From time to time, things tend to get a little awkward around these parts. I don’t hold much back in the things I share with you all, and sometimes that includes some pretty embarrassing stories involving Justin. Like the time his fart smells woke me up from a dead sleep and made me throw up. You know, sweet stuff like that.
Some of you have sweetly voiced your concern about this. While I think it’s very kind of you to be worried about Justin’s tender feelings, I assure you that he is not only okay with the fact that I share these stories, he’s proud of them. Yes, I can safely say that my husband is quite proud of his smells. In some cases, he even tells me what he thinks I should write about on here, which brings me to my story…
A few days ago I was sitting on the couch watching tv and Justin was in his chair a few feet away. I kept getting whiffs of this gross sour smell, but didn’t say anything about it for a good 20 minutes. I kept giving Justin the side eye and tried to see if there was any indication on his face that he smelled it too, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. But man, It was sick. Almost as bad as the demon fart from that one horrible night.
After some time had passed and the smell was still lingering, I said something to him.
Me: Justin… do you smell something?
Justin: It wasn’t me.
Me: No, it’s not like a farty smell. It’s sour. Like old milk or something.
Justin: Nope. Don’t smell anything.
Me: -staring down at his feet– Umm…
Me: I think it’s your feet. Smell them.
Justin: I’m not going to smell my feet. You’re nuts.
Then he stuck his foot right in my face and I died. I’m typing to you from my grave right now. It was nice knowing you all.
Anyway, even after I was visibly sick from the smell of his feet, he STILL didn’t believe me! He called me crazy and said something about me imagining things. Oooh no, Homie don’t play that.
Me: I’m serious… it’s YOU. Smell them!
Justin: I can’t smell my own feet. I don’t bend that way.
Me: Oh my gosh… Then take off your sock and smell it.
Justin: Hey Maddie, come here!
Maddie: –toddles on over, innocent and unsuspecting– Hi Dad-dyyyy.
Justin: –holding up his sock– Here, smell this.
If you’re wondering… YES, IT IS WAS CRUEL AS IT SOUNDS. Poor little Maddie took a whiff of his sock and made the most disgusted, horrified face I’ve ever seen her make in her life. She said, “NOOOOOOO!!!!!!“, wimpered and shook her head back and forth in disgust. Justin was cracking up.
So yeah. All it took was making his wife die and his child nearly pass out from the tortuous stench to make Justin finally realize that yes, his feet did in fact stink.