Tomato Tomäto Head

I’ve mentioned it a few or 80 times on Twitter that I’ve recently cut out all animal products from my diet. I know, that makes me a vegan. No, I’m not walking around like this:

Nor am I wearing my hair in a long braid and clomping around in Jesus sandals. I’m just eating better and regulating my poo factory. nbd.

I’ll discuss all this in more detail later on, but for now I just had to tell you that I’m actually having fun! Not eating cheese makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and cry a little because it’s my favorite thing in the world, but my body really is thanking me for it. It’s a whole new way of thinking/cooking and it’s sort of forced me to be more creative in the kitchen, which I love.

Like, today I was all, “Justin, I think I’m going to attempt ratatouille at some point this week. Adventurous, yes?” And he goes, “Like with a mouse?”

He’s not exactly on board, but then again, HIS stomach doesn’t go all Hindenburg every time he looks at dairy.

Peace, love, and soy milk.

What happens in Zumba class…

Watch a few seconds of this, then proceed:

Zumba is crazy. I joined a class back in 2009 and almost immediately went down 2 sizes. I seriously don’t think I had been that skinny since I was about four years old. If you haven’t tried it yet, do so immediately, but be warned: white girl dancing skills are really put to the test. It’s a combination of hip hop and Latin with some kick boxing and belly dancing thrown in there, so a healthy amount of booty shaking is definitely involved. You WILL feel stupid at first, but that’s just part of it. Soon enough though, you’ll start feeling legit and like you could be doing the Put a Ring on It dance at weddings and such. The great thing about it is that no matter how little rhythm you have, you still burn calories like a beast.

Now I will be shutting off my infomercial voice so I can tell you about my current class. I joined a new gym and have been taking the Zumba class for the past few weeks with my friend Tara. We sort of hide out in the back of the room so we can shoot looks at each other when that one older lady busts out her jingly belly dancing skirt and have no one judge us for it (she seriously thinks she’s Shakira, it’s hilarious). It’s like our high school physics class all over again, just replace the nice teacher who gave us extra credit and let us eat candy in class with a Ricky Martin/devil hybrid.

Our devil instructor is a guy, which is a new thing for me. I have to be honest… he scares me a mighty bit. I like women teachers because they don’t have wieners. They don’t check out your butt when they’re pretending to ‘evaluate your form’, they don’t make you bounce around too much because they understand how it can be painful in two very specific regions, and if they think your moves could use some work, they are sensitive to your feelings and don’t point out your flaws publicly. This guy on the other hand, makes us bounce constantly. Also, he will stand in front of you and shake his head if you’re not performing to your full potential. He will remain in that spot until you acknowledge him and begin to shimmyshake with more purpose. Basically he shames you in front of the whole class, but with lots of Latino flair and a smile. He’s only done it to me once during my very first class and I was so afraid of making eye contact with him so he stayed there for like 3 days. Ever since then I make sure to really put the effort into those moves so he’ll stay up at the front by Shakira where he belongs.

The other day I was dancing away and I was finally starting to feel a bit of my old skinny, sassy self returning. Remember how I told you that happens? Well Rule #1 to Zumba is DON’T lose yourself in the music. I know Eminem tells you to in 8 Mile, but just don’t. I made this fatal mistake that day when a good song came on and didn’t realize that I had shimmied and bounced my nursing pads right out the top of my bra. They peered out the top of my tank top and said hi to the whole class for who knows how long. Thankfully the devil was busy embarrassing some other poor girl at the time so he didn’t notice and start shaking his head at me. It was his fault they popped out anyway because of all the bouncing!

Didn’t I start this post by telling you the benefits of Zumba? My bad. It really is fun, trust me… just wear a good bra and leave your nursing pads and shame at home.

He likes pancakes.

While watching some show on HGTV.

Justin: That girl has has stub arms.

Me: That’s mean! But she sort of does. Her butt is cute though… unlike my pancake. *sobs*

Justin: hrrmmfphmm…

Me: What was that?


Me: Umm, are you agreeing with me? I know what that silence means! You’re supposed to tell me I have a cute butt no matter state it’s in! I tell you you’re cute even though you crunch your cereal too loud and eat spaghetti like Maddie does… this is part of your job!

Justin: I like pancakes.

Me: *dagger eyes*

Justin: What? We weren’t talking about food?

Zumba. Or, how I get away with shaking my booty in public without being labeled a hoochie mama.

It’s official… I am a gym member, and for the first time in my life!  Thanks to the influence of Natali, I joined up at a local women’s gym and am already addicted to a workout class they offer — Zumba. Anyone heard of it? Anyone done it? ANYONE AS ADDICTED AS I AM?

No, I’m serious. If you Google it ahead of time as I did, you will die laughing, but it really is the best workout I’ve ever had and such a ball. It’s kind of a mix of salsa, belly dancing, and kickboxing set to catchy music, and when done for an hour you’re supposed to burn somewhere around 700 calories. Crazy, right?

On Friday night, Natali and I attended a benefit for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society, where close to 100 of us danced for about 2 hours. For someone who hasn’t done much working out since… well, EVER, I was dying. But according to Nat’s weight watcher calculations, we burned about 1,200 calories, so I will definitely say the soreness and pools of sweat were worth it!

zumba teachers
All our crazy/awesome instructors, with miss Rosa in the center.