Mom Skills: Bra Not Required

I wrote this little ditty a while back, going over some stuff I had learned after being a stay at home mom for a month or so. Hold the phone people, you have an expert on your hands here! ONE WHOLE MONTH and I was writing the handbook. Let’s just do a little recap and see what this little genius was up to six months ago.

  • Apply some form of makeup
  • Open all the blinds – SUNSHINE IS SO IMPORTANT. It’s like the Batcave in here if I don’t.
  • Feed Maddie breakfast
  • Get Maddie dressed in actual clothes so she’s not laying around in PJ’s all day

So just to be clear, the answer to every stay at home mom’s problems lie within a single tube of lip gloss. Oh, and don’t forget to feed your kid. Someone give me a Nobel Prize because I obviously know All Of The Things.

Anyway. Here we are, half a year later (holy time warp, Batman) and I’ve been pretty busy mastering my mom skills. That last sentence made me sound like a fancy swordsman or something, but no seriously. I’m better at it now. Did you notice how I didn’t even mention Jack in that list? What was he up to that whole time? Probably laying in his crib with his unamused face wondering why it took his mom an entire day to feed his sister and open the blinds. Get it together, Ma.

Being home involves doing things. A ton of things. While I still agree that your old routines are important in helping you feel like an adult (makeup, hair, not forgetting to feed yourself), the bottom line is that the kids come first.

Most mornings, I’m not awake for very long before the kids are up. Gah, I can’t lie to you… the truth is that the kids actually wake me up every morning. It’s kind of shameful, but that’s just the way it goes around here. Maddie hid my alarm clock a while ago and I haven’t found it yet, so I just keep sleeping until I hear one of them. Soooo, that gives me umm, negative eleventeen minutes to do anything for myself before the Screeches of the Hungry Breakfast Seekers begin. That includes brushing the teeth, combing the hair, emptying the bladder, and putting on the bra. Yes, I’m saggy and gross in the morning for a while. Judge me harshly!

(I know you’re thinking, “just go buy a new alarm clock, you lazy woman” but then I wouldn’t have anything to write about, would I? See my dilemma?)

Once everyone’s changed, fed and settled, it’s email time. Oh but wait, “the kids come first”, right? That is precisely how I am now able to read 419 emails in under 10 minutes. BAM! Mom skills.

Do I wash, blow dry, style, tease, spray, primp my hair for an hour like I used to? No, but I do a little bit to fix myself up when I’m able. The Blogger Bun shows up on the top of my head several times a week. It’s supposedly the most popular, chic hairstyle that’s been floating around the internet for a while, but it’s really just the same old messy bun I’ve been doing since I was 13. Now I can throw my hair up in 2 seconds and feel fashionable. Thank you, internet. Now just bring back plaid pajama pants and those clunky Jesus sandals and I’ll be right back in 1999 where I left my heart.

All that to say, there’s no one way to do this and things are never going to be perfect. Just take care of those sweet babes the best way you can and you get mad mom props from me. Bonus points if you make it to noon without putting on a bra.

25 thoughts on “Mom Skills: Bra Not Required

  1. I may make it till noon w/o a bra at times, but harsh reality hits me when the dog escapes and I have to go running to the neighbor’s house to get her. So NOT PRETTY after nursing 3 kids. Especially if I am still in my PJs at noon.

  2. No harsh judgment…just gentle judgment…no no no….NO JUDGMENT because ummmm i AM YOU BUT WORSE…

    Just wait until you start asking the older one to go talk to the baby in the crib for just a minute while you try to talk yourself out of bed :) …and I too grab my bra, ponytail holder and contacts on the way to the kitchen so I can literally get pseudo “dressed” while the oatmeal is heating up. No joke…I am often putting a bra on in front of the microwave…sexy…

  3. ha ha!!! I remember those days! Oh my word! I was one of those that only got dressed at 2pm (on a good day!) and make up was a distant memory at least for the first few weeks of each little ones life!

  4. Yes to it all. Love this! I am always completely awed of myself when I remember to prep the coffee maker the night before. You would think I was mastering rocket science.

  5. HAHAHA! Had me rollin’ through this entire post ;-) You are doing great, Mom. And I’m feelin’ ya. I’m in the same boat. And I have to remind myself to put a bra on daily. LOL.

  6. dear mrs priss,
    I am not yet a mother myself but I absolutely love reading your blog. By far the most entertaining mommy blog out there. Thank you for keeping it real.
    much love from Ottawa.

  7. girl you crack me up. i think if we knew each other in real life we’d be besties.
    or we’d hate each other cause we’re too similar…
    either way–spectacular post as usual. one of the few bloggers that i truly LOL too–like literally.
    bras? i think i have ONE that actual fits. so i save it, you know, for special occasions like trips to target.
    a nobel prize because you know All Of The Things?
    (see what i did there? broken up like that? shows you how serious i am)

  8. I laughed so hard at the alarm clock bit because about 2 weeks ago, my 15 month old tracked my alarm clock in the kitchen where it has now sat on the kitchen counter ever since. At least your alarm clock is lost. Mine is sitting in plain sight and I STILL haven’t put it back in my bedroom! LOL

  9. Ha love it. It’s all so true. Sadly I think I do one worse after being woken by my 2 yr and 2 month twins you can find me handing over my iPhone to my 2yr and proping bottles up for the twins just so I can get 30 more minutes to wake up as I lay in bed.
    A BRA… Ha. Most days I don’t even know that word or I’m running to freshen up 2 mins before the hub walks in the door meaning I’m getting out of my pjs and trying to remember if I brushed my teeth after my morning coffee.
    I have been a stay at home mom for a year and im still learning that it’s not all fun and games. It’s harder work then when I had a classroom with 20 plus students. I wouldn’t change it.

  10. HAHA! I love this! Truth be told, if I manage to put my bra on before 2 you should be impressed but even more impressive is if I get up before 10:30! Yeah…my world will be rocked when Tenley actually arrives!

  11. You are an absolute crack up! I found your blog when I googled “how to make felt flowers” (or something like that). I spent one morning reading your blog before my kiddos got up and loved it! I certainly remember those days when my kiddos were the age of yours….it does get better!
    I appreciate your fun tutorials. I made some of the cutest headbands with flowers for b-day gifts for our little neighbor girls. (Can we say cheap…got the headbands in a pack of six at the dolloar store…score!!).
    Look forward to reading more!

  12. I had no idea there was a title for the rats nest ball I’ve been sporting on the top of my head for 15 years, now I am convinced I’m totally in fashion.
    And I’d be psyched at this point to go braless, I’m waiting for the day when I don’t need it to hold my nursing pads to save me from a total milk explosion.
    At one month into being a mama of 2, I can honestly say you had more going for you in terms of “knowing it all” than I do, so your post from then is completely appropriate… I look forward to more WISDOM!

  13. You are hilarious. Truth is I’m 30 weeks pregnant with a little girl and have a 20 month old little boy. Right now I’m in my pjs with no bra. Charlie’s in a diaper and tshirt. I have no idea how I’m going to handle it with two kiddos. I have got to start some routine before the baby gets here. It’s so hard when you are completely exhausted. How did you do it!?

  14. a bra is always required for me. Makeup? sometimes. A shower? sometimes. Cute hair? sometimes. An outfit that isn’t a tank top and sweat pants? sometimes. A bra? YES ALWAYS.
    why?? mom boobs. serious mom boobs. ’tis sad.

  15. I’m already too lazy to put on a bra and I’m only 14 weeks pregnant.. I’m in trouble! ;) So glad you found my blog so I could find yours, looking forward to some great insight & reading material here!! This post cracked me up.

  16. just stumbled upon your blog and im so happy i did because his morning as i really nedded to hear that I am not alone! i was just thinking how lame it was that i couldn’t do my hair cute everyday ( i am a hairdresser, who only works from home, but still feel extra bad for not doing it) and that yesterday i never actually took off my pj pants and put on real pants. but you made me realize that what is important is that my 5 month old is happy and fed and napped and my house is clean and dinner is going when my husband got home. I have to say as I type that, I’m not doing so bad. thanks for the post… i think i can carry on today…

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