it that way. So people tend to drink more sugar free crap bc well, it’s sugar free so they think they’re in the clear, whereas people who drink real sugar know they’re drinking SUGAR and are more likey to take it easy on the beverages.
    Not to mention the sodium content that usually goes hand in hand with sugar free beverages. Sodium = bloat = no thanks.
    (don’t quote me on this shiz, I totes have a C in that class)
    Sugar for the win! :P

  5. Sugar free is gross! My husband is diabetic so I run into sugar free quite often and all I can taste are the chemicals!!! Sometimes when he gets a soda at a restaurant and it tastes funny (like most fountain drink do) he will ask me to taste it to make sure it is sugar free (diet). Yuck! It is a good thing that there is a lot of love there or it so would not be worth it.

  6. OMG THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME LAST WEEK. like you, i do soy in my latte, and i guess the barista (retarded) thought i might want to be healthy. um. no.

    so i marched back in there, slammed it down on the counter, looked at her and said “KILL YOURSELF”, and walked out.

    okay, so maybe i didn’t. maybe i drank (gagged) the thing, but i seriously repeated the above scenario in my head no less than 42.5 times during that latte. WTF

  7. i’m in favor of sugar free. i like MUNCHING on sugar until i cannot see straight, not slurping it down (unless, mind you it contains maybe the tiniest amount of alcohol…?!) ;o

  8. I seem to be the odd one here. I am sugar-free by choice. NOT because I am overweight, because I am not. I don’t have sugar, and not allergic to it either. I just don’t like to add it to my coffee-tea-yogurt-fruit etc.

  9. *RAISES HAND* also!!

    I agree with Alyssa! All that sugar-free (a.k.a. we took out the sugar and put in FAKE sugar) is WORSE for you than the real sugar is! So if you’re not killing yourself with the sugar, you’re double killing yourself with the FAKE crap! HAHA!

    I think that barista owes you a FREE latte!!

  10. p.s. I forgot to mention how much i love that you admitted to sticking the calculator in the picture as a prop LOL! Because we ALL do that and I laugh at myself every single time.

  11. Me, me, I hate sugar free stuff! Gag, retch. I’d rather have water (or nothing at all) instead of any sugar free drink. Ick!

  12. Oh I completely can’t stand sugar-free!! Also, it’s not good for you. Something about how it makes your brain think you’ve had real sugar only for a little while and then it goes like… oh wait… no I haven’t… and then you want more.. and more… so on and so forth. Always go for the straight up REAL stuff. Anyway… sorry!! There is nothing more irritating than a messed up coffee order in the mornin’.

  13. You should complain… a free latte is in order!! And they should NOT assume that you want sugar free? Why, because I’m deathly allergic to sugar free anything and I would have been barfing, and then sent to the hospital, and then would have sued… See? Now they have a lawsuit on their hands, just cause they made one dumb assumption.

  14. Aspartame is the devil. I need sugar–straight up–none of that corn syrup either. Just the real thing, unless you know, I just want a coke.

    What a bummer! This isn’t really related, but I was so excited to see Dr. Pepper at a fountain here, so I ordered a drink and took a huuuuuge swig.

    It was root beer–they mixed the syrup. Vom.

  15. aw crap! that sucks lady – pretty much nothing worse than a botched coffee treat – cause if you’re anything like me you were REALLY looking forward to it!

    i despise the taste of sugar free syrups. i’m a soy girl myself – my drink of choice is a double tall soy toffee nut latte. and let me tell you some barista would have hell to pay if they made it sugar free!

    ps you don’t need the calculator to show you’re brilliance. we already know. ;D


  16. In all honesty, it depends on where the sugar free is coming from. Coffee Bean’s sugar free stuff is good, in my opinion. Starbucks? Nahsomuch. Either way, props to you! And please, don’t die.

  17. I kinda want to murder sugar-free, however it’ll do the trick if there is no other option. Oh, silly barista…we’re not all soy/sugar-free-ers. Some of us actually don’t drink real milk and do still enjoy real sugar :)

  18. Ugh, I hate that chemically sugar free syrup taste (I do prefer diet soda to regular, though).

    I had gestational diabetes and a few other complications when I was pregnant, so my Starbucks order was out of control! Decaf, iced, sugar free – my husband refused to get me coffee because he was petrifies he’d get it wrong (I may or may not have been a tad grumpy during pregnancy).

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