Mrs. Not-So-Photogenic

That’s me in all my three-year-old, ratted hair glory. I was quite the happy, giggly child… always singing, dancing, and ‘Pwaising the Lord’. For some reason, and I can’t quite put my finger on it, this picture says otherwise. It’s probably the horizontal stripes. Yeah, thats it.

I know we all have a hidden stash of those embarrassing photos that we’d just DIE if anyone saw (or post on Myspace without our consent… ahem, ahem). I actually have an entire developed roll where I cut my face out of every single picture I appeared in. No joke! There are holes in the place of my face. Very mature reaction, I’d say.

There is an endless list of complaints we all seem to have — our foreheads are too shiny, we suddenly put on 60lbs and have 15 chins, or we look like we’re trying to get in a little power nap during our own birthday party because our eyes just won’t… stay…… open… Zzzzz.

I did some research (for myself, mostly because I blink. All the time.) and managed to find some very helpful tips on how to look completely fabulous in every picture.

  • Pull head forward slightly to minimize any appearance of a double chin.
  • Turn your body partially sideways to the camera, with one foot in front of the other. Point your front foot toward the camera and put your weight on your back foot. This sort of ‘cuts’ your body in half and flatters any figure.
  • Just like your Grandma said, ‘Shoulders back, chest forward, stomach in.’
  • Don’t press your arms completely to your side – this will enhance the upper arm flab that we all love so very, very much. Instead, hold them slightly out to your sides so they don’t squish and flatten out.
  • A slight tan will also help you look a tad thinner. I say ‘slight’ with emphasis because self-tanners can and will ruin your life if you aren’t careful. Oompa Loompa isn’t a good look, so use tanners sparingly.
  • A tip for the photographer: Don’t shoot from below. We really don’t need those extra chins.
  • The old saying that ‘Black is slimming’ holds true, most of the time, but it’s not the only color that makes you look thinner. Wearing an entire outfit in just one color will do the trick as well. Also, simply knowing your body type and how to dress to conceal flaws will help you out tremendously.