Mom Skills: Bra Not Required

I wrote this little ditty a while back, going over some stuff I had learned after being a stay at home mom for a month or so. Hold the phone people, you have an expert on your hands here! ONE WHOLE MONTH and I was writing the handbook. Let’s just do a little recap and see what this little genius was up to six months ago.

  • Apply some form of makeup
  • Open all the blinds – SUNSHINE IS SO IMPORTANT. It’s like the Batcave in here if I don’t.
  • Feed Maddie breakfast
  • Get Maddie dressed in actual clothes so she’s not laying around in PJ’s all day

So just to be clear, the answer to every stay at home mom’s problems lie within a single tube of lip gloss. Oh, and don’t forget to feed your kid. Someone give me a Nobel Prize because I obviously know All Of The Things.

Anyway. Here we are, half a year later (holy time warp, Batman) and I’ve been pretty busy mastering my mom skills. That last sentence made me sound like a fancy swordsman or something, but no seriously. I’m better at it now. Did you notice how I didn’t even mention Jack in that list? What was he up to that whole time? Probably laying in his crib with his unamused face wondering why it took his mom an entire day to feed his sister and open the blinds. Get it together, Ma.

Being home involves doing things. A ton of things. While I still agree that your old routines are important in helping you feel like an adult (makeup, hair, not forgetting to feed yourself), the bottom line is that the kids come first.

Most mornings, I’m not awake for very long before the kids are up. Gah, I can’t lie to you… the truth is that the kids actually wake me up every morning. It’s kind of shameful, but that’s just the way it goes around here. Maddie hid my alarm clock a while ago and I haven’t found it yet, so I just keep sleeping until I hear one of them. Soooo, that gives me umm, negative eleventeen minutes to do anything for myself before the Screeches of the Hungry Breakfast Seekers begin. That includes brushing the teeth, combing the hair, emptying the bladder, and putting on the bra. Yes, I’m saggy and gross in the morning for a while. Judge me harshly!

(I know you’re thinking, “just go buy a new alarm clock, you lazy woman” but then I wouldn’t have anything to write about, would I? See my dilemma?)

Once everyone’s changed, fed and settled, it’s email time. Oh but wait, “the kids come first”, right? That is precisely how I am now able to read 419 emails in under 10 minutes. BAM! Mom skills.

Do I wash, blow dry, style, tease, spray, primp my hair for an hour like I used to? No, but I do a little bit to fix myself up when I’m able. The Blogger Bun shows up on the top of my head several times a week. It’s supposedly the most popular, chic hairstyle that’s been floating around the internet for a while, but it’s really just the same old messy bun I’ve been doing since I was 13. Now I can throw my hair up in 2 seconds and feel fashionable. Thank you, internet. Now just bring back plaid pajama pants and those clunky Jesus sandals and I’ll be right back in 1999 where I left my heart.

All that to say, there’s no one way to do this and things are never going to be perfect. Just take care of those sweet babes the best way you can and you get mad mom props from me. Bonus points if you make it to noon without putting on a bra.