This week has been nutso. My brain is hurty.
I went to Ikea with my Mom and Maddie, redecorated the living room, have been working on about a bagillion pinwheels in preparation for my friend’s baby shower this Saturday, and have been spending all the hours in between either working, making 8 thousand lists of things I need to do/buy/clean, or making crazy stressed out faces like this:
(I’m in a random Britney reference phase right now. Just go with it.)
In pregnancy news, I’m blah blah blah getting fatter blah. Remember when I was all, “Bring on the weight gain, baby! I’m not afraid of you!”?? Yeah, that was silly. I think the weight gain fairy has been paying me nightly visits, and instead of money under my pillow she’s leaving badonk. I swear, I wake up each morning and my butt is bigger than the day before. YIPPEE.
I’ll be back next week with some baby shower photos, a chipper attitude and some maternity spanx, cuz I be classy like that.
My belly doesn’t seem to be showing any signs of growth in these photos, but I swear it is! To be perfectly frank with you all, any sort of bump I had during the first few months was solely due to the fact that I was eating too much bloaty dairy. Dairy and I have an interesting relationship. I love it, yet it tries to murder my insides. But I still eat it. All the time. Because IT’S JUST SOOOO GOOOOOOOD.
Anyway. The other day I got my first Oh you’re pregnant?? We thought you were just gaining a lot of weight! comment. Those are always jolly good for the soul! This person went on to say that she and a coworker were noticing how I had put on some pounds when I was walking by the other day and that they were trying to decide what was up with me. I was like, Yeah, I’m five months pregnant… remember I told you a few months ago? She apparently did not remember, and looked over at her coworker with an AHA! expression. Really? Was it that big of a mystery?
I’m really not that bugged by it, surprisingly. I had a lot of that stuff flung my way when I was pregnant before and I realize some people just don’t know what to say or how to say it. That’s coo. I’ll just keep on scarfing down cheese and chocolate, stick out my lactose-belly and hope for the best.
Okay, I’m getting seriously lazy with these posts because I’m actually 2 days away from being 15 weeks. And yes, I felt the need to tell you all that because the entire time you’re pregnant all you really care about is being farther ahead of where you are and you want the world to know that HEY, I’m really 5 days farther along than what the title of this post says and I realize it seems like a petty & insignificant detail, but I LIVED through those 5 days of constipation and grief so it makes a difference, DANG IT!
It’s an actual baby belly now & not just gas. I REJOICE!
This week I downgraded from Gold Level Throw Up Queen to a content state of Gagging While Brushing Teeth. It’s the little things, people.
Also, I’m going to a wedding this weekend and I’m currently on the hunt for an outfit that doesn’t make me look like I did at the wedding I attended two weeks ago. Which was basically a WHALE with flip flops and smeared eyeliner.
Horrendous, I know. I’d like to go for something a little less frumpy this time, and that requires me to find a cute dress today on my lunch break. Wish me luck!
First things first. A few weeks back I wrote a post about angry pregnant women wanting to kill you. A little harsh. I think I may have angered some pregnant women and also terrified the rest of you in the process. I PROMISE on my shoe collection that I will never harm a hair on your pretty little heads if you say anything about my baby/pregnancy/gas belly (because again, we know that all it really is at this point). It was all in fun, but I still want to say I’m sorry to the nice pregnant ladies and to everyone else who may be hiding from me under their couches at this very moment. xo
Now let’s get to business.
I have an ultrasound today and there’s a possibility I may see a penis nub. You know how much this concerns me. Still, I’m really excited about being able to see the baby again because last time I was only able to get 2 ultrasounds the entire pregnancy and it was really disappointing. Pregnant ladies love their ultrasounds. It’s true.
Symptoms this week:
- More barfing. Actually, I should be clear about this… it’s not actual throwing up and more like just a chronic case of the dry heaves, which I fully believe was something conjured up by an evil witch doctor who lives in the swamps. There’s no satisfaction of a job well done or even a flush! Just a lot of disturbing sounds coming out of your mouth.
- Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad skin.
- Ravenous hunger and odd cravings. Most people know I’m weird about my meats. Like, I basically only eat white meat chicken after it’s been dissected and I know for sure it has nothing questionable in it. I found a vein once and… let’s just not discuss my reaction. Anyway, I’ve been craving roast beef. I DON’T DO BEEF.
- Sexy dreams involving ugly actors I am in no way attracted to in a conscious state. I’ve been debating on whether to take you all there and I’m not quite sure I (or my family who reads my blog) would be all that comfortable with it, so for now I’ll just leave it to your imagination. (Skeet Ulrich. JUST NO.)
- I love you, Justin.
Okay, I’ll be 11 weeks tomorrow, but I have been majorly slacking off with my posts (and life in general) these past few weeks. I am SO looking forward to feeling better soon, not puking at the sight of meats and cheeses.
So is everyone still okay with me posting my blurry, ghetto, bathroom belly shots? Because I DO own an actual camera and am happy to pose awkwardly in front of my apartment for all my neighbors to watch and ridicule. But it’s whatever the people want!
Anyway. The baby, as my friend Kristy so eloquently worded it, is a life-sucking leach. BUT! It’s a life-sucking leach without a tail and with actual, non-webbed fingers now! AWWW.
Also, I watched The Business of Being born last week during a slow time at work. It was really interesting, but may I please advise that you DON’T DO THIS AT WORK. I never expected to see that many dark brown Milkdud nipples that early in the morning and I’m not sure I’ve fully recovered.