Things I didn’t realize before I had a kid

  • The power of cheerios. Those things can keep a kid quiet and entertained for as long as the supply in your diaper bag lasts.
  • Sleeping in? BAHAHAHAHA… oh, that’s a good one.
  • From the moment you become a parent you automatically possess the ability to stumble out of bed at 3am and change a crying baby’s dirty diaper at a speed so lightning fast, sometimes you can’t even remember doing it the next morning.
  • Carrots, sweet potatoes and peaches will turn your baby’s nose orange.
  • How packing a diaper bag every day gets really, really old, but it eventually becomes one of those things you can do in your sleep.
  • It isn’t possible to be both lazy and a good parent.
  • Censoring bad words is an art, and one that takes quite a long time to master.
  • Your tolerance for people who waste your time will EVAPORATE.
  • You will get pooped on and somehow still want to kiss the person who did it.