Last week I thought I was pregnant.

I’ve had two legitimate pregnancy scares since I’ve had Madeline. The first was at my 6 week postpartum appointment. The nurse measured my height, took my weight and asked some pretty general questions.

Nurse: So, how are things going Mom?

Me: Great!

Nurse: Are you breastfeeding?

Me: Yes.

Nurse: Have you had sexual intercourse since giving birth?

Me: ……………………………yesssss.

Nurse: Okay, let’s get a urine sample.

Me: Okay– wait, WHAT? O_O

Off she skipped, leaving me to my thoughts and that dreaded little plastic cup.  After waiting forty-five minutes for my results to come back, I had pretty much worked myself up into a tizzy. By the time she came back in, I had mentally come full circle: OMG, she just took a urine sample. That means I could be pregnant, again! GOD, HELP ME. Madeline is 6 weeks old, so that means I’ll have two kids under a year old at the same time. WHAT. AM. I. DOING? I’ll have to quit work, get a double stroller, move into a bigger place and I’ll eventually need a boob job, no doubt. Well, that part’s not so bad. And actually, new babies are cuddly, sweet and smell flipping good. Awww, I wonder if it’ll be a boy this time. No, I don’t think I can handle a wiener. I think I want another girl – a little sister for Maddie. Ahhh, they are going to have so much fun shopping together when they’re older! Maddie and… gosh, I need another name. Another ‘M’ name, or is that too cheesy? Maybe a ‘J’, after Justin this time. Wait, what the heck am I thinking?! I CAN’T BE PREGNANT AGAIN… I will DIE.

Needless to say I wasn’t pregnant back in January, but last Thursday I went through a similar thought process when I realized I was a full week late. This time, I shared my possible exciting news with Stephanie, who proceeded to spend the rest of the afternoon showing me pictures of her adorable new brother and sister. Torture! By 5:00, I was actually looking forward to going home and taking a pregnancy test. I had 2 sets of first & middle names and a few options for nursery decor picked out. Pro.

Well, I’m definitely not pregnant. Ah, the wonders of nature. At least now I know if it does happen by accident, I’m not going to die. I might even be happy about it. :)