31 Weeks

Baby got back... no, seriously... DO YOU SEE MY BUTT?!

Okay, y’all. I’m officially HUMONGOUS.  I’m not just talking about the belly, although it has grown quite a bit in the past few weeks… but the booty?  Yeah, it’s no longer fitting in certain maternity pants I bought ONLY THREE MONTHS AGO!  My shallow, superficial little world is crumbling beneath me.  But I will defeat these extra pounds, I am convinced!

If Britney can go from this:

to this (with a little help from Photoshop):

… then I can definitely make it happen.

(Just do me a favor and shoot me if I ever shave my head. There’s just no recovering from that mess.)

In other news, Madelyn will be here in 9 short weeks and I have, well… absolutely nothing ready for the grand occasion.  I keep saying I have enough time to get it all in order, but MAN, how the past month has flown by!  My first baby shower is in two weeks (EXCITEMENT!), then pretty much every weekend up until my due date is booked with some other sort of event, including two more showers.  I need to just buckle down and get the nursery ready, wash all her little things in Dreft and buy some nipple cream already.

By the way, have I mentioned my irrational fear of whatever it is that happens to The Girls once they’ve gone through the pain and terror of breastfeeding? No?  I’ll save that one for another post.

27 Weeks

Half the pregnancy updates I read say the third trimester starts this week and the rest say next week… but let’s just ignore that last half and make me a happy girl — I’m in the third trimester! What’s jumping ahead a week going to hurt, right?  Right.

BAM! Belly! And my favorite maternity jeans, if you haven't noticed yet.

Friends, this is a terribly sad day in the life of the girl you see above.  That smile?  It was forced and completely insincere.  The apocalypse is upon us… I have my first stretch mark.

It’s actually really light and small, on my lower belly… BUT IT’S STILL THERE!  And oh, how it taunts me.

The little devil reared it’s ugly, squiggly head last night.  As soon as I noticed it, I let out a very loud and panicked “NOOOOOOOOO!” and ran straight to the bathroom cabinet where I kept the unused tube of stretch mark lotion.  I was determined never to need it, but let me tell you something… I don’t care if it works or not, this stuff is my only hope.  I slathered it on like nobody’s business, saying a silent prayer and shedding one, glistening tear while doing so, no less than 3 times today already.

I am so not the “embrace your beautiful new pregnant body because you’re creating a miracle” type. I loved my cute, flat stomach and will be mourning it’s death until the magic of breastfeeding and Pilates bring it back to me.  Amen and amen.