Don’t you dare feel sorry for him.

From time to time, things tend to get a little awkward around these parts. I don’t hold much back in the things I share with you all, and sometimes that includes some pretty embarrassing stories involving Justin. Like the time his fart smells woke me up from a dead sleep and made me throw up. You know, sweet stuff like that.

Some of you have sweetly voiced your concern about this. While I think it’s very kind of you to be worried about Justin’s tender feelings, I assure you that he is not only okay with the fact that I share these stories, he’s proud of them. Yes, I can safely say that my husband is quite proud of his smells. In some cases, he even tells me what he thinks I should write about on here, which brings me to my story…

A few days ago I was sitting on the couch watching tv and Justin was in his chair a few feet away. I kept getting whiffs of this gross sour smell, but didn’t say anything about it for a good 20 minutes. I kept giving Justin the side eye and tried to see if there was any indication on his face that he smelled it too, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. But man, It was sick. Almost as bad as the demon fart from that one horrible night.

After some time had passed and the smell was still lingering, I said something to him.

Me: Justin… do you smell something?

Justin: It wasn’t me.

Me: No, it’s not like a farty smell. It’s sour. Like old milk or something.

Justin: Nope. Don’t smell anything.

Me: -staring down at his feet– Umm…

Justin: What??

Me: I think it’s your feet. Smell them.

Justin: I’m not going to smell my feet. You’re nuts.

Then he stuck his foot right in my face and I died. I’m typing to you from my grave right now. It was nice knowing you all.

Anyway, even after I was visibly sick from the smell of his feet, he STILL didn’t believe me! He called me crazy and said something about me imagining things. Oooh no, Homie don’t play that.

Me: I’m serious… it’s YOU. Smell them!

Justin: I can’t smell my own feet. I don’t bend that way.

Me: Oh my gosh… Then take off your sock and smell it.

Justin: Hey Maddie, come here!

Maddie:toddles on over, innocent and unsuspecting– Hi Dad-dyyyy.

Justin:holding up his sock– Here, smell this.

If you’re wondering… YES, IT IS WAS CRUEL AS IT SOUNDS. Poor little Maddie took a whiff of his sock and made the most disgusted, horrified face I’ve ever seen her make in her life. She said, “NOOOOOOO!!!!!!“, wimpered and shook her head back and forth in disgust. Justin was cracking up.

So yeah. All it took was making his wife die and his child nearly pass out from the tortuous stench to make Justin finally realize that yes, his feet did in fact stink.

21 thoughts on “Don’t you dare feel sorry for him.

  1. My hubby would’ve done the EXACT same thing! It takes torturing those they love to realize it is, in fact, them that stinks! Haha!! Thanks for sharing, glad my hubby isn’t the only one! ;)

  2. Oh that poor child. Daddies can be mean that way.

    Better stinky feet than cigarette smoke and ash blowback in the car on long trips, though, I suppose.

  3. Almost as bad as when my husband gets all sweaty and then asks if his “junk” smells and tries to force my head into his crotch to smell.
    Did I just admit that my husband does that? Shameful.

  4. Ought oh, someone is gonna go all “child abuse” on you.

    LOL @ him being proud of the stories – most guys *are* proud of their stink, it seems… :)

  5. my husband considers his bodily odors and smartass comments a point of pride. He loves that I’ve shared with the world (of facebook) that no matter how many postit notes he leaves me, “Push It” is absolutely NOT going on the Baby Delivery playlist. He also laughed and laughed and laughed when our three year old started bawling because she had to go to the bathroom and her daddy had just been in there giving it his daily post-work blessing but she had to go so darn bad she had to just suffer through it crying. And then ran out screeching to me that daddy stinks and she needs ‘the spray’.

  6. Why, why, why do guys’ feet smell so bad. My husband can do nothing all day and his socks and shoes are a digusting biohazard.Wth is up w that sour milk smell anyway? My husband gets pissed off at me if I mention that he stinks. Don’t even get me started on his farting.

  7. I love the way you tell stories! Makes them so funny like we were there, but thank God we weren’t! lol

  8. Men love their smells. They also love to punish their women with them. My husband farts all the time. I have tried to use this pregnancy to my advantage by firing prego farts back at him. This may have resulted in me peeing a little each time, but this is WAR!

  9. omg, I was laughing so hard and didn’t think I could laugh any harder until I started reading the comments and when I got to Krista’s I seriously choked laughing.
    It is SO SO GOOD to know that other girls are married to disgusting men too, shamefully funny disgusting men :P

  10. ha ha ha!!! OM GOSH that is so hilarious!!! I was canning myself!!!! Well Good for Justin that he doesn’t mind you sharing these stories…and good for us, cos it’s cool to come to your blog and read these things!! Have a great weekend!

  11. bahahaha!! peter’s feet don’t stink but his farts do and he thinks dutch ovens are just hilarious. what is wrong with these men?!

  12. Hahahahaa! I laugh to keep from weeping, this all sounds so horribly familiar! My husband is the same way and I have two toddler boys well on their way to emulating him. It’s safe to assume I will be seeking asylum somewhere far away during their teenage years.

  13. I actually look forward to this all when I get married. Haha, I love this! I just literally sat and laughed for 10 minutes. Too adorably funny.

    So what’s it like being a ghost? XD

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