Domestic Confessions

I don’t know if this will turn into a new series of posts or if I’ll get too embarrassed after this one and never show my face on the internet again, but I have a secret to share. I’m just going to dive on into this pool of humility and tell you about one of the most dumb mistakes I’ve ever made as an adult. So when Justin and I were married, I was 20 and had never lived on my own. To be completely honest, I didn’t know how to cook except to brown some hamburger meat and even then, I burned it because I was terrified to have any pink undone bits and yeah. Don’t feel sorry for me. I eventually sort of learned.

So when I would do our laundry, I number one, hated it because we lived in a little house at the time where the laundry room was actually the garage. Not so bad except number two, there were billions of black widows. Billions. Each with billions of tiny little devil eyeballs I would feel staring me down every time I would step foot in their territory. What I would do was basically run in, throw a mix of clothes in the washing machine, dump in a capful of pretty smelling stuff from a cute jug with pictures of flowers on it and run out, sometimes even leaping out the door because what if a spider wanted to jump on me at the last second before I left? I mean I had to get outta dodge and fast.

Laundry would be finished and I’d go get it, run back in the house and dump it on the floor and go back in maaaaaybe a week later to repeat the washing/leaping process. I never would fold the clothes on the floor. As a matter of fact, I still don’t unless somebody’s coming over to the house. And that someone has to be a “Someone” like a princess or a president who doesn’t know me very well and I want to give them a good impression. Even then, I usually don’t because it’s just like, no. I still hate it and Maddie changes her outfits 80 times a day anyway, so folding is a complete waste of time. And I don’t know any princesses or presidents — that too. This logic may appear flawed, but let me assure you, it is a reflection of magnificent growth in me personally. In the past, I would have taken the pile of clothes and hid them in my closet in trash bags. I actually did that. Frantically shoved all the clean clothes in trash bags instead of folding them so no one would judge me by my homemaking skills. Makes perfect sense.

Anyway, back to the confession. For at least two years I did laundry that way. One day when I was pregnant with Maddie, I had an eye opening experience. I don’t know if it was the nesting hormones kicking in or the fact that I just physically opened my eyeballs in the laundry aisle at the store, but I noticed there was this foreign substance called DETERGENT next to all the cute colorful jugs with flowers on them with the fancy names like Vanilla Passion Oasis that I had been using. To put it plain, my sweet naive adult self had been buying FABRIC SOFTENER based solely on the packaging and scent, then I’d go home and rush through the laundry because it’s the worst. I was basically soaking our clothes in perfume for two years and never really washing them. FOR TWO YEARS. That’s just, I don’t even know. I’m not ashamed, just kind of perplexed and actually a little in awe of how completely ridiculous it all is.

Okay, that wasn’t so bad. I’m not sure anyone can top it, but you are welcome to try! Maybe I’ll do a follow up post with all your embarrassing confessions in it. Okay yeah, that sounds fun, let’s do that!

11 thoughts on “Domestic Confessions

  1. Oh my gosh….that is hilarious! I am really surprised your clothes held up to that! Were they all sort of like…gooey feeling? I just wonder about the build up!

  2. This is amazing and such a relief to my young married self. You just don’t learn all this domestic crap over night like it seems like everyone else does! It’s hard sometimes and a continuous process of figuring things out. Please keep the stories coming! :)

  3. So, mine isn’t a housekeeping confession, but definitely definitely embarrassing.

    You know how when you are a kid and you don’t really understand how something works, so you make an assumption based on what you do know? Well, I did that about umbilical cords. Logically in my 7 year old mind, I understood that belly buttons came from where your umbilical cord attached and pregnant women’s belly buttons stick out, so I put two and two together and assumed one end plugged into the baby and the other end plugged into the mom’s belly button and then NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT AGAIN. Until one fine day about a year after I married my husband. He was poking my belly button and I told him he wasn’t allowed to do that until he attached a baby to it. And he just looked at me for a solid minute, until I said “Ah, that’s not how that works, is it?”

    He hasn’t quit making fun of me 2 years later. The real kicker? My dad is a doctor.

  4. I used to be an awful cook and burned nearly everything so I would cook with a bar stool in the kitchen. I would stand on it and wave a dish towel around the smoke alarm when it eventually went off. I think the neighbors thought we were running a meth lab or something.

  5. Um yeah. I totally did that too before I got married. I was living with my sister at the time and since I always did the laundry, she didn’t notice until one day she went to throw a load in herself and asked where the detergent was.

  6. I am SO happy you are back!!! And, that you now know the difference between softener and detergent!! :)

  7. bahahahahaha!!!! This is the best. story. EVER! I’m one step away from you in that at least I was using detergent. Folding though…that never gets done in my house either. Our “playroom” might as well just be called the laundry room (at least that’s what the kids call it). :(

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