I’m in Sugar-Free Hell.

I just bought a latte. See below.

Please note the calculator I stuck in the photo at the last second, because I want you all to be impressed by how brilliant and mathematical I am.

Drink: Latte

Milk: Soy

Syrup: FREAKING SUGAR FREE VANILLA.

So now my latte currently tastes like vanilla, with a subtle hint of death.

Since I ordered it with soy milk (I’m lactose intolerant and real milk makes me look 5 months pregnant), the barista must have automatically assumed I’m one of those healthy people (I’m not) who doesn’t like to consume sugar (I definitely do) and enjoys vom’ing on her drive to work (I don’t, but I did).

(Okayyyy, I didn’t vom. But after that first sip I immediately realized it was an imposter latte, and I may or may not have dramatically grabbed my neck with both hands as if I were dying. Because I was.)

Who likes sugar-free? And who wants to murder it? * Raises hand *