The Men of LOST: Sawyer vs. Jack

Lost is returning in less than a month for it’s final season and I am THISCLOSE to making a huge fool of myself due to the excitement of it all. Like, do a little jig kind of fool. Now, before you start questioning my sanity, let me assure you that I have a love/hate relationship with the show and it frustrates me as much as it does you.

I’ve been a faithful viewer for the 5ish years it’s been on, have sat through the most aggravating episodes that only leave you with MORE questions to be answered and have pretty much wanted to rip my shirt down the middle and stomp in protest after every season finale because there are about 500 freaking more mysteries to be explained!

People, it’s time to get serious.  I’ve been wasting my time trying to figure out the significance of Hurley’s magical numbers and the black smoke monster and why that one dark haired guy never ages (not to mention why I can never remember the dude’s name), and you know what? It’s all been for nothing.

I’m switching gears and devoting this final season to discovering what’s truly important. I’ll be delving deep into the show’s history and character background in hopes of answering the question that has tormented me for years:




Things to Consider:

  • Pre-Island Profession: Con Man
  • Will probably lie to you about important issues such as his job, family history, real name and likely… STDs.
  • Often wields a gun, meaning he may offer protection and/or shoot you
  • Steals items from dead bodies
  • Wears glasses stolen from dead body to look incredibly cute and intelligent while reading books (in touch with intelligent side, I like)
  • Flowing golden locks of hair
  • Southern accent (win)
  • Becomes increasingly sensitive, kind and lovable as show progresses
  • Once fell in love with Kate, obviously indicating poor taste in women (see below)



  1. is a ho
  2. is a homicidal B
  3. has a bad case of Man Body
  4. is not me



Things to Consider:

  • Pre-Island Profession: Neurosurgeon
  • Has life-saving abilities and uses them frequently
  • Has major Daddy issues
  • Has substance abuse problems (pill popper, mostly… but it runs in the family so don’t be too hard on the poor guy)
  • Strong leadership qualities & is a quick thinker, but becomes bossy and irrational at times
  • Has tattoos, indicating the slightest touch of badassery
  • Short, clean cut hair (you know how I feel about this)
  • Becomes increasingly emo, unstable and self-destructive as seasons progress
  • Fell in love with Kate, obviously indicating poor taste in women (See above)

Can you see the dilemma? I’ll be spending the next 6 months trying to decide who wins, and will prooooobably be annoying you greatly with weekly updates on my findings. I know you’re excited.

If you had to vote rightthissecond, who would it be?